Signs Your Ex Is Not Over You

I’m going to share signs your ex is not over you.

When a relationship ends, it can feel like the final chapter has been written.

But often, the story isn’t as straightforward as it seems.

One of the most common questions people have after a breakup is whether their ex is truly over them yet.

In this article, I’ll guide you through some signs that might indicate your ex isn’t as done with the relationship as they might want you to believe.

1. They Keep or Renew Connections with Your Friends or Family

One of the first signs that your ex might not be over you is if they keep or even renew connections with your friends or family.

Now, this isn’t just about casual interactions.

If your ex is reaching out to a friend who was more your friend than theirs, or even to one of your family members, that’s a clue.

They don’t necessarily have to ask about you directly.

Often, they’re trying to take a small step to re-enter your life, hoping that the person they’ve reached out to will volunteer some information about you.

Sometimes, they might be hoping that their message will get back to you.

When an ex doesn’t know what to do, especially when they’re in that Curiosity stage or the early stages of Concern, they might still be holding out for you to do the dirty work—to fix what they broke.

But remember, if they’re still waiting for you to reach out, they’re not ready yet.

They’re not there yet to where you two could successfully get back together.

If you jump too soon and contact them, it might result in a temporary reunion that fades out quickly.

So, stay with no contact. Don’t initiate contact, because they’re getting closer, but they’re not there yet.

2. They Mirror Your Activities or Interests

Another telltale sign that your ex is not over you is when they start mirroring your activities or interests.

This could mean they’re showing up at places they know you frequent, or they’re continuing to show an interest in a hobby that you two shared together.

It might even be that they’ve started doing something you introduced them to—something that was more your thing than theirs.

When your ex starts showing interest in these activities, it could mean they’re remembering the times you spent together.

They might be taking a little trip down memory lane.

But more importantly, they could be testing their own feelings.

People do this more often than you might think.

They’re trying to figure out if they’re truly over you, and by engaging in these activities, they’re gauging their own emotional responses.

This is why it’s so important not to break no contact.

Just because they’re showing signs of interest doesn’t mean they’re ready for a conversation.

They might still be figuring out where they stand, and you reaching out could disrupt that process.

3. They Want to Stay in Touch with Your Pet

This is a big one, and I hear it all the time in coaching sessions.

If your ex wants to stay in touch with your pet—whether it’s a dog you got together or a cat that’s solely yours—it’s a strong indicator that they’re not over you.

They might ask to walk the dog every Tuesday or offer to pet-sit if you’re ever out of town.

You might think it’s just because they love the pet, and that could be part of it, but it’s often more than that.

If they’re reaching out to stay connected with your pet, it’s likely because they’re conflicted.

They don’t know if they want to get back together, but they feel like they might.

It’s another way for them to test their feelings.

They’re hoping for an excuse to see you, to run into you, or even to spend time together walking the dog.

Again, this doesn’t mean they’re ready to jump back into a relationship, but it does mean they’re open to the idea.

4. They Comment on Your Friends’ Social Media

If your ex is commenting on your friends’ social media posts—especially if these friends were more your friends than theirs—that’s a significant sign your ex is not yet over you.

Even if the friend is mutual, it’s still noteworthy.

They know that by commenting, there’s a good chance you’ll see it.

They’re comfortable with you seeing their words, and that’s telling.

This is another situation where they might be testing their feelings.

They’re putting themselves in your orbit, hoping you’ll reach out.

But remember, if they’re not willing to be direct and reach out to you, they’re not ready yet.

Patience is crucial here and in many ways is your superpower.

Let them come to you.

It’s tempting to see this as an opportunity to make contact, but resist that urge.

They’re not ready yet, and any premature contact could derail the progress they’re making.

5. They Wear Something You Gave Them in Social Media Posts

This is another common occurrence I hear about from clients.

If your ex posts a picture on social media wearing something you gave them—whether it’s a piece of jewelry, a shirt, or a hat—it’s a clear sign that you’re still on their mind.

Why else would they wear something that you specifically gave them and then post it where they know you’ll likely see it?

They might not know if you’re still following them, but they probably suspect you’re watching.

And if they’re wearing something you gave them, it’s a subtle way of trying to get your attention.

Again, this doesn’t mean you should reach out and say, “Hey, I saw you wearing that shirt I got you.”

They’re not ready for that yet.

But it is a good sign that they’re thinking about you and possibly testing the waters to see if you’re still interested.

6. They Keep Pictures of the Two of You Online

If your ex still has pictures of the two of you up on social media, even after the breakup, it’s a strong indication that they’re not over you.

Maybe they’ve deleted some pictures but left others up, or maybe they took down a bunch but then put a few back up.

Whatever the case, if they can’t bring themselves to remove all the pictures, it’s a sign that there’s still something there.

This doesn’t mean you should jump in and make contact, but it does suggest that they’re having some internal conflict about the breakup.

They might be wondering if they made a mistake, and your no-contact strategy is likely contributing to this doubt.

Stay the course and let them wrestle with their feelings.

7. They Ask About Your Future Plans

This last sign is more relevant if you’re still in some kind of contact with your ex.

If they start asking about your future plans—whether it’s what you’re doing next week, your career plans, or even your living arrangements—it’s a positive sign.

It shows that they’re thinking about the future and possibly imagining you in it.

When they start considering your future, it means they’ve likely moved past the initial relief stage of the breakup and are deep into the Curiosity stage, possibly even the Concern stage.

They’re realizing that you’re capable of staying away, which means you’re capable of moving on.

This realization can be a powerful motivator for them to reconsider the breakup.

The Importance of Patience and No Contact

In all of these scenarios, the key takeaway is patience.

Just because your ex is showing signs that they’re not over you doesn’t mean they’re ready to get back together.

It’s important to maintain your no-contact strategy and resist the urge to reach out prematurely.

Let them do the work of figuring out their feelings and coming to terms with the breakup.

Your job is to give them the space they need to miss you, to realize that you’re not a permanent option waiting in the wings.

When they see that you’re not chasing them, it forces them to reconsider their decision and evaluate what they really want.

In the meantime, focus on your own well-being.

Work on becoming the best version of yourself, not just for the possibility of getting back together with your ex, but for your own happiness and fulfillment.

Whether or not your ex comes back, you’ll be in a better place to move forward, either with them or without them.

Final Thoughts

When your ex thinks you are done, it can trigger a range of reactions in them that ultimately work in your favor.

By not seeking closure, by being patient, and by sticking to no contact, you allow them the space to question their decision and to miss you.

It’s not an easy process, but it’s one that can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship if they do decide to come back.

Remember, the goal isn’t just to get your ex back.

The goal is to create a situation where both of you can thrive, whether together or apart.

By handling this delicate period with care and patience, you give yourself the best chance of achieving that.

Get my Emergency Breakup Kit to get your ex back!

Sincerely,

Coach Lee