Be sure to watch the important video above all the way through and then to read the accompanying article below to the end.
Your knowledge and reinforcing that information is key to getting your ex back.
Most people think that if their ex wants them back, that the message will be clear, specific, and direct.
Many people that I speak to on coaching calls will even tell me that if their ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend wants them back that they will just reach out and simply say, “I want you back” or “Let’s get back together.”
That is rarely the case.
I base that on two decades of professional observation.
The reason for this is that your ex fears a lot of the same things that you fear such as:
Your potential anger toward them.
I have often spoken with the person who has initiated the breakup and their fear is often that the other person will reject them.
They worry that they are hated because they were the one who did the dumping.
I realize that your ex, who broke up with you, fearing rejection seems kind of ironic.
That doesn’t change how they feel.
Feelings are real in the sense that they are your ex’s reality if he/she fears your rejection.
Even if you know that you would not reject them, they don’t have that certainty.
And it’s actually better for you if they don’t.
So my point so far is that your ex is not always going to be obvious or necessarily going to go out on a limb to be extremely direct with you about wanting to get back together.
So don’t expect it.
But that does not mean that they (your ex) does not want you back.
So you need to know the subtle ways that often means your ex wants you back or is at least considering it.
Seeing these signs rarely means that you should reach out.
I’ll get to that in detail deeper into this article.
Ways Your Ex Can Show They Want You Back
I have another article that I suggest you open in a new window and read after this article.
That article is entitled, “Signs Your Ex Wants You Back.“
I’ll mention a few (but not all) here:
- Your ex might like things on social media that you post.
- Or they might like things that your family members have posted that have to do with you such as a photo of you or news on something having to do with you.
- Your ex might leave a short response to something you or your family posted. Examples I’ve heard from people have been hearts, smiling emojis, and celebratory emojis like fireworks.
I’m often asked in the comments section on my YouTube Channel if those things mean that you should reach out to your ex.
No, they do not.
The reason is because a small bread crumb such as a like on Facebook is disproportionately small compared to a true reach out such as a text or a call.
One of them is more invested, more direct, and more intimate than the other.
You certainly don’t want to appear more invested or that you are still trying to get them back.
That will only make it much easier for them to put you in Backup-Plan-Mode because your ex will likely believe that you are easily gotten back.
If your ex believes that, then it makes it easier for them to move on, date other people, and not experience the true consequences of the breakup.
After all, if your ex thinks that at any point he/she can simply make a call and get you back, they basically just believe that you are just waiting to bail them out of any negative consequences that might come from the breakup.
In other words, if they did decide they want you back at some point, then it’s no big deal – they just summon you.
While that might be true, we don’t want that written in lights for them.
We don’t want that to be obvious to them or else there will be none of the positive pressure we need for your ex to feel in order to want you back.
You need for your ex to doubt their decision and even feel some fear that they might have blown it with you.
That fear and doubt are what can create that sense of urgency and even panic to get you back.
It’s similar to what you felt right after your ex broke up with you.
So we need the tables to turn and that is what often happens when you leave your ex alone.
When the tables turn, your ex is the one who feels the fear of loss and misses you.
When You Think Your Ex Is Missing You
Another article I’d suggest that you read is, “Does Your Ex Want You To Contact Them.“
It covers some of what I have in this article but specifically what is going on and what would give you the best chance of getting your ex back if you think they ware wanting you to contact them.
Many people want to act quickly when they believe that their ex is missing them or giving hints that they are.
I’m often asked, “What should I do?” when people think they see the signs of their ex missing them.
Some people think they need to reach out and to “open the lines of communication.”
Not only is that wrong, based on my two decades in the relationship-recovery service, but there’s something far better.
And that something is continuing in no contact.
If your ex is trying to hint to you that they miss you, then it not only adds to the mystery when you don’t pounce on it, but it also shows them that you won’t bail them out.
This ensures that their newly-recovered attraction to you remains high.
You see, if your ex is legitimately starting to miss you, that feeling will usually compound and become more intense if they aren’t given relief.
Again, that is, if they aren’t give relief.
The risk is that if you give them that relief, you dilute their desire, sense of urgency, fear of loss, and feelings of missing you.
What often happens when you reach out prematurely is that it’s actually a let down for your ex.
Yep, a let down.
Many times they can feel that all of that concern they had, that sense of urgency, and fear of losing you was unwarranted.
You were actually there in backup-plan mode the entire time.
That can cause them to wonder if maybe they were right to break up with you in the first place and if they should stay the course.
It’s best to let your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend come to you and then you slowly allow the two of you to get back together (I talk about that more in my Emergency Breakup Kit).
You’d be surprised how much more effective and impactful that usually is.
Your absence is powerful. Trust it.
Stick with it.