It’s strange how someone can walk away from you and still assume you’ll be standing there when (or if) they decide to come back.
After a breakup, many exes expect you to stay emotionally available, like a backup plan just waiting to be reactivated.
They believe time is on their side, and that no matter what they do, you’ll always be an option.
But the moment you stop participating in their life things can definitely change.
As the days pass they realize that they don’t have all the answers anymore.
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They can’t rely on your reactions, your attention, or your presence any longer.
It’s like reading the first few chapters of a novel where the questions haven’t been answered yet (that’s how they keep you reading).
Your silence is a mystery that almost certainly will be compelling in the mind of your ex.
And it can make them think in ways they weren’t prepared to.
1. Your Absence Creates Questions
When you go silent and pull back, your ex no longer has access to your emotional responses.
That’s powerful.
If you are doing what I often suggest, you’ve stopped liking their posts, watching their stories, or texting them “just to check in.”
Your disappearance is what makes them start to wonder, even if they try to hide it.
They may not notice right away—but later? They might sense that something’s changed in you.
A stronger version of you. And when that moment comes, it hits differently.
Remember, most people who end a relationship go through a brief stage of relief.
It’s not always about joy from being free of you.
It’s usually more that they’re glad to be done with the difficult and awkward task of breaking up with you.
Even things we dread doing can feel good once they’re behind us.
That’s why the dumper might seem happier right after the breakup.
But it doesn’t last.
Because you were part of their life.
You mattered.
You were there every day, a familiar part of their emotional routine.
That is history and emotional intimacy.
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And now, you’re not.
The contrast of your silence starts to tug at them.
They’re left with questions only you could answer… but you’re not answering.
2. They Stay Patient… Until You’re Gone
As long as you seem emotionally available, they don’t have to act.
They can take their time and think, “If I change my mind, they’ll still be there.”
But when you go silent?
When you’re no longer easy to read or reach?
Their patience starts to fade.
They may stall or delay but uncertainty can push someone off the fence faster than any plea ever could.
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And here’s the part that surprises people: they’ll start imagining the worst.
Just like you might assume they’re out dating, being admired, or living their best life when you don’t hear from them.
They’ll start imagining that about you too.
That’s human nature. Silence is a canvas for assumptions. Use that!
3. Their Ego Needs You to Stay
If you keep reaching out, showing sorrow on social media, or telling mutual friends how much you want them back, you just feed their ego.
You’re only confirming their belief that they’re above you, that they hold the power, and that you’ll always be there.
Get your ex back with Coach Lee’s Emergency Breakup Kit!
And when someone feels that way, they believe they deserve “better.”
That you’re not quite at their level.
That they have other, shinier options.
It’s an illusion and often, a temporary one.
But it’s one you help create IF you beg, plead, or even just stay too emotionally open.
You don’t want to send your ex the message: “You dumped me, walked away, and I’m still here waiting for you to do it again.”
Instead, send the opposite message: “You walked away. I didn’t chase. And I might be moving on.”
That’s when they feel the shift.
That’s when they realize they may have made a mistake.
4. If They Reach Out—Don’t Jump
Let’s say they finally reach out.
It might feel like everything you’ve wanted is happening.
But that’s the moment to slow down and not leap.
If you make it too easy, it can fizzle. Fast.
I’ve seen it countless times.
Why? Because when they think they can come back whenever they want and that you’ll just pick up where you left off.
They don’t value the relationship the same way.
But if they sense hesitation? If you say, “I’m not sure what I want,” they have to work for it.
And people value what they work for.
This doesn’t mean you play games.
It means that you protect your heart and let them prove that they’re serious.
A good way to respond is, “Let’s take it one day at a time. I’ll see how I feel.”
That’s honest. And it leaves space for them to show you they’ve changed too.
5. You’re Not Who You Were
One of the most attractive things you can do after a breakup is to grow.
Not the kind where you say, “Look! I changed!” three days after the breakup.
Real growth takes time, effort, and honesty.
Maybe you were too accommodating in the relationship.
Maybe you put them on a pedestal or allowed double standards.
If they come back and everything’s exactly as it was, you’re likely to lose them again.
But if they see a stronger, more confident version of you?
That’s a whole different story.
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They may even ask themselves, “Do I still deserve this person?”
And that’s exactly where you want them.
I’m not suggesting you want that out of arrogance or revenge, but because it shifts the dynamic in a healthy and attractive way.
You’ve improved. You’re grounded. You’re no longer chasing someone who left.
That speaks volumes.
If you’ve been through a breakup and you’re feeling lost, you don’t have to stay stuck. My Reunion Blueprint can guide you! It’s a $7 video course available at ReunionBlueprint.com.
You can also book a session with me or one of my coaches.
Because sometimes the best thing you can do after a breakup is… nothing.
Not out of bitterness.
But because silence often says more than words ever could.
—Coach Lee
