Be sure to watch my very important video above all the way through and then read the article below, “What is my ex thinking during no contact,” to the end.
A lot of people want to know what their ex is thinking during the no contact period (a period of time where the person who has been broken up with does not contact the ex in any way whatsoever). For more information, read The No Contact Rule.
In wondering about the mind of their ex during no contact, they will ask if no contact makes their ex miss them or want to get back together, if the no contact rule works on men, women, etc.
If you want to know what is he thinking during no contact (or she), this article will explain the concept for both the male and female mind during no contact.
Let’s get started:
Many people who call me for coaching to get their ex back feel that when their ex broke up with them that a switch was flicked in their ex’s mind so that now their ex is cold and no longer feels anything for them.
Unless your ex is truly dealing with mental problems or genuine/clinical character flaws, that is not the case.
It is most likely that your ex still cares about you and thinks about you during no contact.
That does not mean you should reach out to them.
Let me repeat that.
Just because you know what your ex is thinking during no contact does not mean that you should reach out to him or her.
You should not.
If you’ve just been broken up with, read “What Do I Do If I Was Just Dumped?” for a detailed explanation of why this is the case and why it should encourage you.
Just because they’re thinking about you or even if your ex is missing you during no contact, that doesn’t mean you should text, call, or go see them.
In fact, the opposite is true if you want to get them back.
I discuss that in the articles linked to above but that’s not what this article is about.
How The Dumper Feels During No Contact
Yes, your ex probably doesn’t have bad thoughts about you unless you two broke up due to shared anger at each other.
But even then, if you are giving your ex space and not pestering them with texts and calls, they are likely using your greatest ally – their mind – to separate the anger at the end from the rest of your relationship.
That’s right, your ex’s mind is your greatest ally in your fight to get them back.
Or at least it can be.
Your ex probably doesn’t feel the effects of no contact at the same trajectory you do.
Usually the person who has been broken up with feels the pain of no contact immediately and then begins to develop strength over time.
The person who did the dumping (a.k.a. the dumper) usually feels strength (and often relief) at the very first, but with the days and weeks of no contact your ex likely begins to develop feelings of doubt in their decision, missing you, fear that you have moved on, and confusion that you have not chased, begged, and pleaded as most others do after being dumped.
You want them thinking along those lines!
These thoughts and feelings build and compound.
Your ex begins to wonder what you’re doing, who you’re doing it with, and if you are thinking about them.
Sound familiar?
Like slowly stepping on a gas peddle of a car, the engine, in this case, is their mind, and it begins to move faster and heat up as the days pass.
They remember things you did together, the way you smell (your perfume/cologne), and great times you shared together.
But just because they are feeling those things and even struggling, doesn’t mean the intensity is enough for them to want to reach out to you and get back together just yet or else they would have.
What If You Break No Contact?
After a breakup, many people unknowingly make moves that cost them ground. My Emergency Breakup Kit shows what helps, what hurts, and what often pushes an ex away.
I hope that you are encouraged, as most people are, to learn what your ex is thinking during no contact and that your ex is most likely having feelings of separation anxiety, doubting their decision to break up with you, and that by not contacting them that you have likely been able to get your ex to miss you.
When a client asks me, “Is my ex thinking about me?” or “Does he miss me during no contact?”
I am happy to tell them that he/she likely does if they have done the right thing which is to give them time, silence, and space to miss them.
But many people do the wrong thing upon learning that no contact can make their ex miss them.
They (the person who has been dumped) think that reaching out to their ex while they are feeling those things will result in reconciliation, so they break no contact with a text or a call.
Unfortunately, this actually does flick a switch in the mind of your ex, but not the one you want.
Hear me on this:
It usually resets nearly everything that not contacting your ex had accomplished.
Your ex no longer wonders what you’re doing anymore because now they think that you have just been sadly waiting around, hoping they’ll text or call you.
By you reaching out, you showed the signs of missing them and now they no longer see you strong because even though you waited a little while, you still reached out to them.
You still chased instead of having the confidence to let them come to you.
