Should You Tell Your Ex How You Feel?

Should you tell your ex how you feel?

Not if you want them back.

I’ll explain:

We have all seen the movies where the woman has broken up with a man and she is leaving town.

The man seems to be confused at first about what to do but then it hits him. He knows exactly what to do!

He drives like a maniac across town and runs through the airport just in time to catch her seconds before she boards the plane.

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He shouts her name and she turns to him momentarily before turning back toward the plane.

She seems sure that she wants to leave.

But then he says the magic words that fix everything!

“I love you!”

She turns slowly, wide-eyed. He has said the magic words and now she has changed her mind!

She no longer wants to leave/breakup and only wants to be with him.

They hug and kiss passionately as everyone in the airport cheers!


We saw the same in Crocodile Dundee where the female lead shouted her love across the subway crowd to Mic Dundee.

He, too, was moved to change his mind and stay with her.

There’s an interesting  phenomenon that occurs when we watch a film or read a book.

Our brain can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s fake.

That’s why people in Nashville, Tennessee screamed and flinched in their seats at the premiere of the movie, “Jaws.”

Though there wasn’t a beach for hundreds of miles and though they knew they were watching a pretend movie with a robot shark, their brain believed that what they were seeing was reality – and so they were afraid.

We tend to believe the things we see in movies. We “learn” from them.

The good guy always wins no matter the odds.

“You can do anything you set your mind to.”

And confessing your feelings to your ex will cause them to want to get back together with you.

It’s almost too easy.

Should I Tell My Ex How I Feel?

To quote Ace Ventura, “Fiction can be fun, but I prefer the reference section.”

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The movies and TV shows we see are based on scripts that come from people’s imaginations.

Unless they are based on a true story, they aren’t real.

Heck, even the ones based on true stories are barely real after artistic license has been used.

The truth is, your feelings and how you feel don’t really matter that much to your ex.

I know that might not be comfortable to hear, but I want to be honest with you.

Their own feelings, however, are paramount.

It’s all about how they feel about you.

And since they broke up with you, we know where they stand at the moment.

So if you tell your ex “how you feel,” and your feelings happen to be that you love them and can’t live without them, you have actually just pushed them even further away.

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Here’s why:

Because your ex dumped you, we know how he or she feels at the moment.

In my article, “How Long Does It Take To Get Your Ex Back?” I explain that right after the breakup is the absolute worst time to approach your ex about getting back together.

The reason for this is because your ex is most resolute and defensive against you at this time.

Your ex is not in the right frame of mind to be affected by how you feel.

They are pushing through and don’t want to go backwards.

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They had to have this “head of steam” to go through with the breakup.

When you tell your ex of your strong feelings for them, you emphasize an imbalance.

That is, you are more invested in them than they are in you.

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You feel more for them than they feel for you right now.

You might think that telling your ex how you feel, about the debth of your love and how you’ve “never felt this way before,” will shock them into feeling the same for you or feeling what they used to feel.

Or that you will endear yourself to them, causing them to love you back at the same level.

You might even think, if your ex said he/she dumped you because they felt taken for granted or that you didn’t care enough, that  telling them will cause them to feel you are finally where they need and want you to be.

But it will only appear that you are trying to manipulate them into taking you back or will give your ex reassurance that they are making the right decision since you feel so much more strongly about them than they feel about you.

I know, it’s frustrating and heart breaking.

There are ways that are effective in getting an ex back, like the No Contact Rule, but an emotional outpouring of your feelings is certainly not one of them.

emergency breakup kit

Watch my video above for more information along with suggestions on how to get your ex back in your situation.

My Emergency Breakup Kit expands on this and provides more sophisticated strategies that work to get your ex back. After you access the kit, you’ll be surprised at how much someone can learn about getting an ex back after two decades in the relationship-recovery service.

-Coach Lee

About Coach Lee

Coach Lee, Master of Marriage & Family Counseling, helps people save relationships. He developed the Emergency Breakup Kit, a powerful guide to winning back an ex. Get information on the Kit by Clicking Here! If your MARRIAGE is struggling, get his free mini-course on saving a marriage.

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