So you broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend but now you want them back? Though the vast majority of people who visit this site have been dumped themselves and are trying to get their ex back, “Dumper’s Regret” is far more common than most people realize.
We often think that the grass is greener on the other side until we actually get there. For many, it’s a lesson only learned through experience.
Many times we don’t know what we have until we lose it by our own decision. It is only in that situation that we realize we only have ourselves to blame.
The content on this website predominately helps the person who has been dumped, so the techniques and principles taught for those situations are different than when the dumper wants to get back with the ex they dumped.
However, enough people have contacted me for coaching who have been the one who dumped that I decided I needed to get a definitive post up for them.
If you broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend but want them back, do this:
1. Eat some humble pie. I won’t lecture you, but you need to realize that tossing aside a relationship is not a positive action in most cases. No one is perfect and feelings aren’t always the fireworks that they were in the beginning. You have likely caused great emotional pain to someone. I know we live in a day where it’s seen as uncool to question anyone on anything, but I don’t buy into that. You messed up and in many ways, when the moment comes for you to ask this person to take you back, it ought to be done with humility, gentleness, and with your tale slightly between your legs. Okay, I hate that part but it’s necessary. It’s over with and I’m on your side. Let’s get your ex back!
2. Make contact. You were the one who called things off so it’s your job to do the “coming back.” That might seem obvious to you (good), but you’d be surprised how many people come to me for coaching to get their ex back after breaking up with them and expect the person they dumped to do all the work including the initial contact! It doesn’t work that way and I worry that people who think that it does are venturing into the land of narcissistic tendencies. You need to reach out and the way to do that is to send a simple text saying something like, “I want you to know that I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I wasn’t myself and I was wrong. When are you free to meet for coffee? I’d like to talk if you’re willing.” Simple and humble without demands.
3. Apologize and ask them to take you back. This is a case where being direct is the way to show the most strength and to make it easy for them to return to the relationship. Don’t “give hints” or ramble. Keep it simple and to the point.
When you do the things mentioned above, you will have the best shot of them coming back. If they ask for time to think about it, be agreeable and patient.
After doing these things, you’ve put the ball back in their court and you need to let them come to you. Don’t push if they aren’t moving as quickly as you want. This isn’t a race. It might take them some time to reorient themselves and to warm back up to you after you hurt them. If you try to force the situation, you will most likely push them away. If you communicate directly that you want them back and then show maturity and consideration by giving them space and time, you’ll most likely draw them to you.
To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, schedule a coaching session with me.