How Does An Ex Come Back And Why?

How does an ex come back to you

In this video, Coach Lee, explains how your ex comes back to you and why they do so sometimes but not in other situations.

Be sure to watch the video above all the way through because details matter if you want the best chance possible of getting your ex back.

Again, that’s if you want the best chance you can have.

An ex’s journey back to you can be a beautiful thing.

It’s common for people to feel that a breakup forever damages a relationship or proves that the two were not meant to be together.

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That is usually not the case.

A breakup can actually be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship for a few potential reasons:

  1. Your ex learns a valuable lesson that will prevent future breakups because they will remember that they didn’t like being without you.
  2. The two of you become better at appreciating each other and the special bond you share because you have been without it and might have thought that it was lost forever.
  3. The breakup brings the realization that no matter how good the relationship was at one point, it could (and should) be made stronger.

Why Does An Ex Come Back?

An ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend comes back because they see that being with you is better than being without you.

That’s the simple answer to why he or she comes back.

You probably assume correctly, however, that there is more to it than that.

The complete answer, as you might imagine, is more detailed, nuanced, and contains exceptions.

It is key for you to know that your ex only learns this if they are able to experience being without you.

It’s a difficult lesson for you to allow your ex to learn, but if you want your ex back, he/she must learn it.

I discuss this in much more detail in the video above (so be sure to watch it all the way through) and in my Emergency Breakup Kit.

Assuming you’ve watched the video, let’s continue.

When your ex broke up with you, he/she held the belief by at least a slight majority inside, that being without you was:

  • where they were headed,
  • would bring more happiness than being with you,
  • and/or needed to happen because of negatives associated with being with you

Whereas your first instinct might be to address those things, that would be like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube.


Because even if a significant number of negatives existed in the relationship, if attraction is high enough, your ex wouldn’t be likely to break up with you.

Even if your ex wondered about the future, if attraction were high enough, they wouldn’t and couldn’t imagine a future without you.

And as far as thinking someone else or some alternate future would bring them more happiness, if attraction were high enough, there is no way that your ex is going to think that.

By attraction, I don’t only mean physical attraction.

I’m talking about the full spectrum of attraction – physical, emotional, and intellectual.

So it is attraction that starts the process of attracting your ex back and what brings them back fully.

So to be clear:

An ex leaves because attraction falls.

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An ex returns because attraction recovers and re-attracts them.

How Does Attraction Return and Bring Your Ex Back?

Signs your ex still has feelings for you

A funny thing happens after a breakup.

I don’t mean “ha ha” funny.

I know it’s painful to you and that’s not what I’m talking about.

What I mean is that your ex thinks that the fork in the road came when they chose the path to break up with you.

That was a fork, but the more important fork in the road comes when your ex has to actually experience the breakup.

The problem is that most people in your shoes, assuming your ex broke up with you, don’t allow them to experience it or don’t allow them to experience it ENOUGH.

This is true for dating and attracting someone in general.

That is, when someone is pursuing you, here isn’t enough room to be attracted to them.

Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!

You might like the pursuit because it makes you feel attractive, sexy, handsome, pretty, smart, etc.

But that doesn’t mean that you will be attracted to another person.

If a man tells a woman she is pretty, that might make her feel attractive, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that she will be attracted.

See the difference?

Likewise, if a woman tells a man that he is handsome or intelligent, that might make him feel like the man or that he is attractive, but it doesn’t mean that he starts to think of her in the same way.

Anyone can pay you a compliment.

Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!

That doesn’t mean that you were or will be attracted to them.

I’m not saying that you never compliment someone that you are attracted to, but if you do so in an effort to attract him/her, you are likely to be disappointed if attraction wasn’t already there.

The same is true of re-attracting your ex.

If you pursue them, you are, in a sense, pushing rather than pulling.

The reason for that is, if your ex sees you still showing interest, reaching out, complimenting them, telling them that you want to get back together, etc., your ex sees you as constantly an option.

So your ex doesn’t have to think of you as a hot commodity that could be unavailable.

Instead, your ex figures that if they ever happened to want to get back together with you, all they would have to do is say the word.

It isn’t until you ex experiences a real breakup to the point that you stop pursuing and show your ex that you can (and will) stay away.

It is at that point that your ex realizes they could lose you.

It might not mean a whole lot to him or her at first, but it allows for your ex to reconsider.

emergency breakup kit

It takes some of the easy control away from them.

It magnifies a moment of doubt, where your ex misses your company or wonders about you.

When your ex’s phone buzzes and when they pick it up, it’s not you.

Your ex has to think the thought that maybe you could move on.

Your ex wonders what you’re up to and if you are spending time with someone else.

It’s in the mystery that silence brings that attraction can happen.

This is especially true of an ex, who has good times to remember where you two experienced intimacy, fun, laughter, passion, and companionship.

emergency breakup kit

It is when you stay away and stay silent that re-attraction can occur.

The reason for that is because your ex has to experience the threat of loss – or at the very least the realization that they could lose you before your ex could have a reason to undo the breakup and return to you.

After all, if you are still there – still contacting, pursuing, liking posts, and letting them know that you are interested, why would they have a need to get back together with you or to seek your presence?

If you haven’t left them, what is there to regain?

Allow your ex the opportunity to really experience what a breakup with you feels like, means, and could mean for the future.

If you don’t allow your ex to experience being gone, why would they have reason to come back?

If the breakup isn’t a negative experience, why would they seek to undo it?

I HIGHLY recommend my Emergency Breakup Kit. With it you can gain from my two decades in the relationship-recovery service.

It is a powerful resource to help you get your ex back!

Coach Lee
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About Coach Lee

Coach Lee, Master of Marriage & Family Counseling, helps people save relationships. He developed the Emergency Breakup Kit, a powerful guide to winning back an ex. Get information on the Kit by Clicking Here! If your MARRIAGE is struggling, get his free mini-course on saving a marriage.

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