No Contact When You Work Together With Your Ex And Want Them Back

Using no contact to get an ex back when you work together with them is a topic that can be particularly tricky.

But I don’t have to tell you!

If you’re dealing with the aftermath of a breakup but still have to see your ex every day at work, this article is for you.

We’ll explore some strategies you need to employ to navigate this delicate situation, all while maintaining professionalism and composure (which are both very important).

Understanding the Challenge

Working with an ex can be challenging, to say the least.

Using no contact when you work with your ex to get them back after they broke up with you is, perhaps, even more challenging.

You’re not only dealing with your own emotions but also trying to maintain a professional demeanor in a shared environment.

One key is to strike a balance between giving your ex space and maintaining necessary communication for work-related matters.

This holds some commonalities with a situation where you use no contact when you share kids together.

The Importance of Strategic Contact

As many of you know from my other videos, I’m a strong advocate of the No Contact Rule.

This strategy helps you respect your ex’s decision and allows them to experience life without you, which is crucial for them to miss you and reconsider the breakup.

However, applying the No Contact Rule isn’t practical when you work with your ex.

Instead, you need to adopt what I call “Strategic Contact.”

Strategic Contact means maintaining necessary and professional interactions without getting into personal or relationship-related topics.

This approach helps you preserve your dignity and avoid unnecessary drama, while still creating a sense of mystery and space that can work in your favor.

Handling Daily Interactions When You Work With Your Ex

1. Professional and Polite: Always be professional and polite. Greet your ex with a friendly smile and a simple “hello” when you see them. Keep your interactions brief and to the point, focusing only on work-related topics. This shows that you’re composed and can handle the situation maturely.
2. Avoid Relationship Talk: Do not bring up the relationship, your feelings, or your desire to get back together. Avoid questions like, “How are you feeling about us?” or “Do you think there’s a chance we’ll get back together?” These questions will make you appear desperate and weaken your position.
3. Be Casual and Confident: When you interact with your ex, maintain a casual and confident demeanor. Show them that you’re strong enough to handle seeing them without it affecting your professionalism or work performance.
4. Mirror Their Behavior: If your ex initiates a conversation, mirror their behavior. If they are friendly and talkative, respond in kind but keep it professional and try to be just a small amount less talkative than your ex. If they are more reserved, respect that and keep the interaction brief.

Navigating Meetings and Projects When You Work With Your Ex

When you have to work on projects or attend meetings together, it’s essential to remain professional and focused. Here are some tips:

1. Focus on the Task: Keep your attention on the task at hand. Engage with your ex as you would any other colleague, discussing only what’s necessary to complete the project or agenda.
2. Avoid One-on-One Situations: Whenever possible, avoid situations where you and your ex are alone together. This minimizes the chances of personal conversations creeping in. If they initiate a one-on-one situation however, that’s fine. Don’t break up such an interaction at work.
3. Stay Composed: In meetings, stay composed and contribute to the discussion professionally. If your ex tries to provoke or unsettle you, remain calm and do not react emotionally.

Social Interactions at Work With Your Ex

Workplaces often have social events, lunches, and casual gatherings.

Here’s how to handle these:

1. Participate, Don’t Isolate: Continue to participate in social events. Isolating yourself will make you appear weak and affected by the breakup. Show that you can enjoy your time with colleagues and maintain a positive demeanor.
2. Group Settings: When socializing, stick to group settings where you can interact with others and avoid being alone with your ex. This reduces the risk of personal conversations. Genuinely interact with other work colleagues and friends with focus and charm.
3. Positive Attitude: Maintain a positive attitude and enjoy your interactions with other colleagues. This will make you more attractive and show your ex that you’re moving forward confidently.

Dealing with Emotions

It’s natural to have strong emotions after a breakup, especially when you see your ex daily.

Here’s how to manage them:

1. Don’t Show Hurt: It’s tempting to show your ex that you’re hurt, hoping they’ll feel sorry for you and reconsider. However, this often backfires. Instead, show strength by keeping your emotions in check at work. I write a lot about how pity is not the same as attraction (in my article, “Does No Contact Really Work” for example) but out of desperation and not knowing what to do, people often attempt to use it get their ex back. Not only will it not work, but it will actually lower your attraction. While it’s possible to be attracted to someone who we feel sorry for, the fact that we feel sorry for them is a completely separate matter. Trying to use pity to regain attraction from your ex is like trying to use a wet blanket to start a fire. You know how that would go. I understand that you hurt and I feel sorry for you (that’s why I’m writing this) but showing that pain is not useful to getting an ex back. I’m not suggesting you overdo the optimism and joy either. Stick to how you normally approach life and don’t veer either way.
2. Find Outlets: Find healthy outlets for your emotions outside of work. Talk to friends, exercise, or engage in hobbies that help you process your feelings.
3. Stay Focused: Keep your focus on your work and career goals. This not only helps you stay productive but also shows your ex that you’re capable and strong.

The Role of Mystery

One of the key elements of the No Contact Rule is creating a sense of mystery.

