Your ex has blocked you on their phone or on Facebook.
At least you think so. Here’s how you can know:
iPhone – The latest iPhones (in iOS 9 or later), will say ‘Delivered’ and remain blue (which means it’s still an iMessage) after you text your ex. But they will never receive your message. Older iPhones will show you if you’ve been blocked if you send an iMessage. The iMessage will attempt to send, but after a couple of minutes will resend as a text message that will never be received by your ex if they blocked you.
When calling from the blocked number, you hear one ring, but your ex’s phone remains silent. You will then hear a message that they are not available, and you will be sent to voicemail (assuming they have set up voicemail).
Droid – For Droid cell/mobile phones, if you are sent to voicemail after one ring, you have likely been blocked.
Facebook – You will not be able to view their profile, send a friend request, send a message, comment or see what they have commented anywhere on Facebook if they have blocked you.
You can also go to a profile of someone who was a mutual friend with your ex. Click the “See All” link at the top of that list. A search field appears at the top of the page, which you can use to type the person’s name.
If they don’t show up there either when you know for sure that they are Facebook friends with that person, then it’s probable that they have blocked you.
So What Do You Do If Your Ex Has Blocked You?
What do you do when your ex has blocked you?
Well, I’ll be the first to admit to you that it’s not good and it makes the road more difficult to getting your ex back if they have blocked you. But it doesn’t make things impossible.
Let’s get started:
It’s key here that you completely avoid anything that might resemble over-pursuit, also known to some as stalking.
If you do it anyway by using another phone number or another social account, you are not respecting their boundaries which will make them want to be even further away from you.
DO NOT show up to their home or place of work or you will receive a one-way ticket to Stalkerland, population lonely you. Your ex will see you as a source of drama and might even question your mental health.
The first step after being blocked is to respect that your ex has put up a boundary.
Do not reach out to them if you ever want a chance of getting them back! I’ll tell you some strategies on getting them back, but I’m sure you are asking, “why” this happened.
Why Did My Ex Block Me?
It’s common and normal to wonder why they blocked you.
If things were going well and your ex just blocked you for no apparent reason, you are a victim of being ghosted and it is a strange, frustrating feeling to say the least.
Here are a few possible reasons why your ex blocked you and after that I’ll make suggestions on what you can do to get them back.
- It hurts them too much. It’s painful for them to see your posts on Facebook. They think that you’ve moved on or that life won’t allow them to be with you and seeing your activity is just a reminder of that. If your ex blocked you on their phone, it could be that they think you will text or call them even if you aren’t interested in romance or if they think that life prevents a romantic future with you and so they would rather simply not hear from you.
- Your ex doesn’t want to hurt you. This is a classic ghosting move. Rather than have awkward conversations which are, unfortunately, part of a mature life sometimes, your ex just doesn’t want to have to deal with hurting you. So they take the easy, but immature, way out and prevent interaction.
- Revenge. Your ex wants revenge. If you cheated or if your did something else that deeply hurt them, your ex might be blocking you to try to hurt or irritate you. They might be trying to get back at you.
- Your ex doesn’t like you at all. This one hurts the most if you want your ex back. He/she doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to talk to you ever again. So they are shielding, blotting you out or erasing you from their life.
- They want space. Maybe the two of you had an argument where things got heated. I’m not justifying it because it’s an immature way of dealing with things and can also be called stonewalling or avoidance, but some people do this until they feel ready to interact again. This can mean that they see it as only temporary.
How To Know If My Ex Blocked Me Forever?
Knowing for sure if they blocked you forever is impossible, but you can get a pretty good idea.
In order to get an idea of if this block is temporary or forever/permanent we need to examine habits and actions of the past.
- Has your ex ever done this before?
- Was there a very negative interaction like an argument or hurt feelings due to insensitivity or cheating (real or imaginary)?
- If your ex is young, could a parent have told them to block you for some reason? If this is the case, be careful how you proceed! Parents won’t like you trying to go around their barrier. I’m not taking their side because I don’t know the specifics, but you definitely don’t want to become an enemy of your significant other’s parents (TRUST ME).
- Were you begging, pleading, and border-line harassing them after they broke up with you?
- Did they ask for space and you didn’t give it to them?
A block from your ex doesn’t have to be forever.
If you leave your ex alone completely – which is what they want if they blocked you – then you demonstrate to your ex that you aren’t a source of drama, negativity, awkwardness, etc.
