How Long Does It Take To Get My Ex Back?

What is my ex feeling after breaking up with me?

It’s the question echoing in your head: “How long does it take to get my ex back?”

You worry that your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is slipping through your fingers.

You fear that if you can’t get them back right now, that you will lose them forever.

The reason you have this feeling is because you feel you have lost control.

It seems like one minute you “had” your ex and the two of you were happily in love. Now, you are referring to that person as your “ex.”

Even though they have told you that they want to break up, you still feel unsure of “where you stand with them” or where the two of you stand.

Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!

You wonder if they’ve changed their mind and want to get back together since last night.

You Feel You Must Do Something Or Lose Your Ex Forever

time to get ex backYou want to talk to your ex, thinking that maybe if you say the things you used to say, such as, “I love you,” that your ex’s heart will be restored.

You believe that if you could simply tell your ex how you feel that they would soften toward you and stop seeming so cold and mean.

After trying that, however, you feel even more lost and confused. You desperately feel that you have to do something right away or else you will never get your ex back.

That might be how you found my article and I know I can give you direction.

I want you to know something first before I go any further:

There is plenty of time.

Take a deep breath. Time is actually on your side in this situation!

I’ll explain:

You need to know that panic and trying to get your ex back right after a breakup is detrimental to what you are trying to accomplish which is getting your ex back.

If your ex feels pressure from you to get back with you right now, they are going to move further away from you.

Here’s why:

Your ex is going to want you to leave them alone and if you don’t they might even block you on their phone and social media.

This is because right after the breakup, and even a couple of weeks after the breakup, they are still resolved and determined to have the breakup. 

So they are far less receptive and their mind frame is nowhere near where it has to be in order for them to consider taking you back. Right now their defenses are at their highest. 


Because your ex had to psyche themselves up and really push themselves to break up with you. Breaking up with someone is incredibly awkward and difficult.

Your ex didn’t want to hurt you and they dreaded breaking up with you but found a way to do it because they had been feeling a loss of attraction for you and had not been seeing a future with you for a while.

It had been eating at them. And now they have pushed through the awkwardness to bring themselves to do it.

leave your ex aloneYour Ex Is Not Receptive In The Time Immediately After The Breakup

With such a head of steam, it takes time for that momentum to ease.

Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!

So trying to talk to your ex about getting back together soon after the breakup is doing so when they are least open and least receptive to anything you have to say – especially about getting back together.

You might as well be talking to a wall!

That’s why the no contact rule is so important.

The no contact rule gives your ex time to feel the relief from breaking up with you.

The relief is from finally getting the breakup over with and it’s important that they get that time period over with quickly.

The first several days, let’s say somewhere in the first week, a lot of that relief wears off if you stay away.

That does NOT mean that your ex is ready to leap back into your arms after that, but it does mean that they are now going to be back to reality in some ways and down from the high of accomplishing the breakup.

Your ex was patting themselves on the back, proud they did something difficult and that they had gotten it over with.

But at some point within that first week or shortly after, most of the celebrating ends and your ex starts to try focus on real life again.

Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!

time to get ex backThe Stage of Curiosity

It is in this stage that no contact starts having an effect in that it usually makes your ex curious.

Your ex wonders why you aren’t going after them. Why you aren’t texting or calling them, begging them to come back to you?

And it affects them.

Whereas during the relief period following the breakup they were distracted and enjoying the artificial high of getting the breakup over with, now they are wondering about you because they almost certainly expected you to be trying to get them back.

At the breakup and immediately following it, your ex felt that their value was higher than yours.

In fact, that’s why they broke up with you. Their attraction level for you fell and they felt that you were beneath them. They felt they could do better.

Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!

I know that’s difficult to hear.

But you going into no contact can turn the tables.

Because you aren’t chasing them and it seems like you aren’t trying to get them back, your ex feels like their own attraction level falls.

It brings them back down from the artificial high.

At the same time, it raises your attraction level because you appear strong and that you can move on.

What’s more, since you aren’t having relationship talks with them, you aren’t keeping their defenses against you up, so their wall comes down.

All of this from simply leaving your ex alone!

This is where time is on your side.

Your ex must go through the stages I mention above in order to miss you enough, be attracted to you enough, and feel the loss enough to want to reach out to you in order to get you back.

You can read my complete post and see my video about the “Stages Your Ex Goes Through During No Contact.”

emergency breakup kit

How Long After Breakup To Get Back Together?

I am often asked how long after a breakup should someone wait before trying to get their ex back.

This is asked, as are other questions, under the assumption that using the No Contact Rule is actually not “trying” to get an ex back.

Because while using no contact, it appears that nothing is being done.

Nothing could be further from the truth than that.

No contact is doing something and it is the most important thing that you can do to get your ex to come back to you.

It almost always increases attraction from your ex toward you and that is what has to happen.

The reason that an increase in attraction has to happen is because a decrease in attraction (usually just emotional but it can also include physical attraction) is what caused your ex to choose to break up with you in the first place.

You might state other reasons or ask how I can know that it was a drop in attraction that caused the breakup.

How I can know that attraction falling was the cause is actually quite simple even though it might be difficult to hear.

The reason I can know that is because, if your ex wanted to be with you badly enough, they would.

It’s that “want,” that must be increased or else why would your ex come back at all?

I speak more about this in other articles, such as “how to get your ex back,” but returning to you is not something that they can be talked into.

At least not for very long.

One rule of thumb that I provide is that if you have been in no contact for two and a half months or more, your odds of them reaching out can begin to go down.

emergency breakup kit

Sometimes it turns the pressure on a little more, but even then, you usually don’t lose much if you decide to reach out to them one “last” time.

I have seen it work in terms of getting a face to face and things moving slowly, but forward, after that.

Most people can’t wait the two and a half months.

I suggest opening the following post in a new tab and reading it after you are done reading this one: Why Is My Ex Taking So Long To Come Back?

Does it always work?

No, it does not.

Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!

That is because people are not math problems and there are a lot of moving parts and evolving situations.

But I can tell you from two decades of doing this that by following what I’ve discussed, you give yourself the best chance.

Gain from my two decades in the relationship-recovery service so that you can have the best chance possible of getting your ex back! To do that, get my Emergency Breakup Kit!

-Coach Lee

About Coach Lee

Coach Lee, Master of Marriage & Family Counseling, helps people save relationships. He developed the Emergency Breakup Kit, a powerful guide to winning back an ex. Get information on the Kit by Clicking Here! If your MARRIAGE is struggling, get his free mini-course on saving a marriage.

View all posts by Coach Lee →