This principle still applies when you work with your ex and want to get them back:

1. Limit Personal Information: Avoid sharing personal information with your ex. If they ask about your life outside of work, keep your answers brief and positive but not detailed.
2. Social Media Boundaries: Be mindful of your social media presence. Avoid posting about your breakup or showing too much of your personal life. This maintains an air of mystery and keeps your ex wondering what you’re up to. I’m going to speak more about this below in talking about how to show your ex that you’ve changed.
3. New Interests: Engage in new activities or interests that you don’t share with your ex. This not only enriches your life but also adds to the sense of mystery about what’s going on with you.

Building Attraction By No Contact At Work With Your Ex

While maintaining professionalism and distance is crucial, you also want to subtly rebuild attraction:

1. Look Your Best: Make an effort to look your best at work. Dress well, maintain good hygiene, and carry yourself with confidence. Smile.
2. Positive Energy: Radiate positive energy (but don’t be fake). People are turned off by people who are fake but are naturally drawn to those who are genuinely happy and confident. Show that you’re enjoying life and thriving, even after the breakup.
3. Be Unpredictable: Occasionally, be a bit unpredictable. Change up your routine slightly, show new sides of yourself, and keep your ex guessing.

Handling Setbacks

There will be moments when you feel the urge to break the Strategic Contact Rule.

Here’s how to stay strong:

1. Remind Yourself of the Goal: Remember your ultimate goal is to create space for your ex to miss you and reconsider the breakup. Breaking the rules will only set you back.
2. Support System: Lean on your support system. Friends and family can provide the encouragement you need to stay on track.
3. Focus on the Long Term: Keep the long-term perspective in mind. Short-term discomfort is worth enduring for the potential of a long-term reconciliation.
4. Take It One Day At A Time: Repeat after me, “I don’t have to get my ex back together in order to get them back.” Say it again. Say it tomorrow and the next day.

If Your Ex Reaches Out

If your ex initiates contact outside of work-related matters, handle it carefully:

1. Stay Calm: Keep your composure. Don’t immediately jump into relationship talk. Let them lead the conversation.
2. Be a Good Listener: Listen more than you speak. Let your ex express their thoughts and feelings without interruption.
3. Mirror Their Intensity: Match the intensity of their communication. If they’re casual, be casual. If they’re more serious, you can be too, but don’t overdo it.
4. Don’t Carry The Conversation: I talk to people on coaching calls with me and I warn them of this but this is the number one mistake people make even AFTER I have warned them. Why? Because it feels so good and it FEELS like this is your big chance or your “only” chance. So even though I have warned people who work with their ex and hear from them that they shouldn’t carry and extend the conversation, often times they book another private session with me to lament that they extended the conversation to the point that they could tell their ex became bored. And they haven’t heard from them since! Don’t let that happen to you if you work with your ex and want to get back together with them.

How To Show Your Ex You Have Changed If You Work With Them

This might be the most tricky and challenging objective of them all when you work with your ex and want to use some form of no contact to get back together with them.

Demonstrate Change Gradually

Changes in your behavior and attitude should be gradual and consistent.

Avoid overwhelming your ex with all the changes at once.

Let them see these changes over time, which will help build trust and show that your changes are genuine and lasting.

Right after the breakup, your ex is not likely to care about any changes you claim to have made.

They need time to see that these changes are genuine and not just a ploy to win them back.

Patience is key.

In a professional setting with your ex, remember that consistent, long-term changes are more impactful than sudden, dramatic ones.

Demonstrate Specific Changes

If there were specific issues in your relationship that led to the breakup, demonstrate that you have addressed these issues through your behavior.

For example, if your ex felt you were not communicative enough, make an effort to communicate clearly and effectively in work-related matters.

If they thought you were not dependable, show reliability by meeting deadlines and being punctual.

These specific changes will be noticed over time and can help shift their perception of you.

Demostrate By Allowing Indirect Observation

If you want to do no contact but work with your ex, show your changes indirectly rather than in direct interactions with your ex.

What I mean is that you show your changes subtly in interactions with other people you work with whether or not your ex can observe.

The odds are they will notice even if you don’t think they are and that news will get back to them of how you handled certain situations.

I’m not saying that you don’t show that you have changed where you needed to when you are in direct contat with your ex.

In that situation, you need to be careful and subtle so that you don’t come across as asking, “Am I good enough for you now that I have changed?”

That isn’t attractive and will seem disingenuous (which is not attractive).

Conclusion: No Contact With Colleague Ex

Using no contact when you work with your ex is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s not impossible.

You and I can talk about more specific situations along with more advanced techniques in a private session.

By employing Strategic Contact when you work with your ex, maintaining professionalism, and focusing on your own growth and happiness, you can create an environment where your ex can start to miss you and reconsider their decision.

Remember, the goal is to show strength, resilience, and the ability to move forward with grace and dignity.

Stay strong, stay focused, and remember that your value is not defined by your relationship status.

You have the power to create the life and relationships you desire.

Thank you for reading, and as always, stay tuned for more advice and guidance on relationships, breakups, and personal growth.

This has been Coach Lee, and I appreciate you taking the time to read this.

Get my Emergency Breakup Kit to get your ex back!

Sincerely,

Coach Lee