I’m going to talk to you about crazy things that are in your ex’s head.
And this is assuming that they broke up with you.
So if they broke up with you, these are some crazy things that are in their mind and actually the basis for why they broke up with you in the first place and why they think they can keep this up.
1. They are more attractive than you.
This is what they assume. This is what they feel or else they would want to be with you and would never have left.
When we see another person as “beneath us,” the temptation can be to be open to other people.
And that’s unfortunate, but that’s another reason why we need to work on ourselves, not just for ourselves, but so that this kind of thing doesn’t happen.
Your ex assumes that they are more attractive than you and that you are beneath them.
As a matter of fact, breaking up with you is literally putting you beneath them because you want to be with them but they are walking away from you. It’s puts you in the position of “wishing for them,” and them in the position of denying you the treasure that you want!
They’re saying “No, I choose that we don’t be together anymore. I choose that. We break up. I put you under my level on the totem pole of attraction.”
And that’s the sad fact of it.
So just like with these other things that I’m going to mention, you staying away from them, you using the psychology of the no contact rule by not chasing them, but instead, giving them the breakup.
That’s going to push back against these things. It’s going to reveal cracks in their armor.
It’s going to question their entire basis for this breakup!
Number two is connected to the first one.
2. They think they can do better.
I hate to say it. I don’t like hearing it out of my mouth, but they think they can do better than you because unless they are committed now to a life of celibacy, which they are not, then they think they can find someone else who looks better, is emotionally more attractive, is in a better situation, communicates better, speaks better – you name it!
It could be all, it could be a few, but it’s enough to where they think they can do “better.”
So what happens when you don’t chase them?
What happens when you appear as though you’re not interested in them anymore and you are moving a different direction?
, it’s you not acting like they can do better because if they could do better and that would mean that you weren’t good enough, then you would basically be obsessed with them and trying to get them back for the rest of your life.
That’s an assumption that they make, because why wouldn’t you? They are “better” than you. They are above you. They can “do better than you.”
Wouldn’t you just constantly pine after them and try if that were true? That’s an assumption they make without consciously evening thinking the exact words.
And by doing the things that I tell you to do, you actually push back against that view in their mind and you show them otherwise.
And I do have a bonus at the end of this post/video. So stay through all five and there will be a bonus.
Number three is similar, but it’s reflective on their view of you. And that is that there is better out there.
3. There is “better” out there
So, for example, if you two were on a deserted island together, maybe there’s not better out there.
Maybe they could do better if there were other people and that’s not good for them to think.
And sometimes that can be because they think they have actually met this person.
And the question is often, “Wll this still work Coach Lee?”
If there’s someone else, if anything will work, this will. And the same things apply as far as if they reach out to you, you don’t ignore them, but you limit interaction.
And so, whereas you’re in no contact, which means you are not initiating contact with your ex, but if they reach out to you and you do want to get back together with them eventually, even though there was someone else, just consider that that could be a deal breaker.
Just entertain the idea that they have gone too far and that you will not allow yourself to be with them again, if you can consider that idea. It’s good that you don’t ignore your ex, but that you should keep it very casual and that you don’t have to always respond to everything, but that isn’t the same as ignoring them.
So for example, if they reach out and say “how you’re doing”How are you doing?” and you say, “I’m doing well, how are you?”
And then they say a few other things, you don’t necessarily have to just keep responding. You can just kind of disappear and that’s not a bad thing, but they at least know that when they reach out, there’s a good chance you’ll respond and that they can get to you if they want to talk.
And as I say, in other videos, I’m certainly not suggesting that when they reach out that you say, “I have missed you so much.” And then you just make a big deal about it. No way!
Keep it light and casual as though you are busy, but you’re being polite and you’re just responding casually. Like you would to anybody who reaches out to you who you don’t hate and loath.
And if you do hate and loathe them, then ignore them by all means. Because why in the world would you want to get back together with someone who you hate and you loathe?
This, perhaps, is a message that can kind of get through that you should move on and not even be thinking about them anymore, as best you can.
It will take time to get there, but just consider it. It will actually, interestingly enough, oftentimes help to get them back and then you can decide if you actually want them back.
And so you need to decide if that’s what you really want.
4. Your ex sees you as insurance.
And what I mean by that is, is that whether or not they consciously think these words, it’s unlikely that they do, but they feel like that they have Liberty to just go out, see what they see out there, see who’s out there, do whatever they want with them, and see if they like it better.
