Most clients ask, Can I get my ex back? Or should I just give up? It’s the question that kept them up the night before. If the answer is “yes,” it brings relief and joy to the person who has been broken up with. If the answer is “no,” it often brings depression and sorrow.
I want you to know that the answer is most often “yes” but knowing for sure either way is impossible because your ex is a human being and not a math problem.
Humans can be predictable in general but even that is at the mercy of many factors including mood, the influence of others, life events, communication skills, and other factors we can’t even factor.
Can you get your ex back?
There are some key factors that can help you know how likely it is that you can get them back. I am going to share those with you but first I want you to know that even if the situation doesn’t look promising, I have seen exes come back even when everything pointed to them staying away.
So while you should not put your life on hold waiting for an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend to come back to you, also know that there is hope as long as the two of you are alive.
With that being said, here are some points of consideration when you are asking yourself, “Can I get my ex back?”
How To Know If You Can Get Your Ex Back
1. Was your relationship stressful? When your ex looks back on your relationship, are there memories of stress, drama, and anxiety? Even though the two of you loved each other, if the relationship itself was stressful or the circumstances around it, your ex could be protecting themselves from it. Sometimes that’s the fault of one or both in the relationship and other times it’s due to the uncontrollable details of life such as other people, jobs, distance between the two of you, and other circumstances. You’re right, it’s not fair, but it is the reality of things.
2. Have you two broken up before? If this is a pattern, it could cause your ex to take a “last straw” mindset. That means that he/she could be thinking that an on-again, off-again relationship doesn’t have staying power. It can have a cheap, non-sacred feel to it. Basically your ex could be thinking that if you two should be together, you would stay together instead of continually parting ways. This is a clear reason that your ex can accept as why he/she shouldn’t come back.
3. Was there betrayal? Did you cheat on your ex? To many, this is enough to turn them away for good. They no longer trust you and don’t want to try again. A switch is flipped in the mind of your ex, in some cases, and reconciliation is extremely difficult but not impossible.
4. What have you done since the breakup happened? Have you pitched a fit (or lost control of your emotions in some other way)? Ignored their request for space? Shown up to confront them and try to force a conversation? Texted constantly? If so, you had best stop immediately or else you could push them away for good. Read my article, “The No Contact Rule“ for more information on this.
5. How long were you two together in this relationship? If you were only together for a couple of months or less, it could mean that you weren’t together long enough for your ex to have felt invested in the relationship enough to consider coming back. It could be that they think that if there are already problems in your relationship that it’s not worth continuing.
The longer you were with your ex, the more time they had to develop feelings of attachment and the more they see you as a part of their life. This would mean that they would feel separation anxiety without you as long as you allowed them to break up with you instead of pestering them by texting, calling, showing up and trying to force them to take you back. If they feel separation anxiety, they will miss you, and that is what has to happen for them to come back. Read my article, “How To Make Your Ex Miss You,” for more information on that.
What The Story On Getting Them Back?
The areas mentioned above should help you determine if you can get your ex back. In fact, I put together a quiz to help you know if you can get your ex back based on important indicators determined over the last 18 years that measure the likelihood of your ex wanting to come back.
Here’s the deal:
If certain negatives aren’t too numerous, the odds are good that you can get back together with the one you love. That doesn’t mean that just anything will work, it just means that you’re ex boyfriend or girlfriend could come back under the right circumstances.
My job is to help you get your ex back, plain and simple. If you have a lot of negatives, it might take longer and the odds are not as high, but most people would be amazed at how many times an ex sends a text message to someone who did a lot of the wrong things in a relationship. Often times, it just takes doing the right things after the breakup. That’s where I come in.
To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, schedule a coaching session with me today!