I understand that desire.
I get that desperation and I deeply wish I could give you specific words to text that would again spark what they felt for you.
Don’t worry, this isn’t a bait and switch article. I am going to give you some things that will probably help, but you might not like them right away.
I can tell you, however, that what I’m going to tell you gives you the best chance of getting an important message through to this person you love. And, though it’s not a text message, it’s the message that they really need to receive right now if you want to have the best chance of them coming back to you.
First, it depends on where everything is in terms of time and status. If you’ve just been broken up with in the last day or two, I’m going to address your situation first.
Ideally, right after he/she broke up with you, you would’ve responded by saying something like, “Okay, I’m sorry you feel that way. Take care of yourself.” And that is all you should have said. I’ll explain more below.
If they asked the cliche question, “Can we still be friends?” Then you would say something like. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I wish you the best, but I’m not interested in only being your friend. Give me a call if you change your mind.”
The reason is because no one really wants to stay friends after a breakup. That’s just what people say to try to ease the pain and because it sounds better than, “Goodbye forever.”
So what does this mean to you?
Even if you two do try to be friends instead of lovers, it makes it more difficult to get them to want to be back in a romantic, boyfriend/girlfriend exclusive relationship with you.
The reason, basically, is because they don’t have to experience the full consequences of the breakup, so they don’t get to feel what losing you as their lover really feels like. And it causes them to think of you as “only a friend.”
They will probably even tell people that you two are just friends which isn’t what you want that person hearing from their own lips about you. You’d much rather them say, “We broke up.”
The reason is because it makes them face their decision. They hear the words. They publicly go back to being completely single. You don’t like it and, often times, they realize they don’t like it either IF they get to experience it. If you’re around them, trying to “be their friend,” they don’t really get to experience it. (Also see, Should I Be Friends With My Ex To Try To Get Them Back?)
That’s a basic explanation that works for this article, but the link I provide at the end of this article will explain “the no contact rule” and how effective it is in more detail.
So the best approach is to politely reject the offer of friendship. It’s an illusion that will only hurt your chances of getting back together with this person.
And then, also like the first example, that is all you should say (or should have said). I’ll explain more about that below, but those are the texts that really get your ex back.
Here’s the deal:
I’m pretty sure that most of you said more than that. You probably begged. You probably used the word, “Please,” and asked “Why?”
You probably asked to meet in person if the breakup didn’t happen in person so that you two could “talk.”
There might have even been some angry texts sent between the two of you.
Maybe you went to your ex’s apartment, house, or where they worked thinking that a face-to-face conversation would fix things (Also see, Can You Talk Your Ex In Getting Back Together With You?).
Yet here you are, wondering why it didn’t fix anything (I could have told you it wouldn’t).
If your last message with your ex was in anger or begging, you should send this person the following text:
“Hi, I’ve thought about what you said and I was wrong to react the way I did. I’m sorry you feel the way you do but I wish you the best. If you change your mind, give me a call.”
Then, do not text them again. With all of these text messages, after you have sent the message, do not contact that person again until they contact you. There’s a very good reason for that and to know how effective it can be to use the “No contact rule” to get your ex back, you should read the following article next: “How To Use The No Contact Rule To Get Your Ex Back.”
To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, schedule a coaching session with me.