5 Stages of Breakup Regret for Your Ex
Stage 1: They Don’t Like The Doubt
The first thing that your ex will feel when they’re regretting the breakup is that they simply don’t like the doubt and this happens with a lot of things in life.
Sometimes the waiting is the hardest part and you’re experiencing that if you are the one who has been broken up with because you’re probably applying the no contact rule that I talk about a lot.
You’re wondering what’s going to happen, if you are going to hear from them, and so a lot of that doubt and not knowing is the hardest part of all of this. And your ex will experience some of that too if they start to feel regret about their decision to break up with you.
The dumper won’t like not knowing if you are moving away from them or if you are reaching a point where you’re feeling okay without them or where you feel like you could move on.
We all have egos and your ex has an ego no matter how wonderful of a person they are.
They want to feel like you are attracted to them and that you are having difficulty without them.
That’s just how it is and when they start to have doubt that maybe you’re handling this okay and that maybe it’s not too difficult for you to be away from them – that this whole breakup is something that you’re just handling with style and grace – it can really cause doubt in their mind.
Your ex will think that they would rather see you struggling with this and trying to get them back.
Below are more stages to answer the question, “How long does it take for dumpers to regret breaking up?”
Stage 2: Your Ex Wants You To Bail Them Out!
The second stage when your ex regrets the breakup is when they want you to bail them out of this.
Your ex is not seeing you struggle with this and that’s what they’re wanting to see because that will make them feel like they’re attractive and that you just can’t get over them because they are just so wonderful.
They will want you to bail them out of that feeling and of that concern that maybe you could move on and just be fine.
So sometimes what they’ll do is they’ll contact you and they’ll want you to say that you’ve missed them.
They’ll want you to be talking to them as though you’re just so glad to hear from them and that you’ve been miserable without them.
Sometimes I’ve heard where they will say things like I wish we were still together but I just can’t be in a relationship right now.
They’ll say things that sound really profound and like it’s just such a complex situation when it’s really not, because the bottom line is, if you want to be with someone badly enough, you will find a way.
But what they want is to hear you say, “I want to be together, too!”
And then for you to say, “Why can’t we just be together? Please?”
And without even realizing it, you start begging. It’s like a sucker punch in a lot of ways because a lot of times clients will be strong in no contact and they’ve done really well and their ex will get to this stage where they reach out or they come to get their things.
Then they start with this kind of thing where they say that they wish you two were still together.
“I wish there was a way. I miss you.”
And you think this is the moment you’ve been waiting for and you start to basically have an argument to try to get your ex to take you back and you don’t even realize what you’re doing because it seems like the door has been opened.
When your ex says, “I wish we were together,” the logical response is, “Then let’s be together. Why can’t we be?”
And that’s exactly what your ex actually wants to happen.
They couldn’t put it into words and they wouldn’t say, “I want you to argue with me and beg me to come back to you,” but that’s what they feel.
Why? Because it reassures them that they are that attractive and that you want them back and that you want to be with them. (Also see: How to make your ex want you back after a breakup)
They don’t want to have to worry about you getting too far away because it feels like you will eternally want them.
Later they’ll realize that that’s not true, but at the moment it basically gives them that fix to where they can just go back to feeling good again – sort of like the day of the breakup.
I don’t mean that your ex enjoyed breaking up with you, but they have this interesting sense of contentment and that even though they did something difficult and they know they hurt you, they have this relief that it’s over with because it is something they wanted to do but they also feel that they are so attractive and that’s why you’re miserable.
And so in some ways, it’s a trade off.
They don’t want to hurt you, but man it feels good to know that you’re hurting because you can’t be with them because that makes them feel really sexy, attractive, desired and all those things that most people really like feeling.
So basically, when they stop feeling it or they feel like it’s in jeopardy, they want you to bail them out.
And so they will bait you into begging them to come back to you only so that they can dump you again.
Before I get to stage three, take a quick second and subscribe to my YouTube channel so you can be notified when I have more videos like the one above and be sure to hit that notification bell so you’ll be notified when a new one comes out.
Stage 3: Your Ex Gets Into A Rebound
Now it doesn’t always happen, but it’s something that can happen and usually it happens at about this stage.
A rebound relationship is where your ex is fighting all that doubt they feel and maybe they’ve baited or tested you to try to bail them out and they got a little relief from that or they think that this rebound relationship will basically allow them an outlet for romance, to overcome boredom, and to stop the feelings of loneliness without going back to you.
They are avoiding going back to you because they don’t want to lead you on and/or they don’t want to have to go through the breakup again – especially if you were dramatic and difficult with the process.
They don’t want to have to go through that again which means they’re not really sure they want to be back together with you yet.
If you haven’t started the video above, I suggest you do that now so that you can receive a deeper explanation for all of this.
So basically, a true rebound relationship is when they haven’t given themselves long enough or enough time to naturally heal from a relationship.
