Stages To Getting Back With Your Ex

Usually, you don’t get your ex back right away or overnight.

Be sure to watch the video above as I explain the typical stages of getting back together with an ex after a breakup.

There aren’t magic words or special actions that will cause your ex to decide to get back together with you. I’m specifically referring to the time period shortly after your ex broke up with you.

At that point in time, your ex either hasn’t entered the stages an ex goes through during no contact that almost always have to happen in order for your ex to want to get back together with you or is only in the early stages of their journey.

What most people fail to realize is that time is an ingredient and a necessary one at that in the recipe of your ex coming back to you. Time is what allows your ex to experience a real breakup instead of one that is only conceptual (something they have only thought about and not lived through).

If you alleviate the breakup experience for your ex by reaching out, sending gifts, sharing your pain with their friends (which will likely get back to your ex), or do something else that assures them that you could be easily gotten back at any moment, your ex is not allowed to experience a real breakup.

And that is a big problem if you want your ex back.

What Is A Real Breakup?

A real breakup is one where your ex isn’t hearing from you (or is only when absolutely necessary if you are doing no contact and share children, a business, or live together) and they are forced to realize that you could move on to where even if they had a change of heart and wanted you back, you couldn’t be gotten back.

It is only when your ex experiences a real breakup that they can know if they really want it or not.

Immediately following a breakup, your ex feels a boost in their attractiveness since they are the one who dismissed you. This is true even if your ex is a kind and warm person because it’s simply natural when you reject someone to feel more attractive than them to some degree.

In this intoxication your ex experienced from their own feelings of superior attractiveness, they assumed that since they were in control in terms of whether the relationship existed or not, that such control would continue.

It’s not likely your ex thought about it in those exact terms, but the feeling was almost certainly there that a relationship with you was permanently optional for them and that they could get back together with you at any point should they want to.

The problem with that is that your value and attractiveness in the mind of your ex is lowered from such a perspective.

Not only that, but if your ex believes that at any second they could text or call and simply get back together with you if that was something they ever wanted, it’s unlikely that your ex will miss you much at all and certainly not to the levels needed to make them experience a real breakup.

To experience that, your ex must have good reason to believe or expect that you are strong enough to stay away and could move on to where you couldn’t be gotten back.

Only then can your ex experience the feeling of loss. If the two of you had a good relationship and you use the no contact rule, there is a good chance your ex will experience enough of the feeling of loss to doubt the breakup and wonder if it was the right decision or the biggest mistake of their lives.

That is when your odds increase significantly in terms of them wanting to get back together with you.

But again with the time part of this. It takes time for your ex to actually believe that you could be lost and not just any time but time where they don’t hear from you and are left to see that you are strong enough to stay away from them and, therefore, strong enough to move on to that point where you couldn’t be gotten back.

Your ex has to sit with this as they reflect on the good times that you two shared and the relationship in general. Combine that with the concern that you could be completely lost and you have a recipe for your ex at least considering trying to get back together with you.

That point is when the odds are good that your ex will reach out to you and test the water. I talk about that more in my Emergency Breakup Kit but it’s important that you don’t respond in a way that completely alleviates their concern or else you could greatly harm your chances of completely getting them back.

Your ex needs to continue to feel some concern and the feeling that they still have some work to do as far as earning you back to some degree. That is where showing some reservation while being polite to them is important. You don’t want to remove their hope, but you don’t want your ex believing that this is something that they can completely get back in a snap. Be sure to keep that in mind even before your ex gets to that point.

In the video above I chronicle the stages that lead your ex to that point and how one stage transitions to the other with specific actions and realizations. I suggest you watch it carefully at least once. Also be sure to SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel so that you’ll be notified when I have more videos on getting an ex back and relationships.

I highly recommend my Emergency Breakup Kit to give you the best chance possible of getting your ex back.

No matter what, I wish you the very best. Trust the process and in your own attractiveness.

-Coach Lee
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