How To Know If Your Marriage Is Over

Is my marriage over?

Many individuals question the fate of their marriage during challenging times.

Over my two decades of coaching, I’ve witnessed numerous marriages being rejuvenated.

This provides insight and strategies for those wondering, “Is my marriage over?”

Time is Probably on Your Side

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that discovering marital problems doesn’t necessitate immediate action or spell the end.

Even if divorce proceedings haven’t started, or communication seems strained, there is likely time to work on your relationship.

Viewing this as a long-term journey rather than a sprint is crucial.

Rash decisions or forced solutions often lead to further issues and could bring about the marriage being over.

Remember, you likely have time to reflect, breathe, and plan your next steps carefully and that’s where we can help.

Get my free mini-course on saving a marriage that offers additional insights and tools to help revitalize your marriage.

The Root of Marital Pain: Conflict or Underlying Issues

Often, the way couples handle conflict can be significantly more damaging than the issues themselves.

Constant negativity, arguments, criticism, and the ever-present sense of “something being wrong” that can bring a dark view of your spouse can erode the desire to stay in the marriage.

It’s essential to focus on positive interactions and minimize negative ones.

In my informed opinion, it’s the most important thing you can do to keep a marriage alive.

Research suggests that it takes 6 or more positive interactions to balance out a single negative one.

Therefore, addressing issues in a constructive, positive way is far more beneficial than endless debates or arguments drenched in negativity.

Commitment: The Foundation of Marital Resilience

In the journey of marriage, commitment stands as the unyielding foundation that weathers both the highs and lows.

It’s essential to recognize that the true essence of commitment is its steadfast nature during turbulent times.

This understanding deepens when we reflect on the vows taken by most couples – “for better or worse.”

These words aren’t just a poetic chants; they are a solemn promise, a declaration of unwavering support regardless and even IN SPITE of the circumstances.

Commitment in marriage is not just about staying together when things are favorable; it’s about holding on even when the path gets rocky.

It’s about understanding that life will inevitably present challenges, and that these are the moments when commitment truly shows its worth.

After all, if commitment only exists during the good times, it loses all of its significance.

What kind of shallow, meaningless commitment only sticks around when things are going well?

The vows of “for better or worse” symbolize a pact that transcends the superficial layers of happiness and comfort.

They represent a deep-rooted agreement that says, “I’m with you no matter what.”

This implies a readiness to face the storms together, to not seek excuses to abandon ship when the waters get rough.

It’s a pledge to not walk away during trouble, but rather, to be the partner who stands firm, offering strength, support, and devotion.

In essence, commitment in marriage is about recognizing that the journey isn’t always going to be smooth.

There will be bad times, maybe even terrible times, but these are the very instances that test and ultimately strengthen the bond.

It’s in these challenging periods that the true depth of the relationship is tested and revealed.

A strong commitment means understanding that difficulties and disagreements are part of the package, not reasons to give up.

Furthermore, commitment is about more than just staying physically together; it’s about emotional and mental support, understanding, patience, and peace.

It’s about working through issues, not just sweeping them under the rug.

It’s about growing together, learning from each experience, and emerging stronger.

In summary, the crux of commitment in marriage lies in its ability to create resilience.

It’s a promise to stand by each other, to face life’s complexities together, and to honor the vow of “for better OR worse.”

This kind of commitment leads to a secure environment where both partners can flourish, knowing they have a steadfast companion in each other, no matter what life throws their way.

The Impact of Affairs

Infidelity can drastically change the dynamics within a marriage.

Even the suspicion of an affair often leads to increased conflict, resentment, and emotional distance.

The spouse engaged in the affair might exhibit unexplained behavioral changes, leading to further strain.

Addressing this issue sensitively and honestly is crucial in assessing the future of the relationship.

If you suspect that your spouse is having an affair, often times your suspicions are correct.

If you see signs that your spouse is having an affair, it doesn’t mean that your marriage is over.

In fact, that is one of the main reasons that my Relationship Reignite workshop exists.

Respect is Non-Negotiable

Respect is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

If there’s a lack of respect, it’s vital to address this immediately.

Allowing disrespect only diminishes attraction and fuels a negative environment.

Standing up for oneself calmly and disengaging from disrespectful interactions teaches your spouse how to treat you and can help in re-establishing mutual respect.

Legal Considerations in Potential Divorce

Should your spouse express a desire to end the marriage, it’s prudent to seek legal counsel immediately regardless of the outcome.

This step is not about preparing for divorce but about understanding your rights and protecting your interests, especially if children are involved.

Ensuring your active involvement in your children’s lives is crucial, both for their wellbeing and for potential legal proceedings related to custody.

The Importance of Parenting

Being a good parent is not only vital for your children’s development but also plays a significant role in your attractiveness as a spouse.

Demonstrating your commitment to family life can remind your spouse of the importance of the family unit, potentially encouraging them to reconsider the decision to leave.

People Can Change

Change is possible, though it often requires time and reflection.

Sometimes, experiencing loss or seeing the potential consequences of their actions can lead to significant changes in a partner’s attitude and behavior.

Understanding that change is a slow process is key in navigating through marital difficulties.

Delay Divorce Proceedings

If divorce seems imminent, seeking ways to delay proceedings can be beneficial.

This delay allows for emotions to settle and provides additional time for both partners to reflect on their relationship.

It’s a tactic that can open doors to reconciliation and understanding, offering a chance to salvage the marriage.


In conclusion, addressing marital challenges is a complex process that requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt.

While the question, “Is my marriage over?” is daunting, it opens the door to self-reflection and potential growth within the relationship.

By considering the strategies outlined, such as focusing on positive interactions, respecting each other, understanding the impact of external factors like affairs, and seeking legal advice when necessary, couples can navigate their way through difficult times.

Remember, change is a gradual process, and often, the most significant transformations come from patient, consistent efforts.

For those needing more guidance, my free mini-course on saving a marriage offers additional insights and tools to help revitalize your marriage.

Remember, this journey is a marathon, not a sprint, and every step taken is a step towards a potentially stronger, more fulfilling relationship.


Coach Lee

About Coach Lee

Coach Lee, Master of Marriage & Family Counseling, helps people save relationships. He developed the Emergency Breakup Kit, a powerful guide to winning back an ex. Get information on the Kit by Clicking Here! If your MARRIAGE is struggling, get his free mini-course on saving a marriage.

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