And if it doesn’t work out, they assume that you will be there just waiting for them.
And why do they think this? As I’ve already told you, it’s because they see themselves as more attractive than you. They think that they can do better and they think there’s better out there. And so they assume that someone in your situation would feel lucky to get another chance with them.
So they just figure, if this doesn’t work out or if they don’t like the breakup, they can always go back to you.
You’ll just be waiting for them. And obviously you don’t want them to feel that way and it’s important that you show them otherwise.
So by doing the things that I suggest that you do like the no contact rule, leaving them alone, giving them the breakup, not talking to their friends, not showing that you’re hurt – by these things, you actually push back against their perception of reality and show them otherwise.
And it’s important if you do want them back that you behave so that your ex learns from this and can see what they really want. They can only see that that is you when they actually experience the breakup. And that means that you disappear!
Before I get to number five, get some information on my Emergency Breakup Kit. It’s a powerful guide to help you get your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back.
Don’t forget about that bonus too in the video above.
5. You will chase them.
This is not always something that they consciously think about.
But if they feel like since they’ve broken up with you, you’ve given them nothing but an ego stroke, that makes them feel sexier, makes them feel more desired, that they are above someone and that someone is you. And so they assume you will continue to do this for them by chasing them.
And a lot of people who I speak to who’ve done the dumping will tell me or tell one of the coaches on my staff (Coach Ken and Coach Rex) how shocked and surprised they were when their ex didn’t chase.
They even say these exact words! “Why didn’t they chase me? Why didn’t they fight for me?”
it’s mind blowing to them because they assume all these things that I’ve told you and so they assume that you will act.
If you do chase and fight for them, it shows that they’re right about you and right about the situation and right about themselves being the most attractive one of the two of you and that you are the one trying to get with them (you know, because they are so dang sexy).
And when you don’t act that way, it rocks their world! They might start posting pictures of themselves on social media to get those likes and the validation that contributes to their form of narcissism and vanity.
It makes them reconsider things and it can lower their own attractiveness in their eyes, but it also can raise your attraction because you’re showing strength and are going in a direction that is away from them.
You’re also showing that you can stay away, which usually suggests you have options and that other people want to be with you.
And as shallow as it might sound, it’s a powerful thing for your ex to see.
So maybe they were wrong about you. It helps them to look back at the situation to consider what they really want.
It can cause them to think about the breakup and to think about you.
When we’re around someone a lot, they can begin to get on our nerves some so to speak, because we have more experiences with them that are negative simply because we have more time with them. And so we can begin to let little things impact us negatively and it can lower attraction.
That’s why it’s so important to keep the spark alive in relationships. But that’s another topic for another time.
And now for the bonus.
The bonus is that your ex thinks that you won’t move on.
Why do they think this?
The reason they think this is because of the things I’ve mentioned before. They assume that they’re more attractive than you and so you couldn’t possibly “move on.”
After all, why would you move on? Where could you even go? It’s not like you can replace them (again…because they are so danged sexy)! That’s likely what they think even if they say otherwise or can’t put it into words.
And since you’re “less attractive” than them, it means you have “fewer options.”
So it would be more difficult for you to move on causing them to assume that you can’t possibly be anything but an insurance policy for them if they were to discover that they don’t want the breakup.
They assume that not only can you not move on, but if by some unlikely occurance, you were with someone else, that person is less attractive than them because they’re with you.
And so they could still easily get you back if they wanted you, because who wouldn’t wanna be with someone more attractive (like them). So the more you can push back against that by showing them that you’re not chasing them (by staying away amd giving them the breakup).
If you do that, it won’t make sense to them based on all the things I have mentioned that they assume about themselves and about you.
And so they begin to wonder if they are wrong.
It’s how you can get them to reconsider, to look at this differently, to actually realize that they don’t want the breakup and that they don’t want to be without you.
No one’s perfect. So while it’s not good that they’re thinking these things because it’s shallow and immature and love should be different, remember that people make mistakes and can often times learn from those mistakes or character flaws.
People go through times where they are immature and selfish, and if they can actually learn from this and see you differently going forward, it can actually be terrific. I do see people reunite even though their exes felt these things and demonstrated them.
Yet they were able to be happy together because this person learned. So in the future, it didn’t happen again and they were happy together.
So it can happen.
My Emergency Breakup Kit expands on this and provides more sophisticated strategies that work to get your ex back.
After you access the kit, you’ll be surprised at how much someone can learn about getting an ex back after two decades in the relationship-recovery service.