Broke Up But Still Talking (And What To Do About It)

In the video above I talk about couples who have broken up but still act like they are a couple.

Be sure to watch the video all the way through and then read the article below thoroughly to ensure you have the proper understanding of the situation in order to move forward toward being completely back together with the one you love.

I often hear frustration from clients who tell me that they are broken up with someone but that the two of them still talk (sometimes every day), still text, and still act like a couple.

Frustrating is right!

If you are in that situation, the frustration exists because you feel close to being together again but feel you aren’t there fully or aren’t there in the ways that really count.

In fact, it might feel like you haven’t broken up, but you no longer have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend either.

You don’t know what to do or say, but you feel confused and unsure of the future.

I also hear from coaching clients that it often seems that the other person is content to exist in this state of limbo.

You might still kiss, sleep together, go out, talk, and even say, “I love you,” but you haven’t had that talk that officially labels the two of you as “back together.”

Are We Still A Couple?

Since you act like a couple, you likely often wonder if you are still a couple together.

In a way, you are.

It’s good news that this person can’t seem to remove himself/herself from your life.

They can’t pull themselves away from you or the two of you being together.

That suggests a lot of potential for a future relationship that lasts.

The reason for this is because people who keep finding their way back into the life of the other are the ones who have staying power as a couple.

Polling shows that the majority of married couples admit that if they weren’t married, there are a few times that they would have broken up.

Those layers of commitment like keeping their vows, social pressures, children, shared assets, a sense of “ought,” and the difficulty of divorce provide reasons to find solutions or wait out the bad times in hopes of better to come

So the idea that if you were “meant to be” with this person that you two would never breakup or lose site of the future  doesn’t actually hold much water.

Unless you are married, the odds of you breaking up at some point are fairly strong.

One of you forgets the place of the other in their life.

It happens (unfortunately).

Life gets difficult and one of you (or both) think it would be easier alone.

There are other issues that can pull a couple apart, but it’s the ones who keep finding their way back to each other who are “meant to be,” if there is such a thing.

You might find yourself in that situation now.

It could be that this is the two of you “finding your way” back to each other or not being able to venture too far away.

You might have to be comfortable without the label for a time.

I understand that’s not as easy as it sounds or seems.

There are a few ways to potentially get the label back, but before you read on to those, remember that rushing it might be tempting because it would feel great to be completely back together.

But there is risk and danger in rushing it.

If your significant other (former boyfriend or girlfriend) isn’t ready for the label, you could pressure him/her to run.

You could lose what you have.

When that happens, there’s always the risk of not getting it back because life can lead them in a different direction when they no longer feel attachment or identity with you.

So evaluate whether or not it’s too soon since the official breakup to put pressure on redefining the relationship.

Here are strategies that you could utilize to successfully get your boyfriend or girlfriend back completely.

Have The Talk

Let’s just get this one out of the way.

Yes, you could just have “the talk.”

But ONLY if enough time has passed and you haven’t been pushing them.

In that case, a talk could go really well and get you what you want.

Notice I said “could” go really well.

It could also not go really well.

If you choose this route, I encourage you to keep it light and even casual.

Project that it’s no big deal or that it’s just simply natural that the two of you could call each other boyfriend and girlfriend again.

Don’t make it into a “do or die” moment in which so much weight is in the agreement and acceptance of your ex/significant other into going back into “terms” or the label.

Many of my clients have had success in being light and almost having a playful or joking way of presenting it.

Something like, “We might as well just admit it, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. You know it. Now pass the salsa.”

Or, “So I’ve decided, you can be my boyfriend again, just because you’re so darn sexy.”

The playful approach is not for everyone.

But it has a good track record with people who have a playfulness together.

Introduction Reality

This one is one of my favorites simply because it is like a Jedi version of keeping it light while avoiding the talk altogether.

You could introduce your person as your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Here’s how it works:

You take them out to a place where you know a lot of people or where you are pretty sure people would come over to you to greet you or shake your hand.

You then take the initiative of introducing your significant other as your girlfriend or boyfriend.

“You remember my girlfriend Elizabeth.”

Or, “This is my boyfriend Mike.”

Be casual, simple, non-dramatic, and possibly a little playful.

It’s unlikely they would correct you in front of the other person.

That would just be awkward.

Plus they might really like it.

What usually happens is that after the greeting person walks away, he or she turns to you and says, “So I’m your girlfriend huh?” or “So I’m your boyfriend huh?”

This is your opportunity to be light, playful and flirty.

Look at them and smile. Ideally even smirk.

Then say, “Of course,” in a way that almost sounds over-the-top as though the answer is obvious.

Then lift your hand toward where you are sitting and say, “Let’s sit down, ” or “Shall we,” or “I’m hungry.”

Obviously you’ll have to tailor this to your situation.

You might need to reword and tweak it but it’s a good template for something that often works well and can usher in an embracing of the label again as though it was never removed.

Sometimes simple things can be powerful.

Not Ready To Be A Couple Again

Sometimes the other person is at a place in their life where they simply aren’t ready for commitment or because they feel pressure by having a label.

It can also be because of emotional problems.

This is frustrating because your job shouldn’t be to change them, force them to mature, or to be their counselor.

So sometimes there’s just little you can do about it and you have to decide if you are comfortable without the label but having this person in your life with many of the things existing that make two people a couple.

There are certainly worse things and it’s very possible that they will find their way back to the label in time.

This is only if you are acting like a couple and not trying to just be friends. It’s important that you don’t act like a friend or else they could start to see you that way.

I suggest getting my Emergency Breakup Kit for guidance on getting your ex back completely and to give you a clear plan to increase their attraction to you.

–Coach Lee
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