If you have been broken up with, it is likely that you are experiencing anxiety, panic, shock, sorrow, desperation, and hopelessness.
People often report loss of appetite due to the discomfort and anxiousness that these feelings cause, often resulting in nausea.
Because of the severity of emotions after being dumped, many people in your shoes feel that their situation is uniquely awful.
People experiencing the pain of being dumped often think that their situation is worse than all or most of the breakup situations out there.
I certainly understand why you feel that way, if you do.
It feels so horrible and terribly unique in terms of how it affects you that it seems like no one else could possibly be going through this or that most people don’t go through this kind of pain from a breakup.
I usually tell people in your shoes that other people experience similar levels of pain and sorrow after a breakup.
However, I also tell them that people in this kind of pain and sorrow very often get back together as well. I’m blessed to see it every single day!
I have a unique vantage point because of the number of breakups I work with.
So I can tell you that the short answer is that, yes, there is hope to get your ex back.
My optimism on people getting their ex back is not because I’m a “pie-in-the-sky” type of guy. It’s because I’ve seen so many success stories that now I expect most cases to work out.
The bottom line is that if you two had a good relationship, if there was chemistry, if you enjoyed each other, and if you didn’t respond too poorly to the breakup, your odds are good to get your ex back.
If you responded poorly to the breakup but had those other positives, your odds are not as good as the example above, but they still are solid.
The No Contact Rule alone increases the likelihood and the level of hope to getting an ex back.
It’s just such a powerful thing that most people so often underestimate and overlook.
It’s not just a way to get your ex to miss you, it’s also a way to prevent you from making mistakes, from keeping them from being pushed away from you by the wrong kind of pressure, for them to see you has having the ability to stay away from them, and a way to get them to see that you could move on which would mean that they could lose you.
Those things work on the mind and heart of your ex and can help to resurrect emotional attraction – the core reason your ex broke up with you in the first place.
If you stay strong, focused, and determined, you give yourself the best chance and greatest hope of getting your ex back.
It’s when people lose it and break no contact that can delay their ex from coming back or prevent it entirely.
If you have broken no contact, get back on the no-contact wagon and stay there! You still have hope, though you might have hurt your odds a bit.
The reason for that is because by you breaking no contact, your ex is reassured that you will wait around on them, that you can’t stay away, and that you aren’t moving on.
They will likely doubt your ability to do so.
Not only will this give them relief because they realize that you are there waiting as a backup plan should they ever change their mind and heart, but it also removes the positive pressure that was probably on them during no contact that was allowing them to see that you could move on and that they could lose you forever if they don’t act.
Your best hope is to push through and remain committed to no contact.
The best part about no contact is that it is sneaky. Your ex doesn’t see it coming.
Your ex starts off in a stage of relief.
They were able to do the difficult, awkward task of breaking up with you and they are relieved that it is over and done.
So they enjoy feeling that it’s over and time for them to move on with life.
This stage usually only lasts for a few days or a couple of weeks.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, your ex starts to be curious as to why you haven’t reached out.
Your ex wonders why you haven’t fought and chased them, begging them to come back or to give you another chance.
That’s when your ex will likely become concerned or even afraid.
The reason for their concern is that if you aren’t chasing them, their mind jumps to the conclusion that you are moving on.
Or, worse, that maybe there is already someone else.
Let me take a second to say that you shouldn’t take pictures of yourself with a potential romantic partner and post it all over social media in hopes that your ex will see it, get jealous, and come running back to you.
It rarely works that way.
Usually they don’t want to face what seems to be an obvious rejection if they try to come back to you while you are with someone else.
So don’t fall for what I call a vengeance strategy. It’s just not effective.
Read more about stages that your ex goes through during no contact.
It’s important that you realize that getting your ex back will often be a case of taking two steps forward and one step back.
It’s not going to happen over night because the breakup itself didn’t happen over night.
It was likely something that your ex was considering for a while unless a major event directly caused a quick breakup.
As long as you are showing strength, respecting your ex’s decision, and giving them the breakup without them feeling you are “trying” to get them back, you have good reason to have hope that your ex will come back.
Trust the process, believe that you are enough without having to come up with excuses to reach out (because it’s unlikely to be effective anyway), and that the principal of scarcity will likely result in your ex missing you (if you stay away).
Stay strong and I’m happy to help.