When Your Ex Thinks You’re Done: Why It Could Be the Best Thing for Getting Them Back

Breaking up is never easy, especially when you’re the one who still wants to be in the relationship.

The fear that your ex might think you’re done—that you’ve moved on—can feel like the final nail in the coffin of your hopes for reconciliation.

However, what if I told you that letting your ex think you’re done could actually work in your favor?

In this article, I’m going to explain why allowing your ex to believe that you’re truly finished with the relationship can be a powerful tool in your journey to get them back.

1. The Power of Not Seeking Closure

One of the biggest mistakes people make after a breakup is seeking closure.

I get it—closure seems like the logical step to help you move on or to at least get some peace of mind.

But here’s the thing:

Closure isn’t necessary, and in many cases, it can actually work against you quite a bit.

Think about it.

When you seek closure, you’re essentially trying to tie up all the loose ends and put everything neatly in a box.

You want answers, resolutions, and a clear understanding of why things ended the way they did.

But in life, it’s usually the unanswered questions that drive us the most.

We’re wired to seek solutions, to figure out puzzles, to resolve the unresolved.

If you give your ex closure, you’re giving them a neat and tidy ending to the story—and with it, the permission to move on without looking back.

Instead, leave things open-ended.

Be mysterious. Let them wonder why you didn’t try harder to get closure.

When they think you’re done, it plants a seed of curiosity in their mind.

They’ll start asking themselves why you didn’t seek that final conversation, why you didn’t try to get answers.

And that curiosity can keep you on their mind far longer than any heartfelt discussion ever could.

The truth is, you don’t need closure.

You’ve already told them you want to be with them.

You’ve made it clear that you’re willing to work on things.

If they don’t want that, there’s no need to keep talking about it.

Just be gone—like a ghost in the wind.

This kind of silence is powerful.

It leaves them wondering, and that’s exactly where you want them to be.

2. They Didn’t Expect to Want You Back

When your ex thinks you’re done, something unexpected often happens—they start to miss you.

This is especially true if they were the one who initiated the breakup.

You see, most people who break up with their partner expect to feel relief.

They believe that ending the relationship will free them from whatever discomfort or dissatisfaction they were feeling.

But here’s where things get interesting.

If you let them go without a fight—no begging, no pleading, no desperate attempts to get them back—you disrupt their expectations.

They thought they’d feel better once the breakup was over, but instead, they start to feel a void where you used to be.

This void isn’t just about missing you as a person; it’s about missing the intimacy, the connection, and the comfort of knowing someone deeply.

This is what I call “intimacy shock.”

It’s that sudden realization that they no longer have you to share the details of their life with—the little things, the big things, and everything in between.

Even if they don’t consciously want to be with you anymore, they’ll start to miss the closeness that you once shared.

And here’s the kicker: they didn’t expect to feel this way.

They thought the breakup would be easy, that they’d just ride off into the sunset and everything would be fine.

But when you don’t try to win them back, when you don’t seek closure, when you just walk away, it flips the script.

They’re left thinking, “I didn’t expect to want them back, but now I’m not so sure.”

This kind of shift in thinking is exactly what you want.

It’s the beginning of them reconsidering the breakup, of starting to think that maybe they made a mistake.

And while I can’t guarantee that this will bring them back 100%, it certainly increases the odds that they’ll start to question their decision.

3. Why It Can Take Time

One of the hardest parts of letting your ex think you’re done is the waiting.

You might be asking yourself, “Why haven’t they come back yet? What’s taking so long?”

The answer lies in the psychology of the dumper.

When someone breaks up with you, they’re making a commitment—to themselves, to their decision, and to their perceived needs at the time.

Even if they start to doubt that decision, they don’t want to appear unstable or indecisive.

They’ve told themselves, and probably others, that this is what they wanted, so they’re going to stick with it, at least for a while.

This is especially true if they’ve been thinking about the breakup for weeks, months, or even longer before actually going through with it.

They’ve had time to build up their reasons, to rationalize the decision, and to convince themselves that it’s the right thing to do.

So, when you disappear, it doesn’t immediately trigger a desire to get back together.

Instead, they double down on their commitment to the breakup.

But here’s the good news: time is on your side.

Each day that passes without contact from you, each day that they don’t hear from you, the more they start to wonder if maybe they made a mistake.

They begin to question if you’ve really moved on, if maybe they were too hasty in ending things.

And that’s where the pressure starts to build.

They may have told themselves that they’ll feel better eventually, that the pain of missing you will fade, but when that doesn’t happen, it forces them to reconsider.

They start to miss the intimacy, the connection, and yes, even the arguments—because those were all signs that you were still invested in the relationship.

The key here is patience.

Let them sit with their decision.

Let them wonder if you’re really done.

The longer they sit with that doubt, the more likely they are to reach out.

