It looks as though the worst has happened. Not only did your boyfriend or girlfriend break up with you, but now they are with someone else. Maybe you’ve seen pictures on social media, heard from a mutual friend, or maybe you’ve actually seen them together. You know that your ex is in a rebound relationship and appears to have left you along with all consideration of getting back together with you far behind. You’re in shock and you’re stomach feels sick. You wonder if all hope of getting them back is gone because they have entered into a new relationship.
This reaction is normal and I hear of it fairly often from my coaching clients. They are often surprised when I tell them that their ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend getting into a rebound relationship that soon is usually a good thing for them since they want to get their ex back.
To clarify, if you were with your ex in a serious, committed relationship for more than three months, and they broke up with you only to enter a rebound relationship quickly after, this usually works in your favor.
Why Would My Ex’s Rebound Relationship Help Me Get Them Back?
Why would your ex being with someone else soon after your breakup be a good thing? It’s because, if your relationship had time under its belt, then your ex will feel and notice the difference between that and this new relationship that doesn’t have the memories, special songs, traditions, experiences, inside jokes, and intimacy. The depth of your relationship will be a sharp contrast to the shallowness of their rebound. Often that contrast causes your ex to miss the relationship they had with you.
What’s more, your ex will compare this new person to you. Since your ex was in a relationship with you for a solid amount of time, they must have felt strongly about you. They probably felt admiration, respect, along with attraction to you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
With the exception of physical attraction, those other areas of attraction took time to develop to the levels they were. It’s not easy to find someone who is attractive to you on all of those fronts. Your ex will be comparing you to this person and if you handle the breakup well, you’ll be in a good position to re-attract your ex. That’s why it is so important that you know how to make your ex miss you.
No Contact With Your Ex During Rebound
I write a lot about the no contact rule to get your ex back and it can be so powerful, especially in a rebound-relationship type of situation. Beyond the usual ways that it works to help you get your ex back, the no contact rule, when applied fully and correctly, helps to further contrast you with this rebound person in a powerful and complex way.
You see, your ex is in a vulnerable place right now. He/she is struggling to get over you – even though he/she was the one who ended it. There will almost certainly be days of doubt, especially if you are following what I outline in my article, “How To Make Your Ex Miss You.”
The new person will likely notice this doubt and be affected by some of your ex’s struggles as they attempt to go forward without you. The newbie will likely respond incorrectly with jealousy, neediness, and by being clingy. Perhaps they’ll even react with anger, yelling, and obsessive behavior like control. Those things are not at all attractive and will push your ex away from them and, possibly, back into your arms.
If you follow what I describe in the linked articles above, you will be a stark contrast to the rebound since you will be doing none of those things and will have backed away from your ex completely. You will be the one who is scarce, which creates value and mystery. Your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend will be wondering why they haven’t heard from you. They’ll wonder what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. They’ll think, “Oh, they’re probably with someone else.” And then as they ponder on that more, they’ll think, “Of course they’re with someone else, they’re so attractive. It makes sense.”
The potential is there for your ex to really drive themselves crazy simply because they haven’t heard from you. There’s still some feelings for you and that is all the foot-in-the-door that you need to build those feelings back to what they were or even greater simply by backing off and letting your ex experience what it’s truly like not to have you. And this rebound person can actually be helpful because he/she will likely be doing all of the wrong things while you will be a noticeably absent mystery.
The rebound person will likely push your ex back into your arms simply because of the situation. The newbie can’t compete with the history that you and your ex have and with you not contacting your ex, they’ll be experiencing a type of separation anxiety that will often sabotage this new rebound relationship (see “What Is My Ex Thinking During No Contact?”). So don’t give up hope. Stay strong in doing what you’ve learned to do in this article and read the other articles on this site. The pattern of what works is clear and that is what I’m sharing with you to help you get your ex back. To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, schedule a coaching session with me.