What do you do when your ex breaks no contact and reaches out?
Do you ignore your ex?
If you should respond, what should you say?
Coach Lee explains and guides you through what to avoid and what to do when your ex reaches out during no contact.
It seems like exactly what you wanted to happen has happened in that your ex has reached out to you, but then it hits you that you aren’t sure how to respond and if there is anything that you should avoid saying or doing when talking to them.
This post and video go over some things that seem like the right thing to do but that could actually push your ex away again.
What To Do When Your Ex Reaches Out
If you didn’t want the breakup and are wanting to reunite with your ex, when they reach out, it seems like all your dreams have come true.
While it is likely good news and suggests the odds are better that you two could get back together, it usually doesn’t mean that you can’t mess it up.
While that isn’t the fun part, it is an important part.
Often times you need to know what you shouldn’t do in order to sharply focus on what you should do.
So here is what you shouldn’t do when your ex reaches out:
What You Shouldn’t Do
- You shouldn’t act like the two of you are getting back together.
Though your ex reaching out is progress and is usually a sign that they are at least considering getting back together with you, don’t act as though you think they are calling or texting to ask you to get back together.
That means that you don’t talk to them in anyway that suggests you are hoping that is what they are contacting you about.
- And you don’t hint or show disappointment when and if they don’t mention getting back together.
- Unless your ex brings it up first, you don’t tell him/her that you missed them.
If they do, you can say a polite but casual, “I’ve missed you, too,” but don’t go on about it.
In the video at the top of this post, Coach Lee explains and elaborates so that you understand and are prepared for such a situation.
Be sure to watch the video all the way through.
What You Should Do When They Contact You
Because I coach people to use the No Contact Rule when attempting to reunite with an ex, it is often assumed that a cold response goes along with that.
People often think they they should be stern with their ex and play hard to get if their ex reaches out or shows renewed interest.
That is simply not true.
When your ex is moving toward you and is being re-attracted to you, responding with anger, a cold shoulder, or by presenting hurdles is not a winning strategy.
One such response is to ignore your ex.
There are “relationship coaches” out there who have very little experience working with people, no certifications or training, and who haven’t been involved in any research who will say things because it looks good in a YouTube title or sounds good in a video.
Some of them suggest that if you want your ex back that you should ignore him or her when they reach out to you.
Whereas there are a few coaches who have qualifications who still suggest you ignore your ex, most who suggest it are woefully lacking in practical experience.
I have spent the last two decades observing cases of breakups and marital separations.
I’ve seen unmistakable patterns of what works to reunite with a lover who has left and what does not work and I can tell you that ignoring the other person why they are making an effort to get back together with you only decreases your odds and pushes them away.
You can read the article I link to above as to why but just know that if your ex doesn’t get a response from you at all, that a large percentage of the people who are ignored will simply not reach out again.
Because they figure that you will ignore them again.
They figure you are done and they might as well try to move on with life.
Even though they might be hurting and wanting you back, they believe that you will ignore them again and so they see no need in trying to reach out to you.
To put it bluntly, ignoring your ex if you want to get back together with him or her is stupid.
So you should respond.
How should you respond?
Politely and casually.
Be friendly but at the same time, if getting back together comes up, show some reservation.
Show or even say that you might be open to getting back together but aren’t sure and want to take things slowly.
Jumping right back in can cause a type of buyer’s remorse and be anticlimactic.
It can cause things to fade out and your ex to feel that they were right to have broken up with you to begin with.
I talk about more details like this in my Emergency Breakup Kit, including how to handle requests for meet ups, what to do when you see them face to face, whether or not you should suggest it, etc.
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