What you have done is tell your ex that they don’t have to worry, they don’t have to make a move toward you because you are just waiting on them.
They now feel that they have all the time in the world to make a decision and date around without the risk of losing you forever.
That’s the opposite of what you want your ex to think and feel!
If you stay strong with no contact, the odds are in your favor that your ex will reach out in time.
It might take 45 days.
It might take 90 days of no contact.
It might even take a a year or even a couple of years in very extreme cases.
I’m just being honest with you.
But I can tell you that allowing your ex to come to you will usually work much better to get them to come back and will give greater odds to a long term relationship working than if you contact them.
There is always time.
Unless your ex gets married or, God forbid, passes away, there is always the possibility of the two of you getting back together – as long as you don’t become a needy, crazed stalker who they want nothing to do with.
Show some class, some maturity, and some patience by allowing time to work on your ex’s mind during no contact (or a no contact period).
That’s why when they finally reach out, knowing what to do after no contact can make all the difference.
What If My Ex Starts Dating Someone Else During No Contact?
Strong relationships and even friendships aren’t low-hanging fruit.
They’re not easy to find.
Even if your ex does start dating someone else, the odds of that relationship lasting are slim, especially if you were a good lover/girlfriend/boyfriend.
Your ex will compare that person to you.
They will be under your shadow.
This will prevent your ex from getting close to that person and will often send your ex running back to you if you haven’t been chasing.
This should encourage you:
Even without the comparison, your ex likely won’t be ready to open their heart up and love someone else anytime soon (even if they try to and appear to be).
It’s true what they say, rebound relationships usually don’t work.
And when your ex breaks up with this person, the odds are that this person will do the wrong things.
This person will beg, plead, text, call, show up like a stalker, and all of the things that I coach you not to do.
Your ex will again compare you to this other person – even in the breakup – and you will have the advantage (you’re welcome).
So relax, know that time is on your side, and let it work on your ex.
Time away can actually make the two of you and your relationship stronger on the other side.
You ask, “Does my ex think about me?”
“Does he miss me during no contact?”
I also hear, “What goes on in the male mind during no contact?”
I hear the question both ways.
Just know that this breakup is not easy for your ex either, even if it seems that way right now.
Trust no contact to make your ex miss you and think about you.
It’s slowly working its magic on them day by day.
Trust it.
Trust in the process and live your life in the meantime.
Many people going through no contact also wonder what is actually happening on the other side of the silence. The questions below address what your ex may be experiencing during this time.
Learn more in the Emergency Breakup Kit.
Does my ex think about me during no contact?
Yes, in most cases your ex does think about you during no contact. Contrary to what many people fear, a breakup does not usually flip a switch that shuts off all feelings. As long as your ex is not dealing with serious mental or clinical issues, it is very common for them to think about you, remember shared experiences, and reflect on the relationship during periods of silence.
Do exes notice when you stop contacting them?
Yes. When communication suddenly stops, it removes reassurance they may have expected. This change often causes them to wonder why you are no longer reaching out and whether you are moving on.
Why does no contact make an ex think about you more?
No contact creates emotional space and removes predictability. Without constant interaction, your ex no longer has control over the connection, which can increase curiosity and cause them to revisit memories of the relationship.
Is my ex relieved or bothered by no contact at first?
At first, many exes feel relief because the breakup conflict has ended. Over time, however, that relief is often replaced by uncertainty as they realize the connection is no longer guaranteed.
Why does no contact change the dynamic between you and your ex?
No contact removes pursuit and pressure, which resets the emotional balance. Instead of reacting to your attempts to reconnect, your ex is left alone with their own thoughts and feelings, allowing them to process the breakup more independently.
Does no contact cause your ex to reflect on the relationship?
Yes. When there is no communication, your ex is no longer reacting to you in real time. That distance often leads them to think back on the relationship, reconsider past moments, and evaluate the breakup without outside influence.
What emotional shifts can happen to an ex during no contact?
An ex’s emotions can move from certainty and relief immediately after the breakup to curiosity, nostalgia, and sometimes doubt as time passes and the silence remains consistent.
