One question I receive a lot when coaching people to get their ex back is how many times they should keep taking their ex back or trying to get them back.
Recently I guided a client through using the no contact rule to re-attract her ex. But I initially asked her if she was certain she wanted to get him back. He had already broken up with her a couple of times. It wasn’t that she was making mistakes as much as it was immaturity and mental instability on his part.
She still wanted him back even though she admitted he wasn’t good for her and that he would likely break up with her again.
How many times should you take an ex back? Well in this case, the reason she wanted him back so badly was, in part, because she didn’t have him at the moment. He was unattainable and scarce. Therefore he seemed valuable to her.
Recognizing patterns is an important skill to have in life. If your ex keeps leaving you, coming back, and leaving again, a clear pattern is emerging. Past events predict future ones and you certainly don’t want to be in an on again, off again mess.
If your ex has been so unsure of what he/she wants that they keep dumping you, it’s not likely you’re going to show them anything new. And if you did show them something new that made them want to stay, do you really want to be with someone you have to change for or jump through hoops for? Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who wants you just as you are? Someone who makes it easy for you and shows a level of commitment to you?
You know the answer.
Is there a magic number? Maybe. I place the absolute limit on how many times you should take an ex back at three times. If your ex breaks up with you for a third time, move on. Do not take them back or try to get them back.
You make your own decisions of course and are responsible for the consequences, but why would you want to be with someone who is so in and out when it comes to you?
You deserve someone who wants to be with you and isn’t thrown off your scent by situations or other people.
So before you start making an effort to get your ex back – again, ask yourself if you really want to put yourself in a doomed relationship again. It’s not fun to think about and doesn’t feel good but sometimes the best thing for you can be to let your ex go instead of trying to get that person back for a short amount of time only to lose them again. Don’t do that to yourself. It will hurt, but you will most likely be better off without them. So the question is not “can you,” but should you get back with your ex.
To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, schedule a coaching session with me today.