This is in the case of your ex being the one who broke up with you and you are wanting to get back together with them.
You realized, hopefully, that it didn’t matter to your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend how badly you wanted them.
What matters is if they want you back.
With that knowledge you are now trying to figure out how to make your ex want you back.
Get Your Ex To Want You Back
If you have read many of my articles, you know that I reference the success of the no contact rule often.
I have seen it work so often over the last eighteen years to get an ex to want the one they dumped back that I expect it to bring results.
Many of my coaching clients are very pleasantly surprised to see it work so well and often much faster than they would allow themselves to even hope.
Obviously it doesn’t work every time to make an ex want you back because people aren’t math problems.
The results I’ve observed over nearly two decades in the relationship-recovery industry have been a very strong testimonial to the power of The No Contact Rule and/or The Strategic Contact Rule.
The reason it is so powerful is simple in explanation in that in order for your ex to want you, they have to experience not having you.
Most people, when faced with being dumped, act from panic, pain, desperation, fear, and ignorance.
These things lead them to beg their ex to stay with them, to text or call their ex constantly, to buy gifts, to cry to them, to show up where they work or at their home, and to do other, similar things in a misguided attempt to make their ex love them and want them back.
Sadly, it does the opposite.
If you want to know how to get your ex to want you back, you must first understand that if your ex wanted the breakup and is not trying to get back together with you right now, then you are intruding if you are trying to talk them into getting back together and if you constantly contact them.
The desire to get back together with you must come from within them.
How you feel at the moment is already known and is not important. So there’s no need to feel you should tell them.
What is important is how they feel about you and the relationship.
Though it’s difficult to relate to your ex right now, because you still deeply want them and deeply want the relationship, you must understand that they no longer have the same desires at the moment.
Your ex no longer looks out at a future with you with dream-like anticipation.
Here’s the deal:
What likely motivated your ex just a short time in the past, such as continuing to become closer to you, maybe a possible wedding day for the two of you, shared vacations, and similar visions of the future, no longer motivates or excites them.
That doesn’t mean that those motivations, desires, and visions will never return, but it does mean that you can’t “remind” your ex of those things and have them suddenly restored to your side.
It just doesn’t work that way.
Many people who want to know how to get their ex to want them back are stunned and hurt to realize that their ex no longer sees the future as an intimate destination for the two of them.
In many ways, it’s like your ex is another person.
You look into their eyes, astonished that the same words and memories don’t affect and move them the same as before.
What Made Your Ex Stop Wanting You?
Though focusing too much on that question is counterproductive and pointless, there is one answer that you must realize if you want to know how to get your ex to want you back.
The answer is that your ex lost attraction for you.
I know that’s difficult to hear, but knowing that is the case is the first step to getting them to feel attracted to you once again.
You might point to situations in life that made the relationship more difficult to be in for your ex, but it all comes down to a loss of attraction.
If attraction had remained high enough, your ex would have overcome any obstacle to be with you.
You would overcome any obstacle to be with them, after all, right?
That is the hard fact of the moment.
How To Make Your Ex Love You Again
I use that wording (“make your ex love you again”) because that is how the question is often presented to me.
“How can I make my ex boyfriend love me again?”
Or, “How can I make my ex girlfriend love me again?”
Most of us understand that we can’t truly “make” someone love us.
I understand such a question to really mean how can I attract that person to want to be with me again.
First, I want you to know that my two decades in the relationship-recovery service have shown me that in the majority of cases, the person who did the breaking up still cares about the person they broke up with.
It’s not like they hate you or think you are a terrible person.
Nearly all breakups are, at their heart, a drop in emotional attraction.
In addition to my professional observation that demonstrates this, it’s also common sense.
After all, if you really want to be with someone, you will.
Genuine attraction and love together are what make someone want to be in a committed, long-term relationship.
So it’s possible that your ex still loves you, but doesn’t feel the attraction that they used to.
So rather than ask how to make your ex love you again, the better question is how to re-attract him/her.
How To Re-Attract Your Ex So That They Want You Back
Attracting your ex back might seem like a daunting, vague concept, but there’s legitimately a science to it.
You must take away from them what is attractive about you.
Here is what that is:
Bowing gracefully out of your ex’s life accomplishes much.
For starters, it highlights your strength, maturity, and dignity.
You don’t, however, want it to appear that losing the relationship is no big deal to you.
That’s where many so-called relationship coaches get it completely wrong when trying to help you see how to make an ex want you back.
That’s because they are often operating more on theory and even cliches than on practical experience.
If your ex is a mature, emotionally healthy individual, he/she will likely not want to try to venture back into a relationship with you if it appears that losing them meant little or nothing to you.
Yet some coaches recommend trying to send that very message to your ex!
Count yourself fortunate you are on my site right now instead.
How To Make Your Ex Want You Back By Showing Strength In The Face Of Loss
What you should communicate to your ex is that you are a strong person in the face of difficulty (or in spite of it).
Losing them is not what you want.
It is painful, and you want them back.
But no matter what, you will move on with your life and you will flourish.
To make your ex want you back (as fast as possible), you will gracefully bow out.
You will apply the no contact rule and stick to it for a time period appropriate to how long you and your ex were together.
By doing this, you let your ex experience the breakup.
You allow your ex to be without you so that he/she can miss you because your ex can’t miss you if you are still in contact.
That is how you “make” your ex want you back.
They miss you, recognize your strength, and see what they will lose by not having you.
It’s rally not “making” them do anything.
It’s attracting them to the point that they can’t help but love you and want you back.