The no contact rule is something that I usually suggest you implement after you have been broken up with.
When you’re using the no contact rule you do not reach out to your ex in any way.
You also do not like, share, plus, or react to their social posts in any way.
While using the no contact rule it should be as though you don’t even exist. As though you have disappeared.
The reason for this is because, for starters, your ex is the one who said they wanted to break up.
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No contact is the consequence of a breakup. Your ex has said that they want you out of their life and so that is what you should do.
If your ex offers friendship, that is usually just something nice that people say to try to make the blow of the breakup softer for you and for them.
But even if your ex sincerely desires friendship, or thinks they do, you must decline their offer.
Friendship is a lower offer than the romantic relationship that you had with them and if it’s not what you want, you must decline it because it will be very difficult for you to get back into a romantic relationship with them from friendship.
The reason that the no contact rule is successful on both men and women in many cases to get an ex back after a breakup is because it prevents them from raising their defenses against you.
Since, while using the no contact rule, you’re not begging or pleading for them to take you back, they are not having to fight against getting back together with you.
Since they are not having to do this, they are not reinforcing their reasons in their own mind for breaking up with you day after day.
Instead, if you use no contact, they do not get much further away from you and are more likely to reconsider or at least be open to the idea of reconciliation.
By not fighting the breakup, you do not become an opponent of your ex.
And so the risk is less that your ex will only fight for the breakup because they want to get it over with.
In other words, your ex won’t be so focused on fighting for the breakup and for you to leave them alone that they forget what they were even fighting for.
If you are in no contact, they are able to see the true consequences of their actions and might decide that they don’t like being or want to be broken up.
No contact also allows your ex the opportunity to miss you.
The only way that your ex can miss you is if you’re not around them and not contacting them.
What’s more, no contact allows your ex to see that you are capable of staying away from them, being without them, and, ultimately, moving on.
Your ex believing that you are strong enough to move on and that they could lose you is crucial to them wanting to get back together with you.
It is when your ex loses the ability to expect you to reach out to them that they feel pressure to act to get you back or else they realize that they risk losing you forever.
Immediately following the breakup, your ex is relieved because they got such a difficult task over with.
The sooner that you go into no contact, the sooner their relief is over and the sooner the consequences of their actions set in.
The reason for this is because right after the breakup your ex assumes that they can get you back anytime they want you – if they were to want you again.
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This is because they were the one who did the breaking up.
They feel that since they wanted to break up and you wanted to save the relationship that they have all the power and that they are the prize you were unable to keep.
However, when you don’t chase them but rather utilize the no contact rule, they very soon begin to feel the opposite.
They begin to feel that you are the one who is out of reach and untouchable.
They began to feel that they have made a mistake by giving you up.
They become concerned that they might not be able to get you back.
This is the power of the no contact rule and what can ultimately attract your ex back to you.
The no contact rule works.
My Emergency Breakup Kit expands on this and provides more sophisticated strategies that work to get your ex back. After you access the kit, you’ll be surprised at how much someone can learn about getting an ex back after two decades in the relationship-recovery service.
Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!
-Coach Lee
