“Is my ex pretending to be over me?”
Be sure to watch my video above all the way through before reading this article so that you will be as prepared as possible to get your ex back!
Take your time on this page. This is important!
I wish I had a dime for every time someone asked me that what signs to look for that show their ex is pretending to be over them but really wants to get back together.
Sometimes your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you but after experiencing the breakup decides that they don’t like it.
This happens most often when you use the No Contact Rule because it allows your ex to see that you aren’t going to attempt to fix what they broke.
This puts positive pressure on them and allows them to realize that he/she will lose you if they don’t act to get you back.
Even if your ex isn’t interested in getting you back at first – they rarely are because they thought they wanted the breakup – your ex will likely go through stages during no contact that allow them to see your value more clearly.
This can help get your ex back but also allow them to learn a lesson that could keep you two together in the future.
Sometimes the people we love have to learn life lessons.
When Your Ex Realizes She/He Wants You Back
The No Contact Rule is certainly how to make your ex miss you and want you back.
However, that doesn’t mean that your ex will act immediately to get you back.
After all, your ex likely didn’t act immediately to break up with you.
It likely was something that your ex considered for weeks, months, or even years.
They didn’t want to break up with you.
No sane human being receives joy from hurting someone.
Your ex might have pretended to be fine, even trying to convince themselves that things would turn around and that emotional attraction for you would come back to previous levels.
Eventually though, your ex made the decision to break up with you because they no longer felt emotional attraction to the level that they once did.
That’s the real reason for breakups despite the cliche excuses that your ex might have told you such as, “I need to work on myself,” or “I’m not ready for a relationship,” or whatever else.
Those are fake reasons.
Your ex finally was able to get over the hump and go through the awkward and painful experience of breaking up with you.
It’s not something that your ex wants to experience again.
So while your ex might be pretending to be over you but really miss you and want you back, if your ex is a reasonably mature person, he/she is going to wait before jumping back into a relationship with you.
Some people wait longer than others.
Sometimes it’s just a few days because your ex is so sure of their mistake.
I hope that will be or is the case for you but if it’s not, don’t panic.
If and when your ex wants it enough, he/she will push through and reach out to you.
The much greater risk is in you reaching out.
Your ex could want you back but it pretending to be over you.
Here are 9 signs that your ex is pretending to be over you.
Sign 1 That Your Ex Is Pretending: They Try To Make You Jealous
This applies often if you must see them quite a bit such as in situations where you work with them, own a home together, have children together or run a business with them.
In that situation, the rules of no contact are somewhat different, so see my post on the Strategic Contact Rule.
Maybe they flirt with someone in public.
You might notice that they cut their eyes at you to see if you are watching them with someone else.
Maybe they post pictures of them on a date with someone else (or at least they want you to think it’s a date).
Maybe they post love songs.
There’s all kinds of ways your ex could try to make you feel jealous, but the key is that they want you to worry that they are involved with someone else and interested in someone else.
Sign 2: Your Ex Tries To Convince You That They Are Doing Great
Your ex wants you think that things are going so well in their life and that they are so happy – without you of course.
They tell other people who know you so that hopefully the message will get to you.
The goal is to cause the perception that your ex is happy with the breakup.
And often, over-the-top happy as though they are trying too hard to convince people, especially you.
Sign 3: They Ask How You Are Doing, But Don’t Mention How They Are Doing
That doesn’t mean that if you ask them that they won’t tell you.
They might even pretend that they are doing well.
The underlying sign is that their curiosity is in how you are doing.
This is most likely to see if they are losing you and to see if you are still wanting them back (maybe desperately).
This can be their desire to get an ego stroke and if they feel that you are moving on too fast, it can hurt their ego that they were that easy to get over.
They are looking for signs and clues that you still find them irresistible.
Sign 4: Your Ex Posts Memes/Graphics About Happiness
You know, those peppy and sometimes cheesy memes about joy, who they can “really,” trust, what they’ve learned, and that they have arrived to this area of happiness and contentment.
Here’s a few examples:
You get it. They are so deep now, right?
The idea is that your ex has reached a new level of enlightenment without you.
At least, that’s what they want you to think!
It’s usually an act.
They do this, often, because they want a reaction out of you.
As I’ve mentioned with other signs, it’s because they want to feel the ego stroke of thinking that you still want them and that they could get you back anytime they wanted to.
You know, just in case.
None of these signs mean that you should reach out to your ex.
Only do that in response to a direct message (a call, text, or letter).
Anything else means that they are wanting you to do the heavy lifting so that they can feel wanted and desired.
Plus, you are leaving them in the relief stage which means that you aren’t allowing them to get into the later stages of no contact that cause them to consider that they might have made a mistake in breaking up with you.
You are being baited (and breadcrumbed) and used to boost their ego and make the breakup easier on them (because they don’t have negative consequences if you reassure them).
Make sure your ex experiences negative consequences of the breakup or else they don’t have motivation to change anything.
