In this post, Coach Lee answers the question, “Why did my ex dump me?” or “Why did my ex break up with me?”
After a breakup, one way that people seek to gain clarity and even to get their ex back is to try to determine why their boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with them.
But is why your ex left you really that important to getting them back?
Coach Lee explains in this video that the reason for a breakup can be fairly simple over all and that what we often think are the reasons are actually just band aids to the real problem which is loss of emotional attraction.
The Cause of Most Breakups
Most people don’t understand that the actual cause of most breakups is a combination of a loss of emotional attraction or love.
Some breakups are circumstantial but most of those situations would not result in the dumper wanting to break up if emotional attraction and love remained high.
I’m sorry to say that if attraction and love are high, your ex would have done whatever it took to overcome the situation in order to stay in the relationship with you. But that wasn’t the case or you would not be reading this.
Don’t worry, all is not lost.
I can help you get back the attraction and love your ex once felt for you. The first step is in you understanding that the weakening of those two things is what lost you your ex and that those two things can’t be talked back into your ex.
So many relationship issues that cause a breakup can be overcome by high levels of attraction.
When attraction falls or was never high to begin with, the details that aren’t perfect about the relationship feel more important.
In the video above, Coach Lee explains what this means to you in terms of getting your ex back and where you should be placing your focus if you really do want your ex to come back to you rather than merely analyzing the past and trying to determine a “reason” your ex dumped you.
Remember, the real cause of the breakup was a drop in emotional attraction.
Certain issues might have contributed to that, but even if you perfectly fix those issues and explain to you ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend how much you have changed, it doesn’t resurrect emotional attraction.
It’s a catch twenty-two in that your ex lost emotional attraction for you because of certain issues and so they broke up with you. But now, even if you fix those issues or promise to do so, you can’t get your ex back until emotional attraction comes back which doesn’t simply happen from the issues being fixed BECAUSE their attraction to you is low at that moment.
It’s sort of like this:
Let’s say that an average-looking stranger walks into the room who hasn’t bathed and smells very badly.
Your physical attraction for them is probably very low.
If that person walks over to you and says that she/he is leaving to bathe and that they would like a date with you, you’re probably not jumping at the opportunity.
Or, let’s say that someone who is extremely unattractive to your eyes enters the room and begins telling you about themselves.
In this conversation they tell you things that are what you are looking for in a romantic partner.
I certainly don’t mean to sound shallow, but physical attraction is important to some degree to us all if we are honest. There is a baseline.
Just because that person meets our preferences in other areas (like maybe they want marriage or kids or they like quiet evenings in) it doesn’t mean that we feel physically attracted to that person. For some of us, that’s a deal breaker.
The good news is that emotional attraction can come back.
The bad news is that is can take some time.
So to get your ex back, you must rebuild emotional attraction. I can help you do that.
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