In this video and post, Coach Lee explains why it is vital to your effort to get your ex back for your ex to be ready.
Watch the video above all the way through before continuing with this post.
After a breakup, feelings of panic and desperation can lead us to neglect logical and rational thinking.
That’s where I can help by sharing with you lessons, data, and strategies gleaned from my two decades in the relationship-coaching service.
One of the most important of those is what this article is about:
Your ex being ready.
Ready to get back together with you.
If they are not ready, your efforts to talk your ex into getting back together, you inserting yourself back into their life, and other efforts to re-attract them will be ineffective at best and at worst push your ex even further away.
This can cause delays in the two of you reuniting or even prevent it from ever happening.
How Can You Know If Your Ex Is Ready To Get Back Together?
Is your ex ready to reconcile?
Should you just guess at it?
There is certainly some guess work to this.
As you have likely heard me say in my YouTube Videos, you can’t be certain of how your ex will respond because your ex is a person, not a math problem.
That being said, you can give yourself the best chance possible of getting your ex back.
One way is to give your ex silence and distance after he/she has broken up with you.
That allows your ex to go through stages during no contact that lead them toward wanting you back.
You can read about those stages in the link above.
Right after a breakup, your ex’s emotional attraction for you is at its lowest point.
That’s why the breakup happened.
No matter what your ex might have told you, that’s the real reason it happened.
Otherwise, if attraction from your ex toward you was high enough, no matter what problem came up, he/she would’ve done whatever it took to overcome it.
New job in another state?
“Please move with me!”
Too busy with work?
“We might have to have date night on a Tuesday.”
Needing to work on themselves?
“We can help each other grow.”
You see, most of what your ex said when he/she dumped you was nonsense.
It was just said because your ex thought that you wouldn’t argue with it and that you would give your ex an easy breakup.
The classic, “It’s not you, it’s me,” is a perfect example.
What in the world could you possible say to that?
Your ex just wanted to break up with you and run off into the sunset.
The reason is because your ex wasn’t drawn enough to you, they weren’t motivated enough to be with you, and they weren’t emotionally attracted enough to you to work on the relationship.
It brought me no joy to type that, but I believe that you deserve the truth.
So, in terms of your ex being ready, right after the breakup your ex is certainly not ready.
Attraction is too low at that point
No amount of begging, pleading, promises of change, or declarations of love is likely to sway them.
Because they see you as less attractive at the moment than they used to, you are pitching your least attractive self.
You are at the least-likely point of having influence or pull with your ex.
So the only option you have upon understanding this is to back off and leave your ex alone.
Use the no contact rule.
At that point it’s best if you wait on your ex to reach out to you.
That could take some time.
Based on my experience, the range is 40-65 days but I’ve seen it happen after 11 years!
The point is that if your ex is not ready, there’s no point in trying to discuss getting back together.
It’s like trying to get someone to eat broccoli who hates broccoli.
Your words are falling on deaf ears.
That’s at the moment though.
No Contact has a powerful and surprisingly consistent way of re-attracting your ex to the point that you aren’t broccoli anymore.
You might be surprised how no contact can turn you into ice cream or filet mignon or whatever your favorite food is (maybe it’s broccoli, in which case, you’d actually be broccoli again…but I digress)!
So timing, patience, and self control are your superpowers at this time.
You will get stronger and it will get easier.
All of this while increasing the odds of getting your ex back simply by allowing him/her the opportunity to become ready to get back together.
If you haven’t already, be sure to scroll up and watch my video on this topic all the way through.
I go more in depth and it will reinforce your knowledge of this topic as well as your will power.