In the video above, I walk you through 3 steps to get your ex back after he or she broke up with you.
Be sure to watch it all the way through and then read the entire post below so that you fully understand the process.
That will give you the best chance possible of getting your ex back.
Step 1 To Get Your Ex Back
The first step to getting your ex back ideally happens shortly after they broke up with you.
If your ex is aware that you don’t want the breakup, then you must give him or her the breakup.
That’s step one and you give your ex the breakup by using the No Contact Rule.
That rule means that you don’t initiate contact with your ex.
It prevents you from making some big mistakes that can stop you from getting your ex back.
You see, staying in contact with your ex can actually help your ex to get over you.
It can enable them to stick with the breakup.
What happens is that when you stay in contact with your ex after they broke up with you, you protect your ex from having to experience the breakup.
Your ex will still have at least some of your company.
No matter how casual you think you come off, your ex will still get the idea that you are interested and are trying to get them back.
What you need to happen is for your ex to be without you and to have little or no information about what is going on with you.
That way, your ex can reach a place where he or she believes or fears that they might couldn’t get you back if they changed their mind and wanted you back.
So far, your ex has been in a place of ego inflation because the breakup caused them to feel more attractive than you.
After all, they rejected you.
They put you aside.
It’s natural for them to feel higher on the totem pole of attraction than you because of that.
And with most people who break up with someone, the natural assumption at first is that they could have you back at any time if they wanted you.
That lowers your value and prevents them from experiencing the feelings and realization of loss.
Your ex will experience loss when he/she notices that you are strong enough to stay away and begins to be curious about that.
Once the realization sets in that you might not be easily gotten back, your ex finally starts to experience the breakup and feel potential loss.
That’s why it is crucial that you don’t beg, plead, bribe, or attempt to communicate with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.
You must give the breakup to him or her.
Surrender for the moment.
That’s what step one is all about.
Step 2 To Reunite With Your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend
Once you have dedicated yourself to not contacting your ex (note, if you are married see my post, “Getting Your Husband Or Wife Back With The No Contact Rule” after reading this one), it’s time to turn inwardly.
That is, since you are not interacting with your ex, you need to begin interacting with yourself.
Get reacquainted with yourself.
There’s more of a reason for doing this than just because it sounds good.
In keeping with the title of this article, it truly is a step to help you get your ex back.
When you focus on yourself – that is, on making yourself better – you become more attractive.
You focus on yourself physically to be more fit, improve your look, smile more, etc., you become more physically attractive.
You focus on your emotional health by reading a good self-help book, developing positive thinking (optimistic instead of pessimistic), see a counselor, get involved at church, etc., and you become more emotionally attractive.
You focus on your intellectual health by learning more about the world around you, what you believe, religion, politics, health, philosophy, etc. and you become more intellectually attractive in addition to becoming a better conversationalist since you will have more to talk about.
This way, when your ex does want that meet up, he or she sees an even more attractive you than they remember!
It can be overwhelming for them and can often push them over the edge in terms of realization of what they had, gave up, and want back.
Don’t underestimate that you are doing this for yourself as well.
Some people say that you are only doing it for yourself but I think that this is semantics.
Of course you are doing it for yourself but, if you are being honest, you are wanting to re-attract your ex as well.
You will, however, be a more fulfilled person by doing those things and you obviously want that.
Step 3: You Decide After Enough Time
Based on my twenty years in the relationship-recovery service, for non-married relationships, two and a half months is about the right amount of time for the No Contact Rule to work most of what it’s going to on an ex who has broken up with you.
That certainly doesn’t mean that some don’t come back after longer periods of no contact.
Generally speaking, however, after that amount of time, you don’t have much to lose.
You are usually stronger at this point and want to know if you should move on with your life or not.
You want closure concerning your ex.
So at this point, reaching out to your ex is your decision.
I could be idealistic and say that you should NEVER reach out first to an ex who broke up with you.
I must admit I tend to default to that when I coach clients, but after twenty years I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that I’ve seen couples get back together when the person in your shoes reaches out at/after this point in time.
I explain why that is the case in the video above but the basic point is that sometimes your ex could want you back but be afraid to reach out or have no idea what to say.
No one is perfect.
Yes, it should be your ex who reaches out to you because they broke up with you.
Again, it’s idealism versus realism.
I’m not saying that you reach out and beg, plead, or ask your ex to get back together.
Reaching out casually, however, to see how this person is doing and if things go great suggesting getting together for coffee to catch up isn’t a bad way to go.
I’ve seen it work.
And that is why I say that it is your choice to reach out or to simply move on as the final step.
I highly recommend my Emergency Breakup Kit to give you the best chance possible of getting your ex back. No matter what, I wish you the very best.