The reason I’m posting this article is because so many of my coaching clients tell me that they block their ex after a breakup.
They will often then add that they blocked their ex on Facebook or WhatsApp or unfollowed them on Instagram, “for themselves,” adding that seeing their ex’s social feed would be something they couldn’t handle.
Some say that they blocked their ex’s phone number and/or deleted their ex from their phone after the breakup so that they wouldn’t be tempted.
While I, as an advocate for those who’ve been dumped, sympathize with the logic behind not wanting to see an ex’s feed on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp, and whatever other social media that might be in use (by the way, I’m on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter myself), I can tell you that strategically it’s not a good move.
If you want your ex back, you must consider them in your decisions and actions.
I certainly am not suggesting that you live your life only to influence or only to re-attract your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.
But if it is important to you to have the best shot at getting back together with your ex, you have to at least consider some of what you do from their point of view.
If You Block Your Ex During No Contact
Should you block your ex’s phone number or were to block them on WhatsApp or social media, consider things from their viewpoint.
Your ex boyfriend/ex girlfriend could think that you are:
- Playing games with them
- Struggling terribly with the breakup
- Trying to get them to miss you
- Hiding something
- Trying to make a statement to them or get at them
The reason you don’t want to come across to your ex as doing any of those things is because:
If you are bitter, you place a hurdle to your ex reaching out to you.
That is because they think you are bitter and that you might yell or be rude to them because you are angry and bitter toward them.
If your ex believes you’re playing games with them, then you seem weak and fake.
It can look cheesy and like you don’t believe in yourself or the relationship if you block your ex, plus no one wants to feel like they’re being played.
It can cause them not to trust you anymore.
Consider what this does to the odds of your ex reaching out.
If you block your ex and they believe that you are struggling terribly with the breakup, they might view you with pity, but they won’t feel that they are losing you or feel attracted to you.
The attention turns to you and how you are sad, depressed, angry, and struggling because you have lost your ex.
That’s the wrong place for the attention to be and will serve as a distraction from the fear of loss that you need your ex to feel.
Sure, your ex might feel sorry for you, but that’s not love and it’s not attractive.
Your ex’s attention needs to be on their realization that they miss you and are concerned that they’re losing you because he/she isn’t hearing from you.
Your ex needs to interpret your silence as evidence that you have the ability to move on with your life and that they don’t have the luxury of relying on you reaching out to them or chasing them.
If your ex believes you are hiding something, trust in you as a person takes a hit.
Your ex also is likely to wonder if you were hiding things or a person while the two of you were together.
Hiding your social media from your ex also smacks of you attempting to manipulate or get at your ex.
They will likely respond with an eye roll (either literally or figuratively).
People often ask me if blocking an ex makes them miss you.
In my experience, that is not how an ex responds at all in most cases.
If you do block your them, the message is that your ex is still very much living rent free in your head and that only stokes their feelings of control and themselves being attractive in the situation/breakup.
After all, if you have a great life and can move on with strength and dignity, why take the time and effort to block your ex or hide yourself on social media?
They are less likely to feel they are losing you or could lose you given the influence it seems they still have over you.
If blocking your ex comes across as you trying to make a statement to them, much of what I’ve already said applies and inhibits your potential of your ex wanting you back.
If you don’t want to see your ex’s feed on Facebook, just mute them.
How to mute your ex on Facebook:
- Visit a profile or page and click “Following” (on Facebook’s website) or tap “More” (in the Facebook app)
- Select “Unfollow”.
- You can also unfollow your ex in your news feed by clicking the three-dot menu on one of their posts and choosing “Hide post”, “Snooze for 30 days” or “Unfollow”.
How to mute your ex’s Instagram Stories
- To mute Instagram’s user-generated Stories, long-press your ex’s profile picture
- This brings up the option to mute them and all their Stories
You can also simply stop interacting with a user by not liking or commenting and the social service will stop showing you their content as much and sometimes even at all.
That’s exactly what you should do in terms of your ex.
As far as blocking, anything that suggests you are making an effort to sway your ex or influence them toward getting back together only detracts from the concern of losing you that you need for them to feel if you want him/her back.
The biggest statement you can make to your ex without any of the negatives I mention in this article is by giving them what they *think* they want which is the breakup.
The sooner your ex can feel the consequences of his/her action, the sooner they can actually realize that losing you is not something they want.
The desire to get back together cannot be one sided.
Your level of desire to reunite must be matched or exceeded by your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.
That is as much a fact as anything.
The only way to accomplish that is for motivation and emotional attraction to be restored and that requires him/her to have a renewed sense of appreciation for you and the relationship you two had.
Unfortunately, your ex must feel they are losing you to realize what they had and what they really want.
The good news for you is that your silence and absence are a lot more powerful than you know if you want your ex back.
It is your best shot and shows the most self respect as well.
Don’t block your ex.
I’ve seen a lot of broken relationships in the last two decades and I can tell you that by applying the no contact rule where you leave your ex alone, you have the best chance of getting him/her back.
Each situation and relationship is different and there are nuances to your specific breakup. If you want to get your ex back, I HIGHLY recommend my Emergency Breakup Kit. It is a powerful resource to help you get your ex back and based on my two decades in the relationship-recovery service!