In this article and video I’m going to answer the question, “Will your ex tell you if they want you back?”
Watch my video above all the way through as I explain how your ex might go about trying to get you back during no contact.
And then read the article below to get a better understanding of the things your ex might do if they want you back but don’t know how to reach out or what to say.
The no-brainer thing I’ll say right off is that being dumped is difficult.
In fact, it’s often devastating.
I’ve been there myself, I have been there for friends who have gone through it, and I coach lots of people as they go through it.
It’s one of life’s difficulties that most of us experience.
Breakups are the single person’s divorce.
It flips your world upside down and leaves you feeling deep, seemingly inextinguishable sorrow.
But, I can give you some intel from the other side.
It’s usually difficult for the dumper as well.
The person who did the breaking up is usually going through similar pain and anxiety, often fearing that he or she has made a monumental mistake.
This often comes as a surprise to the person who was dumped, who often assumes that the dumper flicked a switch and now feels little to nothing for them and is even celebrating their new-found freedom.
That is hardly ever the case.
What’s going on in the mind/heart of your ex is often similar to what is going on in your mind/heart.
You are not the only one hurting.
Why Is My Ex Not Reaching Out If They Miss Me and Want Me Back?
This is one of the questions I most often get from coaching clients.
“Will my ex tell me or reach out if they want me back?”
It makes sense to ask, if your ex misses you and is going through misery without you, why doesn’t he (or she) reach out to you and end the suffering of both of you?
Trust me, I get it.
Sometimes your ex will do that.
Sometimes your ex will text or call and say, “I miss you and I want to get back together.”
As you can imagine, it’s wonderful for both when that happens.
But I’m sorry to say that it rarely happens that way.
As I explain in the video above, we don’t live in a perfect world.
We live in a world where things aren’t always black and white or yes and no.
There’s a lot of “grey” and “maybe” out there.
Your ex might be fighting the urge to reach out to you (see my article “Is No Contact Working” to get an idea of the signs of your ex is missing you).
What’s more, if your ex boyfriend (or ex girlfriend) misses you and wants you back, he/she might not have a clue how to go about making that happen.
How To Know If Your Ex Wants You Back
After a breakup, many people unknowingly make moves that cost them ground. My Emergency Breakup Kit shows what helps, what hurts, and what often pushes an ex away.
I’m sure you want to know if there are some signs your ex wants you back.
It’s possible that your ex wants you back but doesn’t know how to get you back.
The concept that your ex, who broke up with you, doesn’t know how to get you back might seem absurd to you.
After all, you are likely thinking, “This person dumped me. I wanted to keep the relationship and they know that. All they have to do is reach out and ask for me back!”
You know that and I know that.
Your ex likely doesn’t.
If your ex wants you back, they likely wonder if you want them back as well.
In fact, your ex likely wonders if you’ll respond with anger if they reach out and ask for you back.
Your ex, like everyone else, doesn’t want to feel rejection, which sounds ironic to you right now since he/she is the one who broke up with you.
But if they feel that you might reject their request to get back together, it’s a large hurdle to them to make that request.
It’s a source of anxiety and even finding the words to ask you to get back together is a difficult and anxious task.
Your ex is likely wondering what in the world they should say because, as I’ve mentioned before, it’s not like your ex is an expert at dealing with breakups.
Your ex has likely only seen a small handful of breakups if that (whereas I’ve seen literally thousands) so he or she has little to no idea on how to go about things.
Some signs your ex wants you back are that he or she reaches out to you, talks to mutual friends about you asking how you are doing or what you are doing, posting pictures on social media of places you went or even the two of you together, posting memes about regrets, approaching you in public and being touchy with you, and there are other signs.
You will likely have a good idea unless your ex is uneasy about reaching out or approaching you.
Your Ex Might Need A Little Bit of Help From You If They Want You Back
If you’ve read my material or have watched my videos on getting your ex back, you know that I am a strong believer, based on the observations of nearly two decades in relationship recovery, in not chasing your ex if you want them back.