Sign 5: If Your Ex Hasn’t Gotten Their Stuff, He/She Could Be Pretending To Be Over You
This is especially true in the case of it being significant things that have monetary or sentimental value.
For example, if your ex left socks, that’s not a big deal.
But if your ex left nice clothing, an instrument, electronics, a collection, a pet, jewelry, golf clubs, or anything that you know means something to them, that could be a sign that your ex is pretending to be over you.
It could mean that your ex is using this as an excuse to reach out or come see you.
It could be their ace in the hole.
It could also mean that emotionally speaking, they want to keep a connection to you because it feels good and this can make your ex miss you.
Sometimes they will leave their things there because they want to retain a way back to you – like breakup insurance.
The best strategy here is that you not reach out to your ex to come get their things unless you have to (in the case of you moving or really needing the space).
By not mentioning your ex’s things, you leave them in mystery about them and your feelings on the matter.
Though I don’t at all encourage you to do this, your ex might even wonder if you have thrown their things away.
Mystery is good here and wondering about you and your feelings can get your ex into the further stages of no contact to the point that they worry they couldn’t get you back.
Like maybe you are too far gone or have moved on.
Again, be sure to watch the video above for more information on this.
Sign 6: Your Ex Is Hot and Cold
Your ex reaches out and seems thrilled to talk to you.
Then you don’t hear from him/her for more days than makes sense.
After all, if they were that interested in talking with you, they would want to again soon.
So, even though I encourage you to let your ex be the one to initiate contact, you decide to reach out to them against my urging.
Maybe you don’t get a response at all and it’s like being ghosted.
Maybe you keep sending your ex texts and they eventually respond, but it’s a cold or even angry response.
It makes no sense at all.
This can happen if you were too eager or if you seemed too easily won back.
It’s like buyer’s remorse (or inverse dumper’s remorse) for your ex.
It can also be your ex not wanting you to be assured of their interest in getting back together.
So your ex pretends to be over you by not reaching out and possibly even ignoring you.
But the good news is that this shows that your ex responded to your use of the No Contact Rule and the thought that he/she was going to lose you or that you might be moving on.
So the odds are solid that if you go back into no contact, your ex will have a similar response.
I get more specific in my video posted above.
Sign #7 If They Remove All The Photos Of The Two Of You On Social Media BUT ONE
Though such an action might take your breath away because it seems like such a bad sign, it is actually usually a good one.
The reason it’s a good sign that your ex is pretending to be over you is because it seems to be an action of logic and reason than feelings and emotion.
In other words, your ex tried to erase you from his/her history, but couldn’t.
Leaving one is important.
Your ex likely won’t put this into words for you but it’s likely that this action also suggests that they want you to keep a little bit of hope alive because they are concerned that you might move on completely.
Leaving that picture, in terms of what your ex is thinking, will prevent you from moving on as quickly because you will not give up.
At least that’s what they probably think.
Sure, we are talking about small things, but this seemingly small sign of pretending can grow to a big deal.
They couldn’t bring themselves to get rid of that last picture and your ex just doesn’t want you to go anywhere until they can figure out their complete feelings on things.
I don’t mean to give you false hope, but it’s a positive sign most of the time.
This can be useful for encouragement for sure, but I suggest that you strongly avoid stalking them on social media, reaching out (a big no-no), or talking to others about them keeping that one picture (massive no-no).
Sign #8 That Your Ex Isn’t Over You: You Randomly Hear From Your Ex’s Friends Who Weren’t Really Your Friends
Out of the blue you get a text from a friend of your ex’s that maybe you were introduced to once.
How did they even get your phone number?
Such actions are rarely coincidence.
This “friend,” just wants to see how you’re doing.
This could be your ex using them to spy on you.
This would be a sign that your ex is not over you and that they are pretending to be over you.
This would be your ex trying to test the waters with you without looking like they were the one to do it.
This shows that your ex’s ego is taking a hit from you not chasing them and from you using the No Contact Rule.
It also shows that your ex is moving forward into deeper stages of their response to your silence.
Now for the final sign!
Sign 9: If Your Ex Keeps Their Schedule Consistent
This is especially true if you know your ex’s schedule.
Maybe they go to a gym at a certain time.
Maybe they attend the early church service.
Maybe they are at a certain coffee shop on a certain day of the week.
They maintain the schedule that your ex knows you know and maybe they even make social posts showing them doing these things at the same time.
Why might they do this?
Just in case you wanted to see them, you’d know where they are.
This DOES NOT mean that you should go meet/see them at these places.
For your own good, don’t!
You just fall for their plan and desire to be chased.
They’ll likely run.
By showing up, even if it’s “by accident” (you aren’t fooling anyone) you’ll just show your ex that they have a free pass.
That they aren’t risking losing you.
That you aren’t moving on and that you are still interested.
You’ll undo the progress that you have made in no contact.
Don’t fall for that.
If you think your ex is just pretending to be over you, the techniques I recommend in my Emergency Breakup Kit become even more powerful.