When your ex boyfriend or girlfriend wants space after a breakup, you might wonder how much space they want and why they want this if they love and care about you.
You might even contact them to ask if they have had enough space and you might feel that they should now have what they asked for and that they should be ready to resume their relationship with you.
But one thing to understand is that if the attraction and closeness they feel for you does not improve during the space and time you give them, then they need more of it.
If you don’t give that space, they will need/want to break up with you because they don’t see their “feelings” of being in love coming back.
It can cause intense anxiety on your part, as the person being asked to give the space or time to an ex or to a boyfriend or girlfriend.
You are anticipating and hoping for them to be ready or for them to have a decision about getting back together with you. Or even wanting to continue dating you.
People who have asked for space often respond very poorly to this request by doing the opposite of giving time and space.
Sometimes people try the exact opposite of giving space.
They will, instead, overwhelm their boyfriend or girlfriend with their presence and communication, insisting that two days (or some other little amount of time) has been enough time and space.
As Coach Lee says in the video above, it’s up to your boyfriend or girlfriend as to how much time they feel they need. In addition to that, it’s not about space and time at first.
Should You Ask How Much Space They Need?
Often times someone will ask their bf/gf, “How much time do you need?”
Should you ask so that you will know how much time to give them?
No. They don’t know the amount or the number of days it will take. Besides, you should wait for them to come back to you when they are ready, so there’s no need of asking.
It just makes you look out of touch, needy, impatient, and weak – a recipe for further lowering the attraction this person feels for you.
Sometimes, asking for space and time is a lazy way of breaking up with you
Some ask me, “If my boyfriend, girlfriend, or ex says they want space and/or time, do they mean that they want to breakup?”
Sometimes that can be the case.
Other times they are concerned that the relationship is moving too quickly and they want to slow things down to reflect and take a breather.
They might be concerned that it’s artificial or that you are more invested in the relationship than they are.
It’s key to pay attention to what Coach Lee says in this video about the importance of truly giving them all the time and space that they need and to allow them to come back to you when they are ready.
Do not reach out asking if they have had enough time and space. This will only delay the process and could cause them to be annoyed or even angry with you.
Reaching out will only result in a negative response and will cause them to doubt that you truly understand or that any change has happened in enough quantity.
You might not be willing to wait to reach out to them.
You might feel that you are not going to wait on them to figure things out and that is certainly your right.
It’s understandable that you are hurt that your boyfriend or girlfriend is asking for space. It feels like they don’t love you anymore.
Such a request is often actually a symptom of a relationship going too fast or, the exact opposite, feeling neglected by you. Yet the request for space must be met the same way, with total respect.
If Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Asks for Space
When this request is made by the one you love, you must give it completely. They must come to you when they are ready without you prodding them.
Only the person making this request knows when “enough” space has been given and enough time has passed.
If you pressure them to surrender that space before they are ready, you come across as out of touch with them.
Nothing tells someone you don’t know them as much as being impatient when they ask for space.
I realize that the irony is that you can’t know when they’ve had enough space. But, since it is only the one who asked who will truly know and feel when there has been enough space given, then you must rely on them to lift the veil and return.
This is not the time for impatience.
In fact, if ever there was a time to show patience, this is it! The stakes are high in that if your boyfriend or girlfriend determines that you refuse to give them the space they have requested, it very often results in a breakup and resentment.
Demanding that enough space has been given and that enough time has passed will only make you look mentally unstable and exceptionally immature. That likely isn’t the reality of the situation, but that’s how it will appear.
If it’s really a lazy breakup, then giving them space shows them several things that could have them running back to you:
- It shows that you can give them space which shows confidence, strength, and maturity.
- It gives them space and your absence which is the perfect recipe for getting your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to miss you.
- It prevents them from becoming defensive against you – which will happen if you try to pry them out of their requested rest. You must not cause them to raise their defenses against you because if they feel that the two of you are not “on the same side,” a breakup is inevitable.
You Have No Other Choice If You Want To Keep Them Or Get Them Back
If you want them back, you don’t have any other choice but to give them the space they have requested.
You will want to see them and you will miss them. That’s because you are not wanting space.
Because of that, you and your ex are feeling opposite desires at the moment. Understanding that is key to coming out of this situation with your relationship intact.
If you react out of selfishness, because you want to fill in the space even though they don’t, you will face dealing with this space permanently.
Sure, it’s difficult, but as I’ve said in other posts about getting your ex back, if you love them, you are willing to do difficult things to keep them in your life or to get them back.
I know that is the case with you and so I want you to see this as that difficult task where you can come out as their hero. I didn’t say it would be easy. I said it would be worth it.