You can’t handle the truth! That’s one of the most famous lines in movie history, but there’s actually a lot of truth to that line.
If you prove to your girlfriend or boyfriend that you really can’t handle the truth, not only will you teach them to lie to you, but you will start a slow train wreck that almost always leads to a break up.
What happens is that if you become too emotional, angry, sad, or punish them with the silent treatment, your boyfriend/girlfriend learns that you really can’t handle the truth. So they stop giving it to you. They tell you what you want to hear or what will keep you from responding negatively. And this works well for a time period – usually a short one.
Why Lying Leads To A Break Up
Your boyfriend or girlfriend will eventually break up with you when you teach them to lie to you. Here’s why:
1. They lose respect for you. It’s inner weakness that they perceive in you when they realize they have to lie to you to avoid your fits or emotional breakdowns. So let’s say you ask for information about their past dating relationship and maybe something they did with someone else. When your significant other is honest with you about their history, you freak out with jealousy and anger. Do you really expect him/her to be completely honest with you next time you ask such a question? Next time they’ll likely soften things up and leave out some of the details they think you are too emotionally weak and immature to handle. And because they know this about you, they lose respect for you as an adult who should be able to handle life with more poise and maturity. Losing respect is a major blow to a relationship and puts you on the fast track to being dumped.
2. They learn to lie to you. Your boyfriend or girlfriend becomes comfortable lying to you. At first, it’s only about things they think you’ll react to like a child but it becomes more. It becomes so easy to lie to you because they’ve done it before that they don’t feel the same level of intimacy that they did with you before. Lying to someone replaces feelings of closeness with distance and even distrust for the person they’re lying to. So if they lose respect for you and lose intimacy with you, well you don’t have to be a dating expert to see where this is going!
3. The door opens for others. Uh oh. When your partner interacts with other people and feels that they respond to them with calm, acceptance, maturity, and don’t punish them for telling the truth of how they feel or the facts of their life, that other person will become attractive and be seen as a safe place. Over time your partner may begin to think of that other person when they want to share details, events, hurts, and successes. This will create intimacy with that other person and you don’t have to be a relationship expert to see where that will most likely go (See the article, Why Did My Boyfriend Cheat On Me).
So when your partner tells you something you don’t want to hear – even if it’s about your relationship – remain calm. Show them you have the inner strength to handle bad news and that you won’t punish them for telling you. No one wants to be around someone who pitches a fit when they don’t get their way and that includes your partner.
Be a safe place for your significant other and your relationship will have staying power.
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