When You’re Scared Your Ex Won’t Reach Out

Breakups are difficult, and one of the most challenging aspects is the uncertainty of whether your ex will ever reach out again.

You’ve probably entered the no contact phase, and now you’re feeling that nagging fear—what if they never come back?

What if this silence lasts forever?

I’m here to talk you through those fears, offer insights from my experience in relationship coaching, and provide practical advice on how to navigate this tough time.

1. The Root of Your Fear: Believing You’re Not Enough

The first thing to address is the core belief that often drives the fear that your ex won’t reach out: the belief that you’re not enough.

This fear stems from a lack of confidence in your ability to reattach your ex and make them see your value.

But let’s take a step back and think about the relationship when things were going well.

There were probably times when you felt completely secure, like you and your ex were on the same wavelength, and everything was effortless.

This fear often amplifies after a breakup, especially if the breakup blindsided you.

It’s important to recognize that if your ex was happy in the relationship, and if it was a relationship that had a solid foundation and a decent amount of time under its belt, then you were enough—and you still are.

A breakup is often the result of someone taking the other person for granted, not because the other person isn’t good enough.

When you go into no contact, your absence can actually increase your value in your ex’s eyes.

Your ex starts to realize what they’ve lost, and that’s where your leverage lies.

Remind yourself that you are enough.

Even if you don’t believe it right now, know that I’ve seen many cases where people doubted themselves, only to be surprised when their ex did reach out, expressing regret and a desire to get back together.

You might not see it now, but your absence can have a powerful impact.

2. Anxiety and Impatience: The Waiting Game

One of the biggest challenges during no contact is the anxiety that comes with waiting.

Anxiety makes us impatient, and the uncertainty of not knowing if your ex will reach out can feel unbearable.

Many people I coach express how difficult it is to wait, and that anxiety can make even a few days feel like an eternity.

It’s important to understand that this impatience is driven by anxiety.

You want the problem solved now, and the waiting feels like the hardest part.

But let’s put this into perspective: If I could guarantee that your ex would reach out in three months, how would you feel?

Most people would feel relieved, and the waiting wouldn’t seem so bad.

While I can’t guarantee that, this perspective can help you see that it’s the anxiety, not the actual passage of time, that’s making this so difficult.

In the grand scheme of things, a few months isn’t that long.

Yes, it feels like forever right now because of the pain, the betrayal, and the sense of abandonment.

But this time is crucial for both you and your ex.

It’s a period of growth, reflection, and reevaluation.

So, when you feel overwhelmed by anxiety, remind yourself that time is on your side, and that patience is key.

3. Remembering Past Breakups: You’ve Overcome Before

Another reason you might be scared your ex won’t reach out is that you’ve forgotten your past pain from breakups.

Most people have gone through breakups before, and at the time, it probably felt like you’d never recover.

But here you are, having moved on from those past relationships and ready to love again.

It’s easy to forget that you’ve been here before.

The pain might feel different this time, or you might believe that this person is more special than anyone else you’ve ever dated.

But remember, you’ve been through heartbreak before, and you’ve come out stronger.

This should give you confidence that, no matter what happens, you will be okay.

In my coaching sessions, I’ve spoken to people years after a breakup, and they often say, “This person was different; they were special.”

Yet, when we look back, they said the same thing about someone else in the past.

It’s common to feel this way, but it’s also important to keep things in perspective.

Yes, you want your ex back, but even if they don’t come back, remind yourself that you’ve survived this kind of pain before, and you can do it again.

4. The Illusion of Control: Embracing No Contact

One of the most difficult aspects of no contact is that it feels like you’re letting go, like you’re relinquishing control over the situation.

You might feel like you’re letting your ex slip away, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

But here’s the thing—most things in life are beyond our control.

Control is often an illusion.

Think about your daily life and how much you take for granted—your car’s brakes working, the absence of natural disasters, political stability.

These are all things you don’t control, yet you trust they will be okay.

No contact is similar in that it’s a decision you make to regain control in a situation where you feel powerless.

No contact is about taking back your power.

You are choosing not to contact your ex, and in doing so, you’re making a statement.

You’re betting on yourself, on the belief that your absence will have an impact.

If it doesn’t, then the relationship probably wouldn’t have worked anyway.

But if it does, and they start missing you, then you’ve created the space for them to realize what they’ve lost.

This strategy often works because it shifts the dynamics of the relationship.

When you were in the relationship, your ex had your presence, and they still left.

Now, by removing your presence, you’re making them feel the void.

This absence can lead to concern and regret, which is exactly what you want.

5. Shock and Doubt: Managing the Aftermath of a Breakup

The final point to consider is that shock causes doubt.

When you didn’t see the breakup coming, it shakes your sense of reality.

You start to doubt everything, wondering what else could go wrong, what else you’re not seeing.

This doubt is natural, but it’s also something you need to manage.

The shock of the breakup can make you feel like the situation is hopeless, that your ex will never come back.

But it’s important to remember that no contact works more often than you might think.

While nothing is guaranteed, it gives you the best chance of success.

The key is to stay patient, manage your anxiety, and trust that you’re doing all you can.

Think back to the relationship—did your ex miss you when they didn’t hear from you for a while?

Did they reach out just to check in?

If so, there’s a good chance they’ll miss you during no contact too.

And if they don’t, then it’s better to know now than later, when you’re even more emotionally invested.

No contact is about giving yourself the best possible chance of getting your ex back, but it’s also about protecting yourself.

It’s about showing that you’re strong enough to walk away, that you’re not going to chase someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

This strength is attractive, and it’s often what brings exes back.

Final Thoughts

Being scared that your ex won’t reach out is a natural part of the no contact process.

It’s driven by fear, anxiety, and doubt—all of which are heightened in the aftermath of a breakup.

But by understanding where these feelings come from, you can better manage them and stay strong during this difficult time.

Remember, you are enough.

Your absence can make your ex realize what they’ve lost, and no contact gives you the best chance of reattaching them.

But even if they don’t come back, you will be okay.

You’ve survived breakups before, and you’ll survive this one too.

So take control, be patient, and trust the process.

It might not be easy, but it’s worth it.

And who knows?

This might be the start of something even better than what you had before.

Get my Emergency Breakup Kit to get your ex back!

Sincerely,

Coach Lee