So you broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend and now you want them back?
It happens more often than people realize. Many people experience what is often called dumper’s regret, where the person who ended the relationship later realizes they made a mistake and wants their ex back.
We often think that the grass is greener on the other side until we actually get there.
For many, it’s a lesson only learned through experience.
Relationship strategist Coach Lee has helped thousands of people navigate breakups and reunite with their partners. While most people seeking advice have been dumped, dumper’s regret is also a common situation.
Here’s the deal:
Many times we don’t know what we have until we lose it by our own decision.
It is only in that situation that we realize we only have ourselves to blame.
The content on this website predominately helps the person who has been dumped.
So the techniques and principles taught for those situations are different than when the dumper wants to get back with the ex they dumped.
If you were the one who was dumped instead, you may want to read my article about how to get your ex back using the no contact rule.
I suggest opening that in a new tab and reading it after you’ve read this one all the way through.
However, enough people have contacted me for coaching who have been the one who dumped that I decided I needed to get a definitive post up for them.
What To Do If You Broke Up With Your Ex But Want Them Back
Many people assume that if they were the one who ended the relationship, they have lost the chance to get their ex back. In reality, reconciliation is often possible when the person who initiated the breakup takes responsibility and approaches the situation with humility.
If you broke up with your ex and now want them back, the key is to communicate clearly, apologize sincerely, and give them space to process their feelings.
Do this if you broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend but want them back:
1. Eat some humble pie.
I won’t lecture you, but you need to realize that tossing aside a relationship is not a positive action in most cases.
No one is perfect and feelings aren’t always the fireworks that they were in the beginning.
You have likely caused great emotional pain to someone.
I know we live in a day where it’s seen as uncool to question anyone on anything, but I don’t buy into that.
You messed up and in many ways, when the moment comes for you to ask this person to take you back, it ought to be done with humility, gentleness, and with your tail slightly between your legs.
Okay, I hate that part but it’s necessary. It’s over with and I’m on your side.
Let’s get your ex back!
2. Make contact with your ex.
You were the one who called things off so it’s your job to do the “coming back.”
That might seem obvious to you (good), but you’d be surprised how many people come to me for coaching to get their ex back after breaking up with them and expect the person they dumped to do all the work including the initial contact!
It doesn’t work that way and I worry that people who think that it does are venturing into the land of narcissistic tendencies.
You need to reach out and the way to do that is to send a simple text saying something like, “I want you to know that I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I wasn’t myself and I was wrong. When are you free to meet for coffee? I’d like to talk if you’re willing.”
Simple and humble without demands.
3. Apologize and ask them to take you back.
This is a case where being direct is the way to show the most strength and to make it easy for them to return to the relationship.
Don’t “give hints” or ramble.
Keep it simple and to the point.
When you do the things mentioned above, you will have the best shot of them coming back.
If they ask for time to think about it, be agreeable and patient.
After doing these things, you’ve put the ball back in their court and you need to let them come to you.
Don’t push if they aren’t moving as quickly as you want. This isn’t a race.
It might take them some time to reorient themselves and to warm back up to you after you hurt them.
If you try to force the situation, you will most likely push them away.
If you communicate directly that you want them back and then show maturity and consideration by giving them space and time, you’ll most likely draw them to you.
Can you get your ex back if you were the one who broke up?
Yes, it is often possible to get your ex back even if you initiated the breakup. The key is taking responsibility for the decision, apologizing sincerely, and approaching them with humility instead of pressure.
If you approach the situation with humility and patience, it is often possible to repair the relationship and rebuild what was lost.
Can you get your ex back if you broke up with them?
Yes. If you were the one who initiated the breakup, it is often possible to reconcile by taking responsibility, apologizing sincerely, and approaching your ex with humility rather than pressure.
Should you contact your ex if you broke up with them?
Yes. Because you initiated the breakup, it is usually your responsibility to reach out first if you want to repair the relationship. A simple apology and an invitation to talk is often the best approach.
Also see: “How To Cope If You Initiated The Breakup But Still Feel Sad?“
About Coach Lee
Coach Lee is a relationship strategist and breakup recovery expert who has helped thousands of people navigate breakups and reunite with their partners. His advice has been featured in outlets such as The New York Times and USA Today, and his YouTube channel has reached millions of viewers seeking guidance on relationships and reconciliation.
If you would like personalized help with your situation, you can learn more about Coach Lee’s coaching sessions. You can also explore his step-by-step program, the Emergency Breakup Kit, or watch additional relationship advice on Coach Lee’s YouTube channel.