In fact, it will appear as if you are buying into the old saying, “If you love someone, let them go.“
I teach no contact and I watch it work over and over and over with my coaching clients who are overjoyed and often surprised that it worked so well to make their ex miss them.
So by “helping your ex,” I am not saying that you should chase or break no contact before a certain amount of time has passed (more than you are thinking and no, not just “30 days,” in most cases).
What I am saying is that in many cases, your ex will reach out to you under the guise of asking, “how you are doing,” and/or just to “check on you.”
Very often that is their way of testing the water with you, so to speak, and trying to determine if you are open to getting back together.
That’s why I strongly suggest you be polite, upbeat, and friendly when your ex contacts you rather than bitter, cold, or sad.
Often times, that will encourage them to take it further and suggest meeting up or even directly saying they want to get back together.
The more direct and obvious reach outs are when your ex will say, “I miss you.”
If he or she does that, they likely feel that they are really sticking their neck out and taking a risk.
While I don’t suggest you saying that you miss them too at that exact moment, I do suggest you casually suggest the two of you get together to catch up.
That’s because you can accomplish much more face to face than with text.
Texting and even calls are no match for what face to face can accomplish for a broken-up couple considering getting back together.
When you get together with them, keep things casual, slow, and happy. Exclude anger, bitterness, and sadness.
For the rest of how you can get your ex back when they don’t know how to get YOU back, watch the video at the top of this post.
If you’re trying to figure out whether your ex wants you back but isn’t saying it directly, these are some of the most common questions people ask when they’re in no contact and feeling unsure about what their ex’s behavior means.
To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, get my Emergency Breakup Kit as soon as possible.
–Coach Lee
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Will my ex reach out if they miss me?
Sometimes, but not always directly. Missing you does not automatically give your ex the confidence to reach out. Fear of rejection, pride, and uncertainty often get in the way. Your ex may worry that you are angry, have moved on, or would reject them if they tried. In many cases, they hope you will make the first move so they do not have to risk being turned down.
Why hasn’t my ex contacted me if they want me back?
Because wanting you back and feeling safe enough to act on it are two different things. After a breakup, your ex is often conflicted and emotionally unsure. No contact can actually intensify these feelings at first because it removes reassurance. While this feels painful for you, it is often the very thing that forces your ex to confront the loss and question their decision.
What does it mean when my ex “checks in” on me?
When an ex checks in, it is often a low risk way of testing the emotional waters. They may say they just wanted to see how you are doing, but underneath that is usually curiosity. They want to know if you are open, calm, and safe to talk to again. How you respond matters far more than what they say in that moment.
Should I tell my ex I miss them if they reach out?
Not right away. While it is tempting to be honest and emotional, doing so can place pressure back on your ex before they are ready. A calm, positive response keeps the door open and allows them to continue moving toward you. If your ex truly wants to reconnect, that will become clearer through their actions rather than emotional declarations early on.
How long does it take for an ex to reach out if they regret the breakup?
There is no universal timeline. Some exes reach out within weeks, others take months, and some need significant space before regret sets in. It depends on the length of the relationship, how the breakup was handled, and whether you respected their need for space. What matters most is that no contact allows regret to develop naturally instead of being blocked by pressure or overpursuit.
Do exes usually say they want you back directly?
Rarely at first. Most exes do not begin with a clear statement because they fear rejection or reopening conflict. Instead, they test the waters through small conversations, casual check-ins, or indirect contact before expressing stronger intentions.
Are they waiting for me to make the first move?
Sometimes. After a breakup, both people may fear rejection. Your ex may hope you will show openness first so they do not risk being turned away. However, chasing too quickly can remove the uncertainty that motivates them to step forward.
Why would an ex hide their feelings instead of admitting them?
Pride, fear of rejection, and uncertainty about whether getting back together would work can all cause hesitation. Many people need to feel emotionally safe before revealing vulnerable feelings, especially if the breakup was painful.
