Does My Ex Think About Me?

Is Infatuation or Limerence Bad?

A common question I’m asked by coaching clients is, “Does my ex think about me?”

Because you are thinking about your ex, you wonder if they also think about you.

That makes complete sense.

It would be emotionally painful to think that your ex doesn’t think about you at all since you are thinking about them a lot, if not constantly, following the breakup.

When determining the answer to the question, “Does my ex think about me?” I first want you to consider how long ago you two broke up.

If it has been years, the odds are less that your ex thinks about you than if it has only been days, weeks, or months.

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If you two have been out of the relationship you had for a long period of time, the odds that they think about you often, other than a passing moment here or there, is slim.

But if it’s been days, weeks, or less than 6 months from the breakup, the odds are that your ex thinks about you quite a bit.

What About Right After The Breakup?

Our first assumption is that our ex thinks about us the most and has the most difficulty with the breakup right after it happens.

That is actually untrue in most situations.

In other articles and videos, I describe the stages that your ex goes through after a breakup.

Basically, the time immediately following the breakup is the stage of relief.

Your ex is glad that they’ve gotten the breakup over with (it’s not like they were looking forward to it).

It is at this point that they are least receptive to getting back together because it would feel like they were moving backwards since they have gotten such a difficult thing over with.

In this stage your ex will think of you often, but not nearly as much as in the coming days and weeks.

The reason that your ex won’t think of you as much immediately following the breakup is because of this period of relief that I mentioned.

Your ex is focused on “moving on,” being around their friends, and enjoying life without you for whatever reason.

As I explain in the video above, if you leave them alone during this time, your ex will move through the relief stage faster than if you engage them during this time.

The faster that your ex gets through the relief period, the faster they will turn their thoughts to you in the next stage.

The stage following relief is curiosity and this is when your ex likely begins thinking about you a lot more as they wonder why you aren’t chasing them, what you are doing, how you can be so strong, and if you are going to contact them.

What you are doing is letting your ex experience the consequences of their actions.

You are letting them feel the loss. Every single second, progress is being made in their mind.

Your Ex’s Habits and Their Thoughts

Your ex is a creature of habit as are we all.

This works to your advantage because it’s very likely that your ex texted you at certain times of the day, expected to hear from you at certain times of the day, and checked their phone during breaks or time periods.

You two might have had a lunch together one or more specific days of the week or did regular things that you each enjoyed.

When the time rolls around for those things to happen, your ex can’t help but think of you and if you are leaving your ex alone, it will magnify their curiosity and even has the potential to turn into preoccupation over you.

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How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex So Much

Thinking about your ex too much is counterproductive.

It will get you down, tempt you to reach out to them which, if you do, will ruin your progress.

Thinking about your ex constantly will also prevent you from focusing on yourself as you should be doing so that you can improve and be a better girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, person, and total catch when your ex comes around.

When you feel like you can’t get your ex off of your mind, do this:

Tell yourself that you are going to take a five minute break from thinking about your ex.

Assure yourself that you can go back to thinking about him or her after that but that you are going to take a short break.

Add five minutes with each break you take and try to take at least three breaks per day.

During those breaks from thinking about your ex, do the following:

Go outside.

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Take a walk.

Call a friend.

Spend time with your pet if you have one.

Play an instrument – even if it’s the kazoo.

Read a book.

Do something that puts your focus elsewhere.

Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!

It’s important that you make progress, even if it is a small step.

Just make progress and move toward being stronger and thinking about your ex less.

It becomes easier each time and before you know it you are thinking about your ex much less.

Right now your focus is on what you have lost and on trying to get that back.

emergency breakup kit

You have lost control and don’t know how to get them back so your brain is panicked and anxious.

While your ex starts to feel the fear of loss because you aren’t reaching out, the odds increase that they will contact you.

The tables turn and your ex begins to feel the loss and consequences of the breakup.

This is when the odds are highest that your ex will feel the intensity of separation anxiety and want to get you back.

It is also during this time that your ex spends a large amount of time reflecting on the relationship with you.

So your ex begins thinking about you a lot once the curiosity stage begins and into the concern/fear stage.

emergency breakup kit

This often causes your ex to miss you enough to do something about it.

I hope this information encourages you and helps you stay strong during no contact.

To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, Schedule A Coaching Call With Me or get more information on my Emergency Breakup Kit.

-Coach Lee

About Coach Lee

Coach Lee, Master of Marriage & Family Counseling, helps people save relationships. He developed the Emergency Breakup Kit, a powerful guide to winning back an ex. Get information on the Kit by Clicking Here! If your MARRIAGE is struggling, get his free mini-course on saving a marriage.

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