If you can simply jump into a relationship right after you’ve been in a serious one, then either you are doing it prematurely and this relationship is probably destined for failure OR you just haven’t given yourself enough time to heal and you’re trying to force something.
And again, it’s destined for failure.
Sometimes people who are addicted to love where they experience limerence (I have a video about limerence at that link and the chemicals associated with that where people just want that high that comes with a new relationship) and all those fireworks and they don’t understand how real love works.
They will jump from relationship to relationship to get that chemical high associated with a new romance.
So sometimes that can be at play, but if they know that they can escape loneliness and they can get some of that ego boost without getting back together with you (so they don’t risk hurting you again or have to experience the drama).
They can basically still sort of keep things in limbo because if they think you want them badly enough, they don’t think that being in a relationship with someone else is going to deter you and so a lot of times I’ve observed that when they do bait you to bail them out and you fall for it, that that makes it more likely they will get into a rebound.
The reason for that is because they assume you’ll still be there and so they can try things out with this person, have some fun, get some of that newness that happens and then if they want you back, they think they can still get you back.
That’s possibly how they are thinking a lot of times.
After a breakup in these stages of regret it is frustrating for the person who has been dumped.
Stage 4: They Come Back Too Quickly
How long does it take for dumpers to regret breaking up with their ex? Continue below to learn more.
Another stage of regret that can happen sometimes when they’ve been in a rebound for just a couple of weeks and they don’t hear anything from you is that they feel that fear of loss and they will actually just come right back to you.
This is the most difficult reaction to deal with because you think you’ve gotten exactly what you wanted.
No contact has worked like a charm. It’s even busted the rebound and it’s made it to where this person has come back to you.
Whereas it is a positive, it’s a very tricky situation because if things get back to how they were too quickly, it’s anti-climatic and basically it will cause something similar to depression in your ex who’s now your boyfriend or girlfriend again and they will actually think, “Oh, I was right the first time because now i feel this this ‘downness’ and a drop in attraction.
They feel like you two have gotten back into a lull, a routine that they didn’t like anymore.
In many cases when they feel this they will break up with you again.
That’s why it’s so important after a breakup to be reserved and to move slowly instead of giving it back to them all at once.
You need time and you both need to feel like you have earned it again – like you’ve built back that label or that status.
It’s really important and so don’t fall for “we’re just going to get back together as though nothing happened” and “everything is back like it was” because when it happens too quickly, they’ll leave again just as quickly and they’re less likely to return or at least it takes a lot longer because they want to be sure this time.
So just be careful when your ex starts moving towards you.
Let them be the one who’s moving faster than you.
You should show reserve and even say, “I’m open to getting back together but I want to take it one day at a time. I’m not sure yet.”
Your ex might get mad because it hurts their ego.
They think that you would just be so happy to have them back because you desire them and you want them so bad that you would take them any way that you can get them.
So they think that you would just take them back under any circumstances and so, yeah, it’s a shot to their ego and they might get mad at you.
But you must stay calm and you say something like, “Well, like I said, I’m open to it. I understand it’s a difficult situation but we can take it one day at a time if you want to.”
When you don’t match their anger, it’s a powerful response.
When you can stay calm in these situations it shows strength and that’s attractive.
So before I get to the fifth stage, take a look at my Emergency Breakup Kit. It’s the culmination of my 20 years in the relationship-coaching service and it can help you get your ex back. It’s taking you by the hand and leading you to get your ex back so take a look at that.
Stage 5: Your Ex Offers Friendship
Your ex is really getting tired and even exhausted of the doubt of not knowing if you’re able to move on.
If they might lose you and they’re unsure if they want the relationship or not, they basically give themselves sort of an insurance policy or a backup plan.
They will tell you they want friendship because that way they think they can kind of keep you close enough just in case and they can keep an eye on you.
They can monitor you and they don’t have to feel like that by not interacting with you that you’re slowly getting further away.
They can maybe even keep you romantically interested in them so that you won’t go be with somebody else.
So it’s not always that they just want to keep the friendship alive or that they just want to keep what you two had before the relationship.
It’s not always so simple, pure, and innocent.
A lot of times it’s because they want to feel like they can do whatever they want and you’ll just stay on the hook right here and they can keep an eye on you.
It can also be because they want to absorb all that desire from you.
They want to feel that from you and they want to be assured that you are just sitting there wanting to be with them and yet the answer is no because they’re just so high above you.
Now again, they probably wouldn’t put it into words like that and would be offended if you suggested that it’s what they were doing, but it’s more of a gut feeling that they have.
They’re wanting to feel something and they feel like if they do this, they can still feel it.
So it might not be quite as well thought out and premeditated as I described, but it is something that they want and it is a likely reason behind them doing it.
So those are the stages that your ex goes through when they’re regretting a breakup. If you haven’t watched the video above, go back and do that.
I highly recommend my Emergency Breakup Kit to give you the best chance possible of getting your ex back.
No matter what, I wish you the very best.