But don’t rush it.

Don’t break the silence.

Let them come to you when they’re ready.

4. The Dynamics of Power

When you’re the one who’s been dumped, it’s easy to feel powerless.

After all, they were the ones who ended things, and now it feels like they hold all the cards.

But here’s the thing: power in relationships is fluid. It shifts and changes depending on how each person responds to the other.

At the moment of the breakup, your ex likely feels more powerful—they made the decision, they took control.

But as time goes on and you don’t chase after them, the balance of power begins to shift.

They start to wonder if maybe they misjudged the situation.

They thought you’d be there, waiting, but now they’re not so sure.

This uncertainty can be incredibly powerful.

It makes them question whether they were really right to end things.

It forces them to consider the possibility that you might move on, that someone else might come along and see your value, and that they might lose you for good.

When you let your ex think you’re done, you’re reclaiming some of that power.

You’re showing them that you’re not going to sit around and wait for them to change their mind.

You’re living your life, moving forward, and that’s an incredibly attractive quality.

5. Pity vs. Attraction

One of the most common misconceptions after a breakup is that you want your ex to feel sorry for you.

You might think that if they see how much you’re hurting, they’ll come running back.

But here’s the truth: pity is not the same as attraction.

In fact, they’re opposites.

When someone feels sorry for you, they see you as weak, as someone who needs help.

And while they might feel bad for you, that doesn’t translate into wanting to be with you.

In fact, it often has the opposite effect—it makes them want to get away from you even more.

Your ex doesn’t want to be reminded of your pain, especially if they’re the one who caused it.

It makes them feel guilty, and that guilt can quickly turn into resentment.

They start to see you as a burden, as someone who’s holding them back from living the life they think they want.

That’s why it’s so important not to seek pity from your ex.

Don’t show them how much you’re hurting.

Don’t try to make them feel sorry for you.

Instead, focus on showing them your strength.

Show them that you’re capable of moving on, that you’re not going to let this breakup define you.

When they see you as strong, as someone who’s resilient and able to bounce back, it shifts their perception.

They start to see you as someone who’s valuable, someone who’s worth fighting for.

And that’s what can ultimately bring them back.

Conclusion: The Power of Silence

In the end, the best thing you can do when your ex thinks you’re done is to let them believe it.

Embrace the power of silence.

Don’t seek closure, don’t beg or plead, and don’t try to win them back through pity.

Instead, focus on yourself.

Show them that you’re strong, that you’re moving forward, and that you’re not waiting around for them to change their mind.

This doesn’t mean you’re giving up on the relationship.

Far from it.

You’re simply giving your ex the space to realize what they’ve lost.

And in that space, there’s a good chance they’ll start to see things differently.

They’ll start to miss you, to wonder if they made a mistake, and to consider the possibility of getting back together.

It takes time, patience, and a lot of self-control, but by letting your ex think you’re done, you’re actually setting the stage for them to come back.

And when they do, it will be because they truly want to, not because they feel pressured or guilty.

It will be because they’ve had the time and space to realize that you’re worth fighting for.

So, if you’re in this situation, remember: silence is your ally.

Let your ex think you’re done.

Let them wonder.

And in the meantime, focus on becoming the best version of yourself.

Because in the end, that’s what’s truly attractive—someone who knows their worth, who’s strong, and who’s not afraid to walk away when they’re not being treated right.

Conclusion: The Power of Silence

In the end, the best thing you can do when your ex thinks you’re done is to let them believe it.

Embrace the power of silence.

Don’t seek closure, don’t beg or plead, and don’t try to win them back through pity. Instead, focus on yourself.

Show them that you’re strong, that you’re moving forward, and that you’re not waiting around for them to change their mind.

This doesn’t mean you’re giving up on the relationship.

Far from it.

You’re simply giving your ex the space to realize what they’ve lost.

And in that space, there’s a good chance they’ll start to see things differently.

They’ll start to miss you, to wonder if they made a mistake, and to consider the possibility of getting back together.

It takes time, patience, and a lot of self-control, but by letting your ex think you’re done, you’re actually setting the stage for them to come back.

And when they do, it will be because they truly want to, not because they feel pressured or guilty.

It will be because they’ve had the time and space to realize that you’re worth fighting for.

So, if you’re in this situation, remember: silence is your ally.

Let your ex think you’re done.

Let them wonder.

And in the meantime, focus on becoming the best version of yourself.

Because in the end, that’s what’s truly attractive—someone who knows their worth, who’s strong, and who’s not afraid to walk away when they’re not being treated right.

And if they do come back, it will be on terms that are healthier and more balanced, with both of you being the prize in the relationship.

After all, that’s the foundation of a relationship that can stand the test of time.

Get my Emergency Breakup Kit to get your ex back!

Sincerely,

Coach Lee