When Your Ex Says They Aren’t Ready For A Relationship

It’s a rejection statement that you can’t really respond to in any meaningful way. And that’s most of the reason why they said it to you in the first place.

Maybe you used the No Contact Rule and after a time, your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend reached out to you.

Because you have watched my videos and/or read my articles, you knew that it was vital to leverage this momentum to get them face to face.

Maybe they accepted your invitation to meet face to face. But then at some point in the conversation said that they “weren’t ready for a relationship.”

They probably even added that it wasn’t you, but that they weren’t ready for a relationship with “anyone.”

Does Your Ex Really Know What They Want Right Now?

You probably took some comfort from that by thinking that at least they wouldn’t start dating someone new.

I will get the bad news over with first by telling you that what your ex says about not wanting a relationship means little.

As I’ve said in other articles and videos, you should not assign much value to the words of your ex.

That is especially true of the claim of not wanting a relationship with “anyone.”

Your ex likely said this because they didn’t want to be on the receiving end of a jealousy-induced tirade or emotional breakdown from you.

This is especially true if you have a history of showing jealousy, anger, or being clingy.

Even if you haven’t shown jealousy, your ex just wants out of the awkwardness.

They want to get away from you or to stop texting.

They are hoping that saying they aren’t ready for a relationship with anyone will make it simple and easy.

By telling you that they aren’t ready for a relationship with anyone, they believe this will be easier for you to take and will, therefore, lead to fewer questions or concerns.

But I’ve seen it too many times over the last two decades that an ex who says they aren’t ready for a relationship with “anyone” starts dating someone new in just a couple of weeks.

I’m telling you this, not to alarm you but to prepare you.

It’s likely your ex meant what they said, but meant it in the moment only.

After They Break Up With You

If your ex felt trapped and exhausted from the relationship they had with you, the stages that they go through during no contact will pass more quickly and it’s possible that they might merely move from “relief” to “moving on.”

If your relationship was solid and existed for a good amount of time (at least three months), it’s probable that your ex will enter the stages I often talk about, which means that any relationship they might enter into during that time is likely the classic rebound relationship.

Such a relationship is often short lived and can send your ex running back to you after they recognize its shallowness compared to what they had with you. It doesn’t always happen, but it often does.

When someone who has been dumped is told by the dumper that they aren’t ready for a relationship but then the dumper gets into a relationship soon after the breakup, the dumped often feels betrayed.

I sympathize with the painful situation that you are in and the additional pain you would feel if your ex got into a relationship after telling you they weren’t interested in one.

If that has happened, you likely feel you want to confront your ex.

You feel that confronting them would slow them down or even compel them back to you.

It’s possible you feel that you’ve “caught them” in a contradiction and that once you remind them of what they said and point out the contradiction that they will apologize and right the wrong.

It won’t happen that way.

Your ex feels no accountability to anything he or she promised you while you were in the relationship.

All promises have been purged by the breakup.

At least that’s how your ex feels. That is your ex’s mind after the breakup. You don’t feel that way because you still feel as though you are in the relationship.

You feel that you are “standing” for the relationship even though you are standing alone.

You still likely feel committed to the relationship, believing that when your ex comes to their senses that your faithfulness will be appreciated and recognized by them.

Your ex doesn’t feel that he/she is trampling on anything sacred because he/she no longer feels commitment to you or to the former relationship.

This is another case of you and your ex being at polar opposites shortly following the breakup.

That is why it is so difficult for you to understand your ex and why their actions or words are often shocking and devastating.

Your ex says that they aren’t ready for a relationship, yet that is what you want badly with them.

Avoid label obsession and pressuring your ex to get back together.

Someone who says they are not ready for a relationship likely felt pressured and maybe even trapped in their relationship with you.

Someone who says this, however, may quickly feel ready for a relationship again if it is with someone they don’t feel will pressure them or make them feel trapped.

Though the odds are good that this would be a shallow, rebound type of relationship which would likely only delay them missing and wanting you back, it certainly hurts to watch.

That’s why you must give your ex space and not put pressure on them. That is especially true in terms of labeling and defining the relationship.

Some of the best relationships happen without talking about what is happening but simply letting it happen and existing within it.

Confusion on the part of your ex is usually brought on by over pursuit on your part. Over investment from someone else makes them feel that they are the one who want the relationship “least,” even if they, in fact, do want the relationship.

Over time, feeling that you were more invested in the relationship causes them to wonder if you are “the one,” or if the relationship is the best one for him/her. After all, everyone wants to feel that the other person is “the one,” and if someone is under the constant reminder that the other person wants the relationship more than they do, it usually causes a drop in attraction.

It causes them to take you and the relationship for granted. They feel that they are the prize and that you are the pursuer.

As I’ve explained many times before, we all want our own prize. Your ex wanted their own prize and that is what you must become again if they are telling you that they are not ready for a relationship .

They are saying that they are not ready because it feels like a burden and that is because they don’t want to feel like the prize but want to feel like they are pursuing their own prize.

No contact, improving yourself, radio silence, and other strategies I teach can help you to be the prize and to be sought by your ex once again. You often can remove the “ex” part of boyfriend or girlfriend.

To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, Schedule A Coaching Call With Me or get more information on my Emergency Breakup Kit.

-Coach Lee