How To Save Your Marriage While Separated

How to save your marriage while separated.

If you want to know how to save your marriage while separated, it’s vital to approach the situation with understanding and proactive steps to rebuild the connection to potentially bring back the desire to be together from both spouses.

The process isn’t always straightforward and requires patience, communication, and sometimes creativity.

For a situation where a marriage is going through a phase of separation, here are some strategies to consider:

Minimize the Physical Distance: If circumstances allow, try to reduce the physical distance between you and your spouse.

This doesn’t necessarily mean living together again immediately, but being in closer proximity can facilitate more natural interactions.

If you’re in different places, consider staying somewhere closer to your spouse or finding ways to be in the same area more frequently.

Importance of Shared Space for Families: For couples with children, maintaining proximity is even more critical.

It ensures that both parents are accessible, providing stability and emotional support to the children during a potentially confusing period.

This also allows your spouse to see you being a good, devoted parent.

If you have children, you know how meaningful it is when someone is good to them.

It is also attractive to see your spouse interacting and being good to the children the two of you share.

Regular Meetings or Dates: Establishing a routine for meeting or going on dates can be beneficial if you want to save your marriage while separated.

These don’t have to be elaborate; simple lunches or coffee meetings to discuss everyday matters like kids, finances, or general updates can help maintain a connection.

The key is to keep these interactions positive and light-hearted while also reminiscing about good times and shared memories.

Develop a Reunification Plan: Work on a shared plan to end the separation.

This involves understanding each other’s needs and concerns and discussing potential steps towards living together again.

The plan should be realistic and considerate of both partners’ feelings and circumstances.

It’s important to approach these discussions calmly and constructively, avoiding arguments and negativity.

Teamwork in Activities: Finding activities or projects that require teamwork can strengthen the bond.

This could be anything from family-related tasks, home improvement projects, to joint business ventures.

Working together towards a common goal can rekindle feelings of partnership and cooperation.

Though this might sound obvious, remember that you shouldn’t broadcast your strategy to your spouse.

In other words, you shouldn’t say, “I think that teamwork will bring us closer and save our marriage even though we’re separated. So I have some activities for us to do together.”

Just do it.

Don’t talk about it. Don’t ask your spouse if he/she feels closer to you since you have been doing certain things.

Focus on actions and don’t clinicalize it by talking about it.

That’s one of the last things that you should do if you want to save your marriage while separated.

Avoid Negative Interactions With Your Separated Spouse: Steer clear of arguments, criticism, and negative conversations.

Focusing on positive interactions and avoiding deep emotional discussions is usually more effective when two people are separated unless there are specific issues that are keeping them apart and truly need further discussion.

However, even then, positive interactions are key to restoring motivation of your spouse to actually work on the relationship. Conflict and negative interactions are damaging to the liklihood of reuniting, particularly with the relationship in a fragile state. I

t’s crucial to gauge the specific circumstances and emotional readiness of both spouses.

Focus on building a positive atmosphere between the two of you when interacting.

It’s more beneficial to have fewer, but positive interactions than to have frequent negative ones.

In fact, research suggests that for every 1 negative interaction you have with your spouse, it will take at least 6 positive interactions just to balance it out.

Positive reinforcement and gratitude can go a long way in healing and rebuilding a relationship.

Professional Help: Sometimes, seeking help from a marriage coach can provide the tools and guidance needed to navigate through the separation.

We can offer objective advice and strategies tailored to your specific situation.

Personal Growth and Self-Reflection: I have to say this part even though it sounds cliché and even slightly pretentious.

Use this time apart to reflect on personal growth and changes you can make to be a better partner to your spouse.

This isn’t about drastically changing who you are but about improving aspects of yourself that can contribute to a healthier relationship.

Get my FREE minicourse on saving your marriage!

Should You Take Advice From Friends And Family To Save Your Marriage While Separated?

When navigating the challenging waters of a separation and attempting to save your marriage, one crucial aspect to consider is the role of external influences, particularly the advice of friends and family.

While their intentions may be good, there are several reasons why their guidance is not likely to be the best approach:

Bias and Subjectivity: Friends and family are inherently biased. They care about you and naturally want to support you, but this can significantly skew their perspective.

Their primary concern is your well-being, not necessarily the health of the marriage or understanding your spouse’s viewpoint.

This bias can lead to advice that is more about defending or comforting you rather than finding a balanced solution that works for both spouses in the marriage.

Friends and family can consider you the victim in matters or misunderstandings that don’t require a victim and a villain.

Limited Experience and Expertise: Most friends and family are not relationship experts. Their advice is often based on personal experiences or anecdotal evidence, which may not apply to your unique situation.

Each marriage has its own dynamics, and what worked in one case may not be effective in another.

Their well-meaning suggestions might oversimplify complex issues, overcomplicate minor issues, or ignore the nuances of your relationship.

Potential for Meddling and Gossip: Involving friends and family in your marital issues can sometimes lead to unwanted gossip or meddling.

What is shared in confidence can inadvertently become a topic of conversation among a wider circle, which can lead to misunderstandings and additional strain on the relationship.

If this gossip gets back to your spouse, it can exacerbate the situation, create trust issues, and greatly hinder reconciliation efforts.

Amplifying Negative Emotions: Friends and family, in their efforts to support you, might inadvertently amplify negative feelings.

They may validate your anger or frustration without offering a constructive path forward.

While it’s important to have emotional support, constantly focusing on the negatives can make it harder for you to approach reconciliation with a clear and positive mindset.

Undermining Direct Communication: Relying too much on third-party advice can sometimes discourage direct communication between spouses.

The path to healing in a marriage often involves open, honest, and sometimes difficult conversations (though these conversations should happen in light of what I previsously mentioned about avoiding negatives unless necessary and to focus more on positives).

When you’re receiving a lot of external input, it’s easy to lose sight of the importance of talking directly to your spouse to understand their feelings and perspectives.

Friends and family can misrepresent your spouses intentions, views, or actions and cause you to go down the wrong path in your approach.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen it a lot.

Creating Additional Pressure: Friends and family might push you towards decisions that aren’t in line with your own desires or the best interests of your marriage.

Feeling pressured to take a certain stance or action because it aligns with someone else’s opinion or experience can lead to choices that you might later regret.

In fact, you will probably regret such choices later, especially if you are trying to save your marriage while separated.

In light of these considerations, it’s often more beneficial to seek guidance from neutral, professional sources such as a marriage coach.

Professionals can provide unbiased, expert advice tailored to your specific situation.

They can help you navigate the complexities of your relationship without the additional complications that can arise from well-meaning but potentially misguided advice from personal acquaintances.

In conclusion, saving a marriage while separated is a challenging but not impossible task.

It requires a balanced approach of practical steps, emotional understanding, and a commitment to working through the issues together.

Each marriage is unique, so it’s important to find the strategies that work best for your specific situation.

Get my FREE minicourse on saving your marriage!


Coach Lee

About Coach Lee

Coach Lee, Master of Marriage & Family Counseling, helps people save relationships. He developed the Emergency Breakup Kit, a powerful guide to winning back an ex. Get information on the Kit by Clicking Here! If your MARRIAGE is struggling, get his free mini-course on saving a marriage.

View all posts by Coach Lee →