In this way, you are passing your ex’s test. And they are testing you even if they don’t know it. They will look back on how you respond and you will have passed or failed.
By leaving them alone, not showing anger or drama, and not spying on them by asking their friends about them or driving by their house (remember Stalkerville? Creepville has the same population), you don’t create a hurdle to them getting back together with you.
What I mean is:
If they do start thinking that they miss you and might want to get back together with you but then remember that you freaked out on them when they broke up with you and/or blocked you, then they might think, “But if I get back together with them and it doesn’t work out again, I’ll have to put up with all of that drama and awkwardness again!”
So leaving them alone is key to having a chance of getting your ex back.
It might take a while. It could be weeks, months, or years, but that’s better than never. And it will be more likely to be never if you don’t leave them alone completely.
When an ex has blocked you, you must go into full-fledged use of the no contact rule which means that you don’t communicate with them in any way at all. No texts, messaging, or calling from another phone number or app. No writing a letter. No showing up at their home or work. Don’t even comment or like their Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or any other social media!
You must disappear. You must give them what they think they want or risk losing them forever. If you love them, that’s not something you want to risk.
You have two options if you want to get them back after being blocked:
After listing these two options I will go over some strategies to make the following options much more effective.
- Never reach out to your ex again at all. This means that your pursuit of this person has ended forever. If they choose to reach out to you, you will decide if you want to interact or take them back if that is what they want, but you will not initiate any contact whatsoever unless your ex reaches out to you.
- Give them time before reaching out. This is not the best option. When someone has blocked you, there is something fundamentally wrong. Either they don’t trust you to leave them alone or they don’t want to have to breakup with you in a mature way or something else. So if you ever reach out to them, you have made a move out of order. It is their place to reach out to you when they are ready. Coaching clients often ask me how they can know if their ex is ready for communication. My answer is always, “When they reach out to you!” Otherwise you are forcing interaction which can do one or more of the following: make you look pathetic, scare them, make them feel awkward, cause them to question your mental health, create a hurdle to them getting back with you because they’ll think that you’ll do this again if it doesn’t work out, and most certainly lower their level of attraction to you (how much more can you afford to lose? Zero.).
Yes, I know, it’s difficult. It hurts. And I’m very sorry.
But if you give them space, you give your ex the opportunity to miss you. You staying away is the only way that can happen! And there are strategies to use while being in no contact. I’m going to share those with you now:
They know that you know you have been blocked. So they don’t expect you to reach out.
They know that the burden is on them to reach out to you if they are interested in getting back together or talking. But you can present the most attractive picture of yourself to encourage them to reach out.
Here we go:
Strategies To Encourage Your Ex To Unblock You And Come Back
Social Media – They may have blocked you, but do NOT block them back.
It will look petty and immature plus it will take away an effective way of communicating with them WITHOUT looking like you are communicating with them.
This is important because you want a stealth way of influencing your ex.
Here’s how you do it:
- Post pictures of yourself with friends. Not romantically for the first two months or so. Just show that you have a life, are a fun person, and aren’t sitting around wallowing in sadness that they blocked you. Let them wonder how you are taking it so well. It must be something great inside of you that they now can’t have because they dumped and blocked you!
- Don’t post at all for days at a time. If you normally post a lot on social media, take a break. Make them wonder how fascinating your life must be since you don’t even have time or want to peel yourself away to post! Avoid having a pattern (be unpredictable).
- Post pictures of you traveling. You don’t have to go to the other side of the world, but maybe go visit family in another part of the country or go to the beach with some friends. Let your ex see that you are not always within their grasp. A little separation anxiety from your ex is a good thing.
Don’t overdo it.
You don’t want to look like all of this was done to send a message to them! And it shouldn’t be.
Improve Yourself – Do these things for yourself:
- Make new friends.
- Learn new skills (maybe start a business or learn an instrument)
- Get new hobbies (driving range, rock climbing, painting, acting, hang gliding, snorkeling, dancing, etc.)
- Surround yourself with people who love you – family and friends who would never block you. Soak up the love.
- Travel – it will help you become stronger so that whether your ex comes back or not, you will be able to handle it.
Not only will doing those things make you more attractive to your ex, but you will also be able to move on without them if necessary – at least short term.
I know that you want your ex back right now. I know that you want them to unblock you and text you a message saying that they love you and want to get back together.
This article should have helped give you some direction on making that a reality. To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, click here to schedule a coaching call with me.