Should you take them up on their offer of settling for friendship in hopes of getting them back?
Be sure to watch the video above all the way through before reading the article below. It’s important that you are as educated as possible in terms of what’s going on if you want to get your ex back.
So watch the video above all the way through and then read the article below all the way to the end.
With over seventeen years in the relationship industry, working closely with researchers who have Ph.D’s in sexology and bio-medical science, I can say that if you want to be his girlfriend or her boyfriend again, you can’t “just be friends.”
Why Can’t You Be Friends With An Ex If You Want Them Back?
If you want to get your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back, you shouldn’t be friends with them because it gives them the easiest breakup experience possible.
They get to feel like they still have you in many ways.
The consequences of their decision to break up with you are greatly diminished from what they should be since you want your ex to miss you and want to get back together with you.
Here’s the deal:
If they break up with you, they need to feel and notice your absence and the disappearance of all the good things you brought to their life.
They need to experience separation anxiety and that can’t happen if you are still hanging around them and communicating with them as their friend.
If you truly want your ex back, the breakup has to be as real and difficult for them as possible.
Does Being Friends With An Ex Help Get Them Back?
Friendship is part of a great romantic relationship, but without romance, friendship by itself is something different.
You’ve likely heard of the so-called “friend zone,” and that if you find yourself in the friend zone, it’s extremely difficult to get the other person to see you as a romantic option.
We rarely, if ever, feel sexually attracted to our friends. In many ways, a friend doesn’t even seem to have sexuality. They are like a brother or sister.
Why does this matter?
Do you want your ex to see you as a sibling? Not if you want to have a chance of getting back together with them.
They can’t do that if you allow yourself to be seen as a gender-neutral, nonsexual, platonic friend. That would be suicide to your efforts at reconciliation.
The Difference Between Being A Friend And Being Friendly To Your Ex
While you should not agree to be friends with your ex, I’m not suggesting you be a cold, rude, unfriendly jerk either.
Why would anyone want to come back to that?
If you see your ex out somewhere or in class, you look stronger and more attractive by being friendly.
Smile, ask how they are. Tell them you are doing great.
Don’t give off the impression that you are struggling with the breakup.
Be polite and kind to everyone including your ex.
It certainly doesn’t mean that you sit with them or invite them to lunch (absolutely do not invite them to do anything with you right now).
In fact, after you ask about them how they are doing and tell them briefly how great you are doing, politely tell them that it was good to see them but you’ve got to run.
Keep it short and sweet.
What Do I Say If My Ex Asks If We Can Be Friends?
If/when your ex asks if you can just be friends, say something similar to, “Thank you but I don’t want to just be friends. If you change your mind and want to be together again, let me know. Take care of yourself.”
Then do not contact or reach out to them until they reach out to you.
See this article about why you should not contact your ex if you want to get them back: The No Contact Rule To Get Your Ex Back
If you have already agreed to be friends with your ex, text them and say something like:
“Hey, I’ve thought about it and I’m not interested in just being friends. I want to be your boy/girlfriend. If you change your mind, let me know. Take care of yourself.”
And then stop all contact with them.
If you want your ex to miss you and to come back to you, you can’t be his/her friend.
Turn the tables on them and reject their offer to be friends.
You are worth more than that so don’t take a lesser offer!
Why Does My Ex Want To Be Friends?
What interests me most as a relationship expert is the question of why your ex wants to be friends with you.
Much of the time when your ex asks you to stay friends it’s because it’s because they don’t know what else to say and asking you to stay their friend sounds easier than saying, “Well, I guess we will never speak again.”
So it’s often because they are trying to lessen the blow and make it a little easier on you, but they don’t really mean it.
However, your ex can ask you to be their friend because they still aren’t as sure about the breakup as they want to be.
In other words, they think they want the breakup and are convinced enough to do it, but they still have moments of doubt so they want to keep you fairly close just in case.
Your ex likely wants to keep you in striking distance because breakups aren’t comfortable and the idea of being without you isn’t pleasant to them.
If your ex asks you to be friends for that reason, you are in great shape for the no contact rule to really help you.
Many people who are dumped have an ex who thinks that being away from them will be freeing, but if your ex already thinks it will be difficult, take heart.
That’s a good position to be in.
This often happens when an ex has gone back and forth on a breakup decision before having the talk with you.
As you might have heard me say in one of my videos, most people have been thinking about, considering, and struggling with the idea of breaking up with someone for weeks, months, or even years before they do it.
So if your ex has struggled with their decision, they will try to find a way to keep you close in case they change their mind because they don’t like being without you.
So it can be a great thing if your ex wants friendship.
It’s something that you should smile about and take encouragement from if you are wanting to get back together with them.
However, it is still important that you politely reject friendship.
Don’t be cold or mean, but express your lack of interest in being friends and go straight into no contact.
Each situation and relationship is different and there are nuances to your specific breakup. To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting him back, Schedule A Coaching Call With Me!
Or I HIGHLY recommend my Emergency Breakup Kit.
It is a powerful resource to give you the best chance to get your ex back after a breakup.