How To Take Your Ex’s Power Away (And Get Yours Back)

Breakups can leave you feeling powerless—like you’ve lost control not only of the relationship but also of your emotions and your sense of stability.

If you’re hoping to reunite with your ex, you may feel stuck in a fog of uncertainty, where every move seems like it could either help or hurt your chances.

But here’s the truth: the person with emotional control holds the power.

And if your ex is the one who ended things, chances are, right now, they have more of it than you do.

But that doesn’t have to stay true.

There are real, actionable ways to take your ex’s power away—and to reclaim your own emotional strength.

That doesn’t mean playing games or being manipulative.

It means knowing what to do—and what not to do—so that you don’t hand your power over on a silver platter.

Let’s walk through five powerful ways to shift the dynamic and regain your footing.

1. Stop Giving Them Updates

This might seem obvious, but it’s one of the biggest mistakes I see.

People feel the urge to stay “seen” by their ex—so they post frequent updates to social media, text little life tidbits, or try to casually keep their ex in the loop.

Here’s the problem with that: the more your ex knows about your daily life, your plans, and your emotional state, the less they wonder.

And curiosity is a powerful emotional driver.

Now, I’m not saying you have to go completely dark online—though “radio silence” can be a strong approach in some cases.

But at the very least, stop sharing the personal stuff.

That includes your emotions, your struggles, and any mention of how you’re dealing with the breakup.

If you want to post, keep it neutral.

A group photo with friends is fine.

A meme, a sunset, even a workout update is okay.

But skip the moody quotes and, especially, avoid trying to make them jealous with photos of you out with someone new.

That almost always backfires.

I used to think that a little jealousy might help shake them awake—but over the last 20+ years, I’ve seen how that move usually ends up hurting more than it helps.

Your ex might feel tricked, insulted, or even validated in their decision to walk away.

If you want to know how to make your ex jealous, the key lies in not appearing that you are trying to make them feel that way.

If it appears that you are trying to make them jealous, not only will it not work, but it will lower their attraction to you.

So keep your cards close.

Let them miss knowing what’s going on in your life.

Emotional intimacy is built on things like, “How was your day?” and “What are you thinking about?”

When your ex doesn’t have access to those anymore, they start to feel the distance—and they may start to miss being the one you shared those things with.

2. Handle Breadcrumbs Without Encouraging Them

Let’s talk about breadcrumbs.

Everyone has a slightly different definition, but here’s how I look at it: breadcrumbs are those vague, low-effort messages from your ex that aren’t about getting back together but still pull at your heart a little.

Maybe it’s a random “How have you been?” or a meme they thought was funny.

Maybe it’s just them “liking” your post after weeks of silence. It feels like they’re reaching out—but there’s no real movement. Just bait.

So how do you respond?

Don’t ignore them completely—not right away.

It’s actually helpful if they believe they could contact you if they build up the courage to be serious and say they want to try again. So you want to leave that door cracked open, but not wide open.

If they text, “How are you doing?” you can say, “I’m doing well. I hope you’re doing okay too.”

That’s it. No questions. No emojis.

No asking what they’ve been up to.

The goal here is to answer politely, without inviting more conversation.

When you ask a question back, it gives the impression you’re eager to talk to them again.

It shows you’re curious, that you miss them, and that you’re prioritizing them—and that’s not the message you want to send right now.

If they want to have a real conversation—one that’s serious and focused on the relationship—they’ll make that clear.

Until then, no chasing.

No double-texting. No dragging the conversation along.

Let them feel the stillness on the other end.

Let them realize that the only way they’ll have a true interaction with you again is if they come with real intent.

3. Take Them Off the Pedestal

This one is hard—especially if the breakup has triggered that deep feeling of loss and panic.

When someone leaves us, it’s natural to idealize them.

You think about the best moments.

You think about the love you shared.

You might even start blaming yourself for everything that went wrong.

But here’s something you need to hear: people who are truly special don’t just walk away.

They stay and fight for love.

They try.

So if your ex left you—especially without trying to work through it first—stop treating them like they’re the prize.

Ask yourself: Do I even want to be with someone who won’t work on the relationship?

Who leaves when things get hard?

Who watches you suffer and doesn’t reach out?

Often, we want our ex back simply because we’ve invested a lot of time, energy, and emotion.

In economics, there’s a name for that: the “sunk cost fallacy.”

Just because you’ve spent years building something doesn’t mean it’s still worth continuing—especially if it’s not giving anything back.

You deserve someone who fights for the relationship—not someone who bails when the fireworks fade.

So be honest about their flaws.

Were there double standards?

Did you give more than you received?

Did they make you feel less than?

Taking your ex off that pedestal means seeing them clearly—not through the lens of panic, but through the lens of truth.

And when you do that, you regain emotional balance.

4. Reclaim Your Emotional Control

This may be the most important part of all—because this is the part where you stop letting the breakup steer your life.

You’re going to have tough days.

There will be moments where it feels like a wave crashing over you—sadness, panic, longing, even rage.

That’s normal. That’s grief. But you can still regain your emotional control.

When you feel yourself spiraling, speak what you want to believe, even if you don’t feel it yet.

Say it out loud:

“Even if they don’t come back, I’ll be okay.”
“I’m hurting right now, but this will pass.”
“I will heal. I will thrive.”

Don’t fight the feelings.

Fighting them gives them more power.

Let them come—and then let them go.

Like waves. They will rise, and they will fall.

Trust your emotional immune system.

You are built to get through this.

If you start to feel anxiety—tightness in your chest, a racing mind—remind yourself what’s happening: adrenaline, cortisol, chemical responses.

Your body is in fight-or-flight mode, but that doesn’t mean your world is ending.

Name it. Sit with it.

And let it pass.

The more you practice this, the less your emotions will control you—and the more you will control your recovery.

5. Go Silent

Now for the final—and most powerful—step: silence.

This isn’t about punishing your ex.

It’s not about playing hard to get.

It’s about removing your energy from the equation.

When you go silent, you stop chasing.

You stop reassuring them.

You stop feeding the dynamic that gives them all the control.

If your ex broke up with you and you’re still texting them, still checking in, still showing up—you’re teaching them that there are no real consequences to walking away.

That no matter what, you’ll always be there.

That all they have to do is “say the word” and you’ll come back running.

And that’s dangerous because it trains them to take you for granted.

Silence disrupts that pattern.

It puts the breakup in their hands, where it belongs.

They made the choice to leave—so let them sit with it.

Let them experience the quiet.

Let them wonder what’s going on with you and whether they’ve made a mistake.

Eventually, they’ll have to ask themselves:

“Did I lose something valuable?”
“Would they even take me back?”

That’s when real reflection starts to happen.

That’s when growth begins.

And if they truly miss you—if they value you—they’ll come forward with clarity and intent.

But none of that can happen if you keep rescuing them from the consequences of their own decision.

So let the silence speak for you.

In Closing…

Taking your ex’s power away isn’t about being cruel.

It’s about getting back in control of your life and not allowing your emotions to be dictated by someone who walked away.

Each of these five steps is part of a bigger shift: away from desperation and toward dignity.

You don’t have to be perfect.

You’re going to have emotional days.

You’re going to have setbacks.

But what matters is that you move in the direction of strength, even if it’s slow.

And if your ex comes back?

You’ll be in a much healthier place to decide if you even want them anymore.

If you’re serious about getting your ex back, I recommend my Reunion Blueprint.

It’s only $7 and it walks you through the foundational steps you need to take after a breakup—no fluff, no gimmicks. Just proven guidance.

You can get it at ReunionBlueprint.com.

If you’re married and trying to save your relationship, I also offer a free mini-course on saving your marriage.

And if you want to talk one-on-one, my coaching team is available at MyExBackCoach.com—just click the “Coaching” tab.

Whether it’s with me or a coach on my staff like Coach Rex, who helped me years ago during my own heartbreak, we’re here to help.

You can take back your power.

You can get through this.

And yes—healing, peace, and even love again are still possible.

—Coach Lee

Reunion Blueprint | Save